"Whippoorwill?" said Zenith. "What a wonderful nom de plume. In my trequel, I will turn this feather into a tickling ticket for you."
"Why should I need a tickling ticket?" asked Alice.
"That's the only help I can give you, Alice; do you hear me? Or else the Coincidence Bureau will surely arrest me. Oh but I've just realized; perhaps I'm already writing the book called Automated Alice, and we two are merely characters within it?"
Alice wanted to ask what he meant, but just then, the Town Hall clock reached the twelfth of its slowed-down ding-dongs, and the writer's hand came down to stroke once again at Alice's pinafored shoulder. It was noon. It was that very softest of touches, the breath of friendship, amidst strangers... and then he was gone...
Alice Looks Up Herself
How very sad Alice was to have lost hold of Mister O'Clock's normality, amid the pressing concerns of the six-of-this and half-a-dozen-of-the-other crowd, this ever-changing throng that was pushing into her tender flesh from all sides. Pushing and pushing. In fact, pushing and pushing and pushing! Alice felt like she was being squashed flat by strangeness! But at least she knew what an ellipsis was, or at least she thought that she did. "If I can only find my way back home before two o'clock, 1860," she announced out loud to nobody in particular, "I could then finish my homework! But I must still find Whippoorwill and Celia, before I can go home. Wherever can they have got to?" Alice looked all around the Square of Prince Albert, until her eyes were filled with tears. "Oh dear!" she spluttered. "I'm crying so much that the whole Square seems to be filling up with water!"
Indeed, Albert Square was filling up with water, but it was only the tears of Heaven raining down once again. Alice felt rather sheepish when she realized that it was only the rain filling up the Square, and not her tears alone. (Have you ever seen a sheep in the rain? Well, that's exactly how Alice felt.) The crowd of animals, animates, animen, aniwomen and anioldiron was rushing out of the Square to escape the downpour, leaving Alice quite alone once again.
But not quite alone! Because, yes! There was Whippoorwill! He was fluttering above the Square, and making rather a bad job of the fluttering, because all the rain water had drenched his wings. Alice quickly reached up to try to catch him; in fact, Alice didn't even need to try -- the parrot was so bogged down with moisture, Alice captured him quite easily.
"Whippoorwill!" she scolded. "Look at the state you're in! Whatever will Great Aunt Ermintrude say when I get you home? You will come home with me now, won't you?"
To which the parrot made no reply at all except to look at her with a sideways eye and squawk out another riddle. "Who is it, Alice, that lives between an octopus's area and Ceylon's favourite stethoscope?"
"Well..." commenced Alice, "I almost know where the country called Ceylon is; I've seen it on a map of the world in the schoolroom. I seem to remember that it is famous for growing tea-leaves, but I didn't know that the country had a favourite stethoscope. I didn't know that Ceylon had any stethoscopes at all, let alone a favourite one! And as to how much area an octopus covers; well, I suppose it all depends on how many of his eight legs he might have stretched out, or coiled. But really, Whippoorwill, what could possibly live between two such strange things?"
"Quickly, Alice!"
"Really, I can't make my mind up!"
"Can't make your mind up!" squawked Whippoorwill. "Try making your mind down!"
I can make my mind up, sometimes at least," replied Alice, "but how can I possibly make my mind down? That doesn't seem right at all!"
"You must become more left than right, Alice," shrieked the parrot. "You must become more down than up! You must find the person that lives between an octopus's area and Ceylon's favourite stethoscope." And upon those wet and slippery words Whippoorwill managed to slip away from Alice's hands!
"Whippoorwill!" called out Alice. "Come back here, immediately!" But off he flew once again, vanishing into the skies of Manchester. "Oh, this is too, too much!" sulked Alice. "Why is Whippoorwill being so very naughty today? But oh my goodness! Whatever's making that dreadful noise? Surely it can't be Whippoorwill? Not even the naughtiest parrot in the world could make such a flapping din?"
Alice had indeed heard a very flapping din, accompanied by a huge blast of wind which caused the rain to blow hither and thither. Alice was in danger of losing Whippoorwill's stray feather in this hithering and thithering, so she quickly stuffed it back into her pinafore pocket. Something must have passed between the Earth and the Sun just then, because a thick shadow was drifting over Albert Square. Alice looked upwards; a gigantic, steam-driven iron bird was hovering above the world, blotting out the Sun and making terrible noises and gusts with its expansive wings (which were not like ordinary wings, because they didn't flap up and down, rather they flapped round and round and round in a blurred circle of metallic feathers). Alice was sure she could see a large cannon fixed on the front of the bird, and perched on its back -- why, it was Mrs Minus and Inspector Jack Russell!
Jack Russell shouted down to Alice, "Give yourself up! Give yourself up!"
Alice would have none of it; she would rather give herself down! She started to run, only to feel a pair of powerful hands clasp around her waist! Alice could not move at all, no matter how hard she struggled! "Get your horrible police-fingers off me!" she shrieked.
"Alice, it's only you," croaked a voice behind her.
"Get off me, myself!" Alice shouted to herself.
"Alice, it's me!" replied the voice, releasing the grip. "In other words, it's you! Twin Twisters, remember?"
"Celia!" cried Alice, turning around to recognize her automated counterpart. "I've been searching for you everywhere!"
"I have also been searching for you everywhere. Maybe that's why we couldn't find each other until now; everywhere is a terribly large place, don't you agree?"
"I really don't care, Celia!" replied Alice. "Can you please tell me what that hideous iron bird is doing up there?"
"That is a whirlybird," answered Celia; "an automated police-raven. Surely you've heard of the phrase 'The whirlybird catches the wurm'?"
"Well, I've almost heard of the phrase, but please, tell me that isn't a cannon at the front of the whirlybird?"
"It is a cannon, and we must remove ourselves from this Square. Alice, you must look up yourself."
Alice did try her best to look up herself, folding her body into a mingle of knots, but all to no avail! And the whirlybird was spiralling ever downwards to Albert Square, darkening the shadow of itself.
"But wherever shall we remove ourselves to?" cried Alice to Celia.
"We shall remove ourselves to the Central Library of Manchester."
"To find my history, Celia?"
"To look up yourself, Alice. Exactly so! Hold my hand..."
So Alice took a hold of Celia's hand, only to be whisked (at a terribly automated speed!) towards the immense, circular Central Library of Manchester! It seemed to Alice that she arrived at the library almost before she set off from the Square. The police-raven did try to keep up with the whizzing young girls, but all it could do was to get itself into a right flap! In fact it was really getting the wind up itself! Alice and Celia laughed to see the fearful mechanical bird struggling in vain with the wind and the rain, and to see Mrs Minus and Inspector Jack Russell struggling to keep hold of their seats! Oh what a joyous sight! Alice and Celia then ducked into the library. (That is to say, a mutated creature -- made up of half a man and half an aquatic bird with short legs, large webbed feet, and a broad blunt bill -- was waddling through the door at the same time, and Alice and Celia managed to duck into the library, under the creature's rather over-large bill!)