“That woman’s got a serious left hook,” he said, rubbing his temple.
“She knocked you out again? This is starting to become a habit,” Ruby said.
Brand frowned. “Where’d they go?”
“I have a bad feeling she went there,” Heathcliff said, pointing toward their time machine.
“That’s not good!” Ruby shouted as she tore off toward the pit. The NERDS and Heathcliff sprinted after her.
“I’m sorry,” Rupert cried. “Those weirdos just got up and ran off. I thought they were trying to save themselves from more butt-kicking. I didn’t think they were going to use our time machine.”
“It’s not your fault. You guys did a great job,” Brand said.
“Where do you think they went?” Ruby asked as Heathcliff pressed buttons on the control panel.
“According to the log they went to some beach on Long Island,” Heathcliff said.
Ruby grabbed him by the collar. “What day?”
“June 14, 1996.”
Ruby felt like someone had just sucker punched her in the gut. “That’s the day my parents got married! She’s going to try and stop the wedding.”
“Let’s go,” Brand said. He snatched the controls from Heathcliff, pressed some buttons, and leaped into the pit. A second later he was gone.
“We’ll go with you, too,” Rupert said.
“No,” Ruby said. “If they beat us, they’ll come for you next. Go back to your time and get ready for her to show up. If she stops you, the NERDS will never happen.”
“Do you think we’re ready?” Static Cling asked.
Ruby nodded. “More than ready.”
Heathcliff climbed into the pit. “Pretty awesome to meet you,” he said to the NERDS, then sank below the balls. Ruby was next.
“Good luck,” Rupert said.
“You too,” Ruby said as she vanished from 1987.
She found Heathcliff and Agent Brand waiting for her on a wooden dock that looked out over a bay. There was a small receiving building, a tiny fire station, and a playground in the distance. A couple kids on bicycles raced each other, and the sky was a dark gray with low-hanging clouds threatening rain.
“Have you seen them?” she asked.
Brand shook his head. “No sign of them at all.”
Heathcliff turned to one of the kids on a bike. “Hey, did you see a woman in a skull mask and four kids come past here?”
The kid screeched to a halt. “Hard to miss! They were headed for the beach.”
He pointed down a pathway in between some cottages and dense patches of trees.
“C’mon,” Ruby said, rushing down the path, which was nothing more than wooden planks stuck in the sand. The houses that lined the boardwalk were quaint summer rentals with names like Ferryport Landing and Land Ho! Her parents often talked about Fair Harbor. It was one of her family’s favorite vacation places. Her home was lined with pictures of them on the beach, building drip castles, and eating lactose-free ice cream cones.
The island was less than three-quarters of a mile wide so Ruby, Heathcliff, and Brand soon arrived at a sandy beach. The salty Atlantic air pinched Ruby’s nose and the crash of the surf filled her ears. Not more than ten yards away stood her mother and father, both young, and wildly in love. Sarah wore a long lacy white dress and had flowers in her hair. Her father was in an old-fashioned three-button suit and had his pant legs rolled up to his knees. Neither of them wore shoes. They were surrounded by family. She spotted Grandpa Saul, Aunt Laura, Uncle Eddie, Uncle Jeff, and the rest. There were no chairs, so they gathered around the happy couple while a man in a white suit read passages from a book titled The Velveteen Rabbit. Oddly enough, no one was arguing. In fact, she saw smiles on all of their faces. Her big, chaotic, bickering family was actually getting along.
“Where is she?” Heathcliff whispered.
“I have no idea,” Brand said.
“What’s the plan?” Heathcliff asked.
“Let’s mingle,” Ruby said. “If the BULLIES attack, at least we’ll be where the action is.”
The trio crept onto the beach and joined the crowd, smiling at people and acting as if they belonged.
“Sarah Kaplan, do you, before friends and family, give yourself to this man, Francis Peet, to be his lawfully wedded wife as witnessed by this gathering and heaven above?”
Sarah’s smile was blinding. “I do.”
“Francis Peet, do you, before friends and family, give yourself to this woman, Sarah Kaplan, to be her lawfully wedded husband as witnessed by this gathering and heaven above?”
Francis nodded. “I do.”
“And now by the powers vested in me, I declare this man and this woman lawfully—”
“Now, now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” said a voice from behind the group. Ruby’s heart sank. It was Miss Information.
Everyone turned to see who had caused the ruckus, and a collective gasp erupted from the crowd when they saw her mask and gang of misfits. The scarecrow in the tuxedo didn’t help, either.
“Isn’t there supposed to be a part where you ask if anyone objects?” Miss Information said. “’Cause I really do object.”
“Listen, lady, this is a private function,” Grandma Rose said. “So why don’t you take it down the beach?”
“Yeah, what kind of lunatic just walks up to a wedding and causes trouble?” Aunt Suzi shouted.
“Are you crazy?” Uncle Kevin cried.
“I’M NOT CRAZY!” Miss Information roared.
Ruby, Brand, and Heathcliff stepped forward.
“These people are innocent,” Ruby said, looking straight at Miss Information. “I’m not going to let you hurt them.”
“Hey, kid, thanks for the help, but we don’t need it. No one messes with the Peet family,” Uncle Eddie shouted. “We’re from Boston!”
“Or the Kaplans,” Grandma Tina cried, “representing Long Island!”
“Your feeble posturing doesn’t impress me, folks,” Miss Information said. “Unless you people want to get hurt, I suggest you call this wedding off and go home.”
“Get her!” Grandpa Saul shouted.
Much to Ruby’s surprise, the entire wedding party rushed at Miss Information and the goons. They tossed full bottles of wine and swatted at the intruders with umbrellas. Grandma Rose beat Snot Rocket with one of her shoes. Uncle Jeff shoved a bouquet of flowers into Funk’s mouth. Miss Information backed toward the surf, dodging flying plates and trays of cookies.
“Do you think you can come here and cause trouble and get away with it?” Aunt Delynn shouted.
Just when things couldn’t get worse for the thugs, the sky opened up and rain fell down in sheets, soaking everyone but not quenching the family’s anger. In the storm, the villains stumbled back. Thor slipped and fell in the wet sand.
“Well, I have to admit, I didn’t see this coming,” Ruby said as she stood back and watched the mob attack their enemy.
“I don’t know who the world has to fear more: Miss Information or your family,” Heathcliff said.
Miss Information tried to dodge a flying purse. As she struggled to stay upright, she accidentally dropped Alex, and the waves dragged the scarecrow out to sea.
“Alex!” she cried. “Don’t leave me! What use is ruling the world without the man I love by my side?”
The strange dummy sank beneath the water and disappeared.
Snot Rocket whined, “I can’t see a foot in front of me.”
Aunt Laura hit him with a bouquet of flowers, followed by an enthusiastic punch.
“What are we doing here?” Funk asked Miss Information. “Are you just sending us from one time to the next so we can feel what it’s like to get beaten up in different eras?”
Thor grunted angrily.
“You ungrateful little toads!” Miss Information said, fighting off Grandma Tina. “I turned you kids into gods, and you haven’t stopped boohooing for a second. When we get back, you’re all going into the tiger cage.”
“Then I quit!” Loudmouth shouted, and without a word she jumped into the ball pit and vanished.
Ruby was soaked, and her wet, poofy hair fell into her eyes. “Heathcliff, I can’t see a thing. What’s happening?”
“They’re all abandoning her,” Brand replied. “I just saw Snot Rocket and Funk use the time machine. Heathcliff, you need to stop them. Ruby and I will stay here and stop Lisa.”
“Um, reminder here! I don’t have any powers,” Heathcliff cried.
“But you’re one of us,” Ruby said. “Do the best you can!”
Heathcliff took a moment to muster all his courage, and then he sprinted through the mob and leaped into the ball pit.
Miss Information stood her ground. “Benjy, how about a hand?” she shouted.
“I’m afraid I do not have hands,” Benjy said. “But I will do my best.”
The little orb darted into action, floating above the crowd and firing tiny blasts of electricity at everyone.
“Why would she do this?” Sarah cried into Francis’s arms. “She ruined everything.”
“No, she hasn’t,” Ruby said to her mother. “If you want to be in this family, you have to have an appetite for chaos.”
Francis laughed. “You know—she’s right.”
Sarah grinned. “I’m sorry, but do we know you?”
“Not yet,” Ruby said.
“C’mon,” Brand shouted. He raced into the crowd and Ruby followed. She watched as he got beneath the robot orb Miss Information called Benjy. He swung his cane at it, attracting two nasty bolts of electricity just before he connected. When it fell into the sand, he stomped on it, cracking it into three pieces. The purple light faded.
“Nice shot, boss,” Ruby said.
“Yeah, did you ever play any baseball?”
Ruby turned to see who owned the voice and found Jackson, Matilda, Flinch, and Duncan standing behind her.
“You’re back!” she said, pulling them all into a group hug.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I’m pretty sure this hug is weird,” Matilda said.
“We’ll explain later,” Brand said. He pointed at Miss Information, who was crawling into the ball pit and disappearing. “She’s given up on you, Ruby, but she’s off to cause trouble somewhere else.”
“We’ve got to go after her,” Matilda said. “It feels like I haven’t socked someone in the jaw in like forever.”
“No. Heathcliff needs you. Figure out where he went and stop the BULLIES,” Brand commanded as he walked to the pit. “I’ll go after her.”
“But—” Ruby said.
“That’s an order,” Brand said as he climbed into the time machine. A moment later he was gone.