They reached the porch, and Ramsey stood hastily, staring down at Jack and Lexi standing together. Jack squeezed her arm and then disappeared inside with a backward glance for reassurance. The distance between her and Ramsey kept her feet planted in the sand and him standing on the porch.
“You were gone a long time,” he finally said.
“Yeah.”
“Where did you go?”
Lexi just shrugged and pointed in the direction they had come from. She didn’t know where they had gone. She just remembered the sand, the ocean, the pier…and Jack.
“I was worried.”
Jack had called it.
“Yeah.”
“Lexi,” he said, walking down the steps and into the sand, with his hands splayed out before him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened with me. I love you. It shouldn’t have happened. You just overreacted—”
“Don’t,” she said, holding up her hand. “Don’t tell me I overreacted.”
“Okay. You didn’t. I was in the wrong.”
“Yes, you were. You want me to be okay with Parker, with you working with Parker, after everything we went through. Then, you have a conversation like that with her…and you…” Lexi shook her head. The very thought still made her angry. “Then, you call me her name.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know! I really, really want to be okay with Parker because this is the real deal, Ramsey. Jack asked me if you made me happy. If you did, then he said we should come back because you would be worried. Well, I’m back because you do make me happy. I just can’t figure out what to do with this relationship while Parker is still in love with you.”
“But I don’t love her. I love you,” he said earnestly, taking another step toward her.
Lexi sighed heavily. She stayed in place and allowed him to approach, but she didn’t move toward him. “Then, how can you tell her that you’re not over it?”
“Because what happened between us fucked me up for years. Not knowing still kills me. It’s not her. I don’t want her. I want you. There’s just history between us. Surely, you can understand how hard it is to let go.”
“I understand how hard it is. I don’t understand why you would then blame me by saying I’m insecure about our relationship. I think I’ve been pretty fucking understanding.”
“You have been, and I’ve been an idiot,” he said, reaching out for her. He ran his hands down her sandy arms. “Two years ago, you put your trust in me again, and I have been a hundred percent honest with you since then. I shouldn’t have had that conversation with Parker, but I didn’t say anything that meant I didn’t love you or that I didn’t want to be with you. Please let me continue to show you that I do.”
“Me?” Ramsey whispered. “I’m what’s wrong?”
“Yes. No. Yes. I don’t know,” she said, storming away from him.
“I’m not following. That asshole had you pinned against a wall, and you looked scared out of your mind. Somehow, I’m the problem?”
“It has nothing to do with John or this moment. I’m just freaking out.”
“About what?”
“The wedding. It’s not you. It’s me. I know that sounds stupid and cliché. God, it sounds cliché,” Lexi said, pacing. “But my head isn’t on straight. I keep freaking out about it, and I try to keep it under wraps, but I can’t. It’s all coming up so soon, and I feel like I’m not doing anything for it. I can’t find a dress, and I didn’t want to find Chyna’s bridesmaid dress when I was up here. I feel stupid for being so messed up about it, but I can’t seem to make it stop. What’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Lexi,” Ramsey said softly. He kept her from continuing to pace and held her gaze. “I love you. If that means that I marry you in October or I marry you next October or the one after that…it doesn’t matter to me. You matter to me. Marriage is a piece of paper. You’re my lifetime.”
“I know.”
But still that feeling crept through her. She just imagined standing behind Chyna, being so happy for her friend and feeling absolutely none of it for herself.
“If it’s just the wedding, then we can postpone. I don’t care that we’ve already sent save-the-dates. We can retract them. We can say fuck it to a real wedding and go to the courthouse or Vegas or wherever and just make it official.”
“But you wanted a wedding.”
“I want you. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I want you to be mine. I want you to be Mrs. Bridges.”
She had known that he wanted to marry her. It wasn’t like this was all a secret or a big surprise to her. Ever since that night last June, when he had made the mistake of calling her Parker, Ramsey had been the perfect boyfriend. They had never discussed marriage in much detail, but she didn’t completely cringe away at the thought. She loved him. They were happy. That was what was important. That was what had encouraged her to tell him yes.
“That’s what you want, right?”
Lexi opened her mouth, ready to tell him yes. She was ready to confirm that and clear away his doubts. But how could she clear his doubts when she had so many of her own?
The wedding planner poked her head in at that moment with a smile. “Time for pictures.”
“Thank you,” Ramsey said tersely.
“I’ll see you later,” Lexi said, reaching up and kissing him lightly on the lips.
He tried to pull her in to deepen it, but she had already backed away and turned to walk out of the room. As she walked back to the rooftop, she couldn’t believe that they had just had that conversation. Were they postponing the wedding? Was that even what she wanted?
The rest of the wedding had gone off without a hitch. John had been cleaned up, and luckily, there was only some swelling, and nothing was broken. The wedding planner had rushed him an ice pack as soon as the pictures were complete. Lexi had apologized about a thousand times over even though he had told her repeatedly that it wasn’t her fault. He had said it was her “psycho boyfriend” that should be held responsible.
Chyna had laughed when she heard what had happened. Quintessential Chyna. She had told Lexi that John had probably had that coming for a long time. While likely accurate, Lexi had still felt so pissed about the whole situation that she couldn’t join in with her friend’s laughter. Chyna had been in such a state of bliss with Adam that someone getting punched at her own wedding hadn’t even affected her.
Lexi hadn’t been able to talk to Ramsey at the reception, and even after that, the anger had just festered inside of her. He had suggested pushing back the wedding again, but she had just waved him off. She hadn’t wanted to make a decision when she was this angry. Sleeping on it would be a better alternative to making a quick decision now and regretting it later.
Ramsey had tried to make it up to her, but she wasn’t having that either. Mostly, she had just wanted to be alone…and call Jack…and sleep.
She didn’t get to do any of those things though.
The workdays after the wedding were some of the worst Lexi had experienced since she had closed the Bryant case last year. Months of work had come to a head during the weekend, and she hadn’t been there for any of it. That meant her life when she came home at a reasonable hour was nonexistent. It also meant that the time that she really needed to be spending with Ramsey was nonexistent.
When they returned to Atlanta, she spent all Sunday night and Monday preparing for a rushed court date. Then, the next two days, she had awoken at the crack of dawn and spent all day in the courtroom and her office before collapsing back into bed, exhausted.