"But pencils are so much longer than termites," Alice argued.
"Not if they're used up from the tip and nibbled down from the eraser. Eventually a pencil will meet itself in the middle and then it will vanish. Just like us, Alice! Perhaps we faded away from both ends until we met in our middles and then we vanished! I'm a work of art, did you know that?" Celia twirled around quite proudly as she said this. I'm terbo-charged!"
"Celia, why are you dropping the letter 'T' from the word?" Alice asked.
"Because that's how the future people say it," Celia replied. "You do know that we're in the future now, Alice? I must have slipped from your fingers whilst falling through the tunnel of clock-numbers. I therefore entered the future at an earlier date than you did. I landed in 1998 a whole week before you. I had grown to my present size, but I was still only a doll. I could not move at all, or even think for myself. Pablo the sculptor claims that he found me lying in this very garden, in a briar of roses."
"Did Mister Pablo plant this knot garden?" Alice asked.
"He most certainly did. Pablo's hobby is to make terbots, you see? The Civil Serpents look down upon this hobby; they think it very unreal. Only by promising that his creations would be trapped forever in a garden of knots and guarded by snakes could Pablo convince the Serpents that his work be allowed. It was Pablo that put the computer-mites in my skull. Alice, my dear, it was as if I had woken up from a long, long sleep of dollness. I came alive!"
"Celia, I'm very glad that you're alive," stated Alice, "but I simply must get you and Whippoorwill and myself back to Great Aunt Ermintrude's house in time for my two o'clock writing lesson." Just then an almighty commotion took place beyond the knot garden; red and white lights flashed in the sky above the hedgerows and a piercing cry howled through the morning, followed by what sounded very much like a policeman's whistle being blown. "Whatever's happening now?" cried Alice.
"Maybe it's something to do with the Jigsaw Murder," replied Celia.
"You know about the Jigsaw Murder?" a surprised Alice enquired.
"I don't know much about the case," Celia replied, "but I do know that Whippoorwill isn't too happy with the sudden disturbance." Indeed, the parrot was flapping his green-and-yellow wings in a chaotic pattern that Captain Ramshackle would have been very proud of. It was these movements that caused Alice to remember certain words that the Badgerman had spoken. "Celia," she asked, "would you happen to know the whereabouts of a certain Professor Gladys Chrowdingler by any chance?"
"I'm afraid I don't. What does she study?"
"The Mysteries of Time."
"That does sound useful. We must do our very best to find this professor."
"What about an ellipsis? Do you know what one of those is?"
"An ellipsis? Isn't that the sister of an ellipse?"
"Celia, I think your computermites must be on holiday. Oh, if only I'd asked Captain Ramshackle where Professor Chrowdingler lived! But I was in such a hurry to find Whippoorwill. At least I've managed one good job this day!" With these words Alice reached out to lift Whippoorwill off Celia's shoulder. But the parrot was too quick for her: with a flickering fluttering of feathers he managed to fly off Celia's shoulder just before Alice's fingers reached him. He flew above the hedgerows over towards where the lights were flashing.
"Oh goodness!" exclaimed Alice. "Whippoorwill has once again escaped! However shall we find him this time? This garden is so tightly knotted."
"I think I may know a way," Celia answered, taking hold of Alice's hand. "Follow me."
Adventures in a Garden Shed
The Automated Alice led the Real-life Alice over to where a small garden shed was sitting in one curvy corner of the maze's centre circle. (I say "sitting" because the garden shed really did appear to be sitting on the grass, and rather awkwardly at that!) Above the closed door, a painted sign read: OGDEN'S REVERSE BUTCHERY. The garden shed was tilted precariously to one side, with many planks missing, and even more of them just about to fall off. From within came a terrible racket: a terrible banging! and a clattering! and then a terrible walloping! and then a terrible cursing cry! and then yet more banging! and clattering! and, indeed, walloping! To Alice's eyes, it looked very much like the garden shed had been dropped from a great height: indeed, she was certain that the shed hadn't even been there when she had first entered the centre of the maze, but how could a common-or-garden garden shed simply appear out of nowhere?
Celia was pounding on the shed's door: "Pablo, Pablo!" the doll croaked, "let me in, please. Stop making that terrible racket!"
And the racket was stopped for a second, as a gruff and angry voice answered from the interior, "But I like making a terrible racket! It's my job! It's my Art!" The shed's door was then flung open with such violence that it almost flew off its hinges, and standing in the doorway was an extremely overgrown man. He was the first completely normal man that Alice had seen that morning, even if he was very, very large, and dressed in a blood-smeared butcher's apron. He was holding a terrible racket in his hands.
(I must add at this point that the terrible racket he was holding was a tennis racket, and it was terrible because the man had obviously been making it that very morning out of bits and various pieces: bits of old sideboards and pencil-cases and various pieces of string and wire and shoelaces. It really did look most unsuitable for the civilized game of tennis.)
"Celia! My little terbot!" the big man cried. "What in the blazing mazes are you doing off your snake-guarded podium?"
"Pablo, may I introduce Alice," Celia calmly responded. "She has rescued me from the snake's hold."
"But that's impossible!" said Pablo.
"Good morning, Mister Ogden," said Alice, on her best behaviour.
"A girl! At last!" sobbed Pablo Ogden. "Another human being! It's been so long... so very, very long... you'd better come in. Quickly, quickly!... before the snakes come crawling!"
Once Alice and her automated sister were inside the garden shed, Pablo pulled the door shut with a vicious bang that caused the whole structure to shake. Alice really did think that the shed was going to collapse around them into splinters and dust, but somehow it kept itself together. It was very cramped inside, especially with the hulking Pablo bent in half over his cumbersome workbench, and with all the tools that were stored there, and because of the large ship's wheel and compass that were fixed to the floor. And then there was Pablo's latest terbot creation, which quite by itself took up more than two-thirds of the room. "Magnificent! Isn't he?" Pablo asked upon seeing Alice's wild-eyed stare. "My greatest work. His name is James Marshall Hentrails, Jimi for short. Well then, young girl... what do you think of him?"
The lumbering sculpture looked like a pile of rubbish assembled into the vaguest resemblance of a man. His legs were made from spindly gutter-pipes; his body from a washboard and a mangle (all covered up with a well-read jacket woven out of discarded book covers); his arms were borrowed from the legs of a long-gone-to-salt-and-pepper chicken, all jointed up with brass wire and ending in a fine pair of puppet's hands; his head was (disquietingly) almost human, a doll's face of blackened skin on the top of which languished a long and shaggy knotted haircut made out of the ripped-up legs of a pair of ebony corduroy trousers. In other words: a perfect pile of rubbish.
"Why is his name Mister Hentrails?" Alice asked, delaying her opinion.
"You know what entrails are, don't you, Alice?" Pablo responded, whilst unfastening a small door in the sculpture's stomach.