“I think…I think I need to get some sleep,” she said, standing.
She couldn’t address what had just happened. She couldn’t let herself think about his words and the consequences in his meaning. She couldn’t think about how much she had wanted him to kiss her, to feel his lips pressed against her, to taste him.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “You can take the bed.”
“Okay,” she said, not wanting to argue with him.
She trudged down the short hall after him to the only bedroom in the place. He opened the door for her and flipped on a light. The minimalist décor continued into the bedroom. There was a queen-sized bed sitting in the corner and a small dresser. The closet was open on the opposite wall, and she could see that it, at least, was mostly full. It seemed the only real thing he had moved over to the place was his clothing.
“Bathroom is across the hall. Let me know if you need anything,” he told her. “I’ll just grab a pillow. I only have the ones on the bed.”
“Oh, okay,” she said.
He took a pillow and walked back out of his own room. “Good night.” He smiled forlornly, and then he disappeared back down the hall to where he would be sleeping…on the couch.
What was the world coming to?
Lexi padded into the bathroom where she changed into sleeping clothes and brushed her teeth. She stared at her reflection and wondered how anyone could want her at all. She looked run-down because she was run-down. She hadn’t exercised since last week, and that wasn’t helping anything. When her job put her on benders like this, she didn’t get to do much of anything—sleep, eat, work out. Circles were under her puffy red eyes, and her complexion was seriously missing the beach. At least her hair was still long and glossy.
Ever the optimist.
Lexi rolled her eyes and walked back across the hall and into the bedroom. She shut the door with a sigh and then hesitantly curled up into Jack’s bed. She groaned when she took in her first breath and buried her nose into the pillow.
Christ! The whole bed smelled like him—musky sexy cologne and sex. It made her entire body curl in on itself in pleasure from the heady feeling of intoxication that washed over her and the joyous aftereffect of an adrenaline boost pumping endorphins through her body.
There was no way that she was going to be able to sleep in this. All she could think about was all the times she had been pressed into his body in college after marathons tucked away in his bed…and the sound of his voice telling her that losing her had been the worst mistake of his life.
She lay in bed, wide-awake, for as long as she could stand it. She knew that she had to work bright and early in the morning, but she couldn’t fall asleep, lying here. If only her exhaustion would just set in and give her the temporary relief she needed…
But it didn’t.
With a sigh, she swung her legs back over the edge of the bed, walked across the room, and back down the hallway. Jack was lying on the couch, facing the ceiling, a blanket thrown across him. When she walked in, he turned to face her. He didn’t look like he had been sleeping either.
“Can’t sleep,” she whispered.
“Me either.”
“Thinking about you.”
“Yeah.”
Lexi leaned against the entrance to the hallway and fiddled with her hair hanging loose over one shoulder. She wasn’t wearing more than a tank top and sleeping shorts, but she couldn’t be self-conscious in front of Jack.
“What should I do?” she whispered, wishing she had all the answers.
“Sleep on it and decide in the morning.”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s for the better,” she agreed. “Come with me?”
Jack took a deep breath. “Where?”
Her eyes found him in the darkness before she responded. “Bed.”
“Lex,” he groaned huskily.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“I…I can’t.”
“Please,” she begged.
Jack kicked his feet over the side and ran his hand through his hair. After taking a deep breath, he walked across the room to stand in front of her. “You’re still engaged.”
“I know.” Lexi nodded, meeting his eyes. “I’m not asking you to sleep with me…”
“I can’t promise you that I won’t.” His hands found her hips, and he gripped them tightly in his hand.
He was fighting for control. She could feel it rolling off of every inch of him.
“I didn’t ask you to,” she said, biting her lip. Her eyes flitted back to the ground, and she felt him reflexively pull her against him.
“I don’t want to hurt you ever again…”
“You’re not hurting me,” she said, finding his hand and pulling it into hers. “I’m just asking you to hold me. Please.”
She tugged on his arm, and with only a moment’s hesitation, he followed her down the hallway and back into his room. Jack closed the door behind them as Lexi snuggled back under the covers. Her heart was fluttering in her chest with anticipation. She licked her lips again and tried not to think about what she was doing. Nothing was happening.
Jack crawled into bed next to her, and she could feel her pulse in the tips of her fingers.
He set her body on fire.
“Lex,” he whispered.
She could feel the charged space between them and realized that she was even more awake now than she had been before.
“I can’t…”
Lexi pushed her body into him, and he stopped talking. She relaxed against his chest, fitting into him like the missing puzzle piece. His hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her flush against his body, his head falling onto her shoulder.
“God, you smell so good,” he groaned, breathing her in.
His body was warm, and together like this, it was like an inferno. They hadn’t been together like this since his birthday and before that…New York. All of the resistance that she had put up melted away in an instant, and she wondered how she had ever said no. She remembered why she had been an idiot all those years. She remembered why it had all been worth it to her.
But she wouldn’t…couldn’t do this with him. She was still engaged. If she slept with Jack tonight, like her body was practically demanding in that moment, then she would be completely in the wrong. It wouldn’t be her decision with Ramsey anymore. She would have fucked up another relationship, no matter if it was already in a weakened condition. She had sworn she would never do that to Ramsey…ever. Even where they were now, she knew that she had to hold on to that. If she were with Jack now, then she would be no better than Ramsey having feelings for Parker.
With a groan, Lexi pulled away from Jack. “I can’t either,” she said, turning to face him.
He dropped his head to the pillow with a sigh. “I know.”
“We’re friends,” she said, trying to put back up the barrier that they had worked so hard to achieve, the barrier she had single-handedly knocked down.
“I can’t just be your friend,” he breathed huskily into the darkness.
Lexi couldn’t make out the outline of his jawline or the smirk she knew that played across his face or the shaggy set of his hair that perpetually fell into his eyes. But she knew what it all looked like by memory. His breath, hot on her face, made her eyes close, conjuring those memories that she desperately tried to hold back.
“You have to be,” she managed to get out. She didn’t even sound like herself. She wasn’t herself when she was with him. She was his.
Seth had said it the best all that time ago—when they were together, there was no one else.
“No.” His hand found her fingers and slowly pried them apart, and then he slipped his hand into hers.
She didn’t even fight him.
“See.”
“What?” she asked, pressing her palm against his as his thumb stroked up her hand.
“We fit together perfectly,” he murmured. “Don’t let anyone tell you different.”
Lexi whimpered at the words falling from his lips that she so desperately craved. It wasn’t fair. It was too late. Too damn late. Why now?