“Ramsey?” she implored.
“You should let Parker go. She doesn’t need to be here for this. Then, we should talk.”
Lexi’s heart thudded in her chest. We should talk. It sounded like a death trap. Of course, she had come home early because she wanted to talk to him about the wedding, but…but this sounded different. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she tried to get herself under control. This couldn’t be good.
She moved out of the way, and Parker left the room as quickly as possible. With her gone, she thought that the tension would fall off of him…but it didn’t.
“What’s going on, Ramsey? You’re as white as a ghost.”
“She had a miscarriage.”
“I’m sorry. What?” she snapped, her mind going to the worst possible place.
His green eyes locked onto her, and he shook his head. “When we were dating in college…she had a miscarriage.”
Lexi’s mouth dropped open slightly. A miscarriage. “How do you know? I thought there wasn’t any proof.”
He walked back to the desk and grabbed the paperwork. “See for yourself,” he said, shoving it into her hands.
Lexi snatched the papers from him and scoured the paperwork to try to decipher what she was looking at—discharge paperwork for an abortion clinic.
“What?”
“Admitted and discharged in the same hour. She didn’t go through with it.”
“Where the hell did she come up with this? Is that really suspicious to you that she just magically appeared with the paperwork to prove her point?”
“She went to the clinic right after we broke up and tried to get some paperwork, but the person she spoke with said they had no record of her being there. She didn’t go to the doctor because she was scared that her family would find out. She went back just to see if someone else could be more helpful, and they were able to find this.”
“Don’t you find it odd that she continues to corner you to talk about it? And now, she can prove her innocence even though she knows you’re marrying another woman?” Lexi demanded. “Why did she even have to bring this up? What does she gain?”
“I don’t know, Lexi. I’ve been accusing her of having an abortion for years. It must have been hard to have someone think that you were lying. I guess she gains absolution,” he said softly.
She thought the reasoning was bullshit. Parker was doing this to get back with Ramsey. She might want forgiveness, but she damn well wanted Ramsey, too.
“And you don’t think these papers magically appeared because she wants to get back together with you?”
Ramsey stared at the ground and shook his head. “We had our chance. She didn’t want that after the break, and she doesn’t want that now.”
It was convenient how Ramsey didn’t say that he didn’t want that. Though, she knew he had told her that countless times. She knew that he had always said that he didn’t want Parker.
Lexi ground her teeth together and rifled through the papers, wanting them to say more, wanting them to give her the answers. In frustration, she tossed the papers up in the air and let them settle down on the ground. “These don’t prove anything!”
“Lexi! Jesus!” he said, scrambling to pick up the paperwork she had just discarded.
“Why does this even matter to you?” She gestured at the paper, still scattered on his office floor. “Why the fuck won’t you just let it go?”
“Because I ruined my life years ago over nothing!” he bellowed.
Lexi stood very still. “Ruined your life? I didn’t realize that your life was ruined without Parker,” she whispered scathingly.
“I didn’t mean that,” he said, fisting his hands into his hair. “Don’t you at least understand? We broke up because I thought she had taken away my kid without talking to me. Do you know what that does to someone? And then to find out you were a complete and total asshole to the one person who had always believed in you…I just feel like such a douche. And I know it shouldn’t matter to me because I have you, Lexi, but it does. It matters. I can’t explain it. It’s like watching a wall I’d put up for years crumble to the ground in an instant.”
“Do you still love her?” Lexi whispered.
“I love you.”
“I know you do,” she said, swallowing back the lump in her throat.
“I just need time to process this information. It doesn’t change anything with us, Lexi. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I just never expected this to happen. I was so certain that it was an abortion. It was the only thing that made sense to me. I couldn’t believe Parker, and I couldn’t believe Bekah. Oh Bekah—fuck!” he cried, sitting back into the chair. “I was an ass to her about this for so long.”
“Well, she probably deserved it.”
“Lexi, just lay off for one second. I walked out of her wedding for you. Don’t you think you could cut me some slack when it comes to her?”
No, she most certainty did not. Bekah was the epitome of evil. If they wanted to talk about people who had ruined her life, then Lexi would be sure to put Bekah right up there on the top. In fact, the more she thought about it, the angrier she got.
“We shouldn’t even talk about Bekah. I hate her.”
“She’s still my sister.”
“Well, it’s really clear that we don’t choose our family,” Lexi said.
“What are you even doing home this early?” he asked, changing the subject. He sank in the chair at his desk and rested his head in his hands.
She could see him hurting, and she wanted to find sympathy for him. She did feel sympathy for him…she really did. It probably hurt like a motherfucker, finding out that he had been all wrong about the woman that he had been planning to marry. She couldn’t imagine going through something like that with Jack. She was glad there had never been a pregnancy scare. She didn’t know what she would have done in that situation.
But at the same time, all of this had happened years ago. And yeah, it was emotional and upsetting that he was just now discovering the truth, but it wasn’t the end of the world—not unless it changed something…changed the way he felt about Lexi or Parker or both.
“My boss let me out since I had to be in early the rest of the week. I came home because I hadn’t seen you, and I wanted to talk to you. We haven’t gotten a chance to talk since Chyna’s wedding.”
“What do we have to talk about?” he grumbled.
She hated doing this right now. He was already hurting, and this wasn’t going to make anything better. But she couldn’t hold back any longer. It was eating at her every day. She couldn’t keep things from him, not when it was impacting her this much.
“I want to postpone the wedding.”
Ramsey let loose a strangled cry at the words, and Lexi felt like her heart was breaking.
“You said it was okay…”
“I didn’t think you would actually want to do it.”
“So, you…lied?” she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.
Ramsey stood slowly. He was so tall that he towered over her, even with the weight of everything that had happened holding down his shoulders. “I didn’t lie. I want to marry you whenever you’ll have me. I just worry about postponing.”
“Why?” she whispered, feeling like she knew what was coming.
He sighed and dropped his head before answering. “I’m afraid this is a reaction to what just happened, not a reflection of how you really feel. I promise it doesn’t change things with us, Lexi.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “This isn’t about Parker. This is me. This is my decision.”
“It just seems like you didn’t want to do it before, and now you do because of what just happened.”
“I’m telling you that I’m making up my mind about what I want. This is my decision. The pressure at work is too much. I don’t feel in control.”
“Are you ever going to be in control?” Ramsey asked, running his hand back through his hair. “You keep talking about control like you’ll ever have a grasp on it. If we ever had control over our relationships, then I wouldn’t have just found out about Parker’s miscarriage. That,” he said, pointing out the door that Parker had just left through, “that is what it’s like to be out of control. You just use it as an excuse.”