Alexis casually shrugs out of my grip.
“No. What do you mean? We don’t have time.”
She turns and makes her way to the bathroom. “Yes, we do. It’s fine. Anyway, you may want to wash your feet.” How can she be so bloody calm? Our son is on his way.
“What?” I say, astounded.
She stops and braces herself against the doorway then turns back to me and smiles the most hypnotic expression I’ve ever seen. “Come on, Daddy. Help me wash, our baby boy is on his way.”
After showering at the speed of light and collecting Alexis’s hospital bag, I finally manage to get her into the Crow and on our way to the Royal Women’s Hospital.
“Are you okay, Hunny?”
“Yep, couldn’t be better,” she answers sarcastically with a forced smile on her face.
I hold back my pending laugh.
“Argh! Jesus! Who invented labour pain? Who invented labour full stop?” she whines and pants.
“Are you okay?” I ask again, now concerned at the sudden escalation of her pain.
“Stop asking me that. You’ll know if I’m not okay,” she spits through gritted teeth.
Right, mental note: don’t ask if she’s okay again.
“We are nearly there. Hang on,” I advise tediously, glancing at her from the corner of my eye.
“Hang on? You try hanging on to a baby that wants nothing more than to climb out of your vagina,” she grumbles.
This time I can’t help but laugh.
Thankfully, Alexis’ phone rings at that same moment, distracting her from the abuse she is about to hurl my way. I’m more than glad to escape her pending vocal bullet, and prepare to land the chopper on the helipad as she reaches into her handbag to pull out her phone.
She squints at the screen and blows out long breaths. “Carls, what’s happening?” she answers flippantly through puffs of air.
I smile and shake my head while setting the chopper down and shutting off the engine.
“No, I’m not fucking Bryce,” she explains while pausing for a minute and dropping her head back in amused exasperation. “I’m not lying,” she pants. “I’m breathing heavily because I’m in labour, you silly cow. Argh, God! They are getting stronger,” she groans, and for the first time shoots me a nervous look.
“Hang up,” I say calmly.
Alexis nods in agreement. “Carls, gotta go. I’ll talk to you later,” she says breathlessly, as she disconnects the call.
I exit the cockpit, and on my way round to help her out of the chopper, I quickly type Lucy a text:
Baby on the way. At hospital - Bryce
A reply comes through as a nurse pushes a wheelchair in our direction:
OMG! I will be there as soon as I can - Lucy
Sliding one arm behind Alexis’ back and the other under her knees, I lift her into my arms and gently place her into the waiting wheelchair. “Oh, for the love of fffrying pans,” she groans.
“That’s a new one,” the nurse smiles, before introducing herself. “We get fire trucks a lot.” I’m surprised Alexis just doesn’t swear. It’s never stopped her before.
“I don’t want the f-bomb to be the first word my baby hears coming out of mouth,” Alexis hisses, breathing out through her teeth as her contraction eases.
The nurse nods. “That’s fair enough, Dear,” she says then proceeds to push Alexis toward the birthing suite.
Not even minutes later, Alexis starts cursing again. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” she groans with puffed cheeks. “Why? Why am I doing this again? And how did I forget how bloody painful this is?” she glares at me.
Not really knowing how to answer that question—and against my better judgement—I attempt it anyway, “Because it’s worth it, Hunny,” I say softly, trying to reassure her while patting her hair away from her face.
“Don’t pat me like a dog,” she snarls as she swipes my hand away.
Another note to self: don’t pat her.
I go to put my hand back in my pocket when she grabs it. “Sorry...I’m sorry. I don’t mean to bite your head off. It’s just...oh, God! It hurts,” she cries out as she clenches my hand in a death grip. Jesus fucking Christ, that’s hard. When did she get super human strength?
We enter the birthing suite and she lets go of my hand, relief together with blood flow returning to my semi-crushed fingers.
“Alexis, Dear, my name is Kate, I’m a midwife. Dr. Rainer is on her way and will be here shortly, okay? Let’s get you up onto this bed and check how baby is doing,” Kate says with a smile.
I help Alexis out of the wheelchair and up onto the bed, assisting her by fluffing up pillows and basically just fucking fluffing about. Obviously, I’m way out of my comfort zone and don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
Kate sets up an IV and attaches some straps and cords to Alexis’ stomach. “Now, your hospital chart says you had an emergency C-section with your last delivery. Baby was in breech, right?”
“Yes, yes she was. Charlotte liked to dance around even before entering this world. Seven years later and she hasn’t changed,” Alexis answers lovingly, almost calm and serene.
I gently wipe a bead of sweat that has formed on her brow and take note that even in distress and obviously a shit load of pain, she is still absolutely gorgeous.
Then, just like a gust of wind, her calm demeanour is swept away and a harsh, boiling disposition replaces it. “I want an epidural God Damn it,” Alexis growls through deep breaths while closing her eyes. “Please!”
Placing my hand on her forehead, I drag it back through her hair in the hope to calm her down. Fuck, she’s beautiful. Her eyes open with lightning speed, and she fires a death glare in my direction. Fuck, she’s scary. Quickly, I panic and lean in to kiss the spot where my hand had just been, apologising for breaking the ‘no patting rule’. This seems to do the trick because she smiles meekly at me.
“Your contractions are three minutes apart and lasting just over one minute long,” Kate explains. “I’m going to check how dilated your cervix is now, then we will discuss an epidural.”
Alexis nods.
I nod, too. At this point in time, I think I’ll nod at anything being said. Nodding is good.
“Not another one, fffruit cake” Alexis moans, and turns the shade of a tomato. “I just had one, give me a break.”
I take a hold of her hand, remembering not to pat her. “Just breathe, Hunny.”
“Seriously?” she huffs.
“That’s what you told Lucy to do.”
“I know, but its bullshit.”
“I just thought—”
“Shut up!”
Another note to self: shut up.
“Bryce I’m sorry. I love you. I just don’t like you right now.”
“Yes. You do,” I say with an authoritative tone.
She looks at me with knowing eyes, and mouths with exhausted defeat, ‘yes I do’.
I bring her hand to my lips. “I know, Hunny.”
She nods and closes her eyes during a long exhale.
Kate positions herself between Alexis’ legs, her expression one of concentration. “Hmmm, I’m sorry, Dear. But you are nine centimetres dilated so there will be no epidural,” she explains. “Looks like baby is nearly ready to meet his or her parents,” Kate offers in compromise, her eyebrow raised persuasively.
“His parents,” I reply, overjoyed. “We are having a boy.”
“Congratulations!”
“Argh! For the love of fffurry freakin’ ferrets...Where is Dr. Rainer?” Alexis screams, now clearly stressed and in much more pain, not to mention tripling her f-bomb replacements.