“You look gorgeous,” John whispered.
Lexi took a deep breath and then turned to face him and Adam. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“I agree with my brother,” Adam said. “Gorgeous.”
“You two look great yourself,” she said cordially.
And they did.
Both were in tailored made-for-their-bodies black suits with pressed white button-ups. Adam’s tie was burgundy and gold, diagonally striped, while John wore a solid burgundy tie. They looked so much alike in that moment even though John was a few years older. John still carried himself with that staggering confidence that melted girls’ panties, but this was Adam’s day. He was as excited as Chyna, and so…today he had won. Plus, he got Chyna, and she was the real prize.
“That’s your cue, Adam,” the wedding planner said.
He walked through the double doors and took his spot next to the officiant. They shook hands and exchanged a few words. Adam had the biggest smile that hadn’t left his face practically since the proposal. He was a man who appreciated the person he was with and would never take advantage of their relationship. He knew how lucky he was today.
“You should wear gold more often,” John said.
That was when Lexi realized that the moment had finally come where she was alone with him again.
“It highlights your skin tone and brings out the gold in your eyes.”
Lexi sighed softly. She had been debating how to approach this situation for a while now. She had never been able to figure it out. She wanted to be okay with all of this for Chyna, but John was walking her down the aisle. The only people she ever wanted to do that was her daddy and her husband. Lexi glanced down at her engagement ring and stopped moving when she realized that her thought hadn’t been Ramsey. It had been on her husband. Granted, they weren’t one and the same…yet.
“You’re lost in thought,” John said.
“Oh, yes. Just thinking about Chyna and how we got to this moment,” she said.
“Right.”
He sounded disbelieving, but she couldn’t care about that.
She brushed down the front of her dress in anticipation of the upcoming wedding ceremony. When she had first caught a glimpse of the dress that Chyna had had designed for her, she had been stunned. It was beautiful. Chyna hadn’t tried to make the dress a little ugly. She knew there was no way she would be outshined on her big day, and the bridesmaid’s dress she had chosen would only make Chyna look more beautiful. It would cast her in the spotlight, not out of it.
The form-fitting dress was a knee-length gold and burgundy number with hand-sewn gold sequins swirled into a pattern on the top. It was strapless and cut into a sweetheart neckline. The bottom half was several layers of pleated sheer burgundy material over a burgundy silk slip that dropped to her knees. She had on matching burgundy high heels, a thin gold chain with a knot resting between her collarbones, and matching gold knot earrings that she had received as a bridesmaid gift.
“Are you all right?” John asked.
“What?” Lexi asked, brushing her palms down her dress again and again.
“You look a little nervous, and you’re kind of pale.”
“Am I?” she gasped, her face blanching further.
“Yeah, you are. Do you need some water? Or do you need to sit down?”
“No, I’m fine. Just…weddings make me nervous,” she admitted.
“Right. Not the marrying type,” he said without any humor in his voice. “Funny since you have the huge ring on your finger.”
“Ramsey’s different,” she said softly.
There was no point in having this conversation with John. It had never ended well in the past. She doubted it would get any better in the future.
“Right,” he repeated.
He smirked at her, but it was equivalent to him just rolling his eyes.
Infuriating man!
“Seriously though. Water?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
“No. Seriously, I’m fine.”
She wasn’t. She felt like she might hyperventilate while walking down that aisle with John. It wasn’t even her wedding, and she was acting like this. She needed to get a handle on herself.
The wedding planner rushed back over to them and smiled through her stress. Lexi didn’t know why the woman was stressing. This had to be one of her easier weddings. It was so small, no more than fifty people in attendance. It was probably even less if Lexi had to guess. They could get through this.
“All set? Just link arms there,” the wedding planner said.
Lexi slipped her hand into the crook of John’s elbow, and he pulled her in a little closer. She took a deep breath and promised not to let it get to her.
“Once you guys are out there, remember to turn at the same time to your places. Chyna will follow once you’re in your spots.”
“Ready?” John whispered in her ear.
Lexi nodded.
And then, the doors were whisked open, and music played a soft classical song. John took the first step, urging her forward. They walked across the rose petals, and she was careful to keep her balance.
Her eyes drifted to Ramsey, who was seated in the middle of the bride’s side. He was in a suit and tie. His green eyes were locked solely on her. He didn’t even blink at the fact that another man was walking her down the aisle. He just continued staring up at her adoringly.
Why wouldn’t this bother him? John was anything but platonic toward her. He never had been. Not that she wanted Ramsey to be irritated with her, but did he just not care?
She was being irrational again. Why was it upsetting her that he didn’t care? Wasn’t that what she wanted? Wasn’t that what she had fought for with Jack?
And now, Jack was getting divorced…and he had told her that he loved her…and he wanted to take her home with him. She wondered if Ramsey would still be okay with it.
Her mind flashed back to the night when he had proposed. She had walked through that restaurant and seen the cookie-cutter wives and the cookie-cutter husbands and the couples who barely cared about each other. She had wondered then if she was headed on that path, if she was going to end up sitting around in nice restaurant because that was what they did rather than truly enjoying each other’s company. How had she swept that under the rug? She still didn’t know if that was where she was heading.
She loved Ramsey. She needed to stop her mind from wandering. This was just a walk down the aisle with John. This had no reflection on her relationship…on her fiancé.
“You remember that conversation we had in the hospital?” John whispered as they neared the platform.
“Yes,” Lexi whispered, intuitively knowing where this conversation was going.
“You’re regretting not taking that out right now.”
Lexi breathed in sharply. She had known it was something like that, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. Was she regretting that?
No…
She never would have taken the out that he had given her. She hadn’t wanted to come back to New York. She had been set on Ramsey…still set on Ramsey. That was the life that she had chosen. It was the life she wanted to lead.
Wasn’t it?
“That offer still stands,” John said right before they broke apart.
John moved to stand next to Adam. Holding her flowers up to her chest, Lexi turned at the same time and took her place next to where Chyna would be standing. John caught her gaze, and he smirked as if he knew that she was considering the offer.
How could she ever consider an offer like that? What was wrong with her? What would make her do that? She felt so out of it all of a sudden. The conversation with Chyna a few weeks ago had only put further doubts in her mind. As if she wasn’t already freaked-out enough, she was now constantly thinking about what she wanted. Was this what she wanted?
It felt like it—most of the time.
But was that good enough?