She couldn’t breathe. It was just like Jack to flip her world upside down. It was just like him to make her feel the most intense emotions. He wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jack continued, “I don’t want it to be easy. I just want it to be right, and the only way it’s ever going to be right is with you.”
“I need to…I need to sleep on it. I need to talk to Ramsey. I can’t…I’m not in the right mind-set to make a decision,” she said, trying to forestall this, trying to hold back. Because if she let loose, then she didn’t know what would happen. She had to change the subject, or she might combust. “What are you going to do about work?”
Jack waved off the question. “I don’t care. I’ll get another job. I’ve already been looking.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere. Does it even matter? I’ll go anywhere as long as I have you,” he said with earnest.
“Jack, you’re still married,” she reminded him, hoping to put some much-needed distance between them.
Jack groaned and shook his head. He looked like talking about his marriage at the moment was the last thing on his mind.
He wanted her. He fucking wanted her. How long had she been craving those words?
But could she even trust that they would last? Could she trust that if another predictable blonde walked by, he wouldn’t walk, too? Two years ago, she would have said with certainty that he would run scared. He would find another Danielle, another Kate, another Bekah. He would look for something stable and solid, just like he had said, and leave her behind in the dust.
Second-best.
That was what she had been for so long. But she didn’t feel second-best any longer. Sure, they hadn’t been working toward a romantic relationship for the past two years, but they had been working toward a relationship. They had been working toward a friendship. And it was as solid and stable and perfect as she could have ever wanted from anyone…let alone, Jack.
He hadn’t put her second.
He had exchanged the D-Bags tickets for the front row because he knew she wanted to be closer. He hadn’t put a move on her, and he had respected her relationship with Ramsey. He had defended her to Bitch Bekah against Elisa. He had followed her that night on the beach. Even drunk and desperate, he had told her to leave his place. He hadn’t wanted to fuck up her relationship. And then, when her relationship was in shambles, he had still waited four whole days before telling her how he felt and risking his feelings. And she was almost certain that he wouldn’t have said anything at all if he had thought that she was going to go running back to Ramsey on that first day.
“I’ll be divorced in three weeks. I’ll let Bekah say whatever she wants. I’ll just get it over with, and then I’ll be free.”
“You can’t let her win like that,” Lexi said, the lawyer in her coming out automatically.
“She’s not winning when I’m gone.”
“She won’t see it like that. You need to fight.”
“I don’t want to prolong the proceedings. I just want her gone,” he said earnestly.
Lexi bit her lip and closed her eyes. She couldn’t do this right now. She couldn’t think about this with Jack’s words spiraling through her mind.
“Lex, look at me,” he whispered. “Please.”
Her eyes fluttered open and she stared into his baby blue eyes.
“I already told you what I think. I think you should leave him. Not because of me, but for you. To save this,” he said, pointing at her heart. “I just want you to open your eyes and do what your heart wants. Does it want that person, that life?”
He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and then straightened, giving her the space she needed.
“I took what you said to heart, and I tried to listen to you. I tried to commit, to work through my issues, to let you go, to let you be happy. You were the catalyst, but I did those things for me. I did them to make me a better person,” he told her. “You once asked why you weren’t good enough for me when my eyes were open. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with what was wrong with me. And Lex, I just want you to feel good enough for yourself with your eyes open.”
Lexi pulled out her cell phone and prayed for Chyna to answer. She and Adam were returning from their honeymoon today. Lexi knew it was selfish to rain on Chyna’s parade as soon as she got back, but there wasn’t much else that she could do. She needed to talk to her best friend. She needed Chyna to calm her down.
Knowing it was her only opportunity to speak to Chyna before Lexi got off work later tonight, she had taken a break from court for an early dinner. She hadn’t been able to sleep last night, and she was worse for wear because of it. Sleeping in Jack’s bed, even alone, with all of his words pushing through her mind, demanding her attention, had been impossible. She had tossed and turned all night until she finally fell into a restless slumber a few hours before she had to be up.
She hadn’t seen Jack in the morning, and Lexi had assumed that had been on purpose. He probably wanted to give her the space she needed.
Lose Jack and be with Ramsey.
Be with Jack and lose Ramsey.
Be by herself without either of them.
Move back to New York, start a new life, rebound-fuck John all over again.
Run from her past for a future that couldn’t even begin to handle her emotional baggage.
“Chica!” Chyna cried.
She sounded hella happy in that moment, and it made Lexi frown at the thought of bringing her down.
“I’m glad you’re back.”
“Oh my God. I’m not. I could live on the beach with the ocean and a private cabana on a private island, having marathon sex and drinking my life away. It was pure bliss. Pure fucking bliss, Alexa,” Chyna crooned.
“It’s good to hear that,” Lexi said sullenly. She knew Chyna didn’t have a picture-perfect life, but she had a life with Adam that was about as pristine as it could get since that last breakup when they had finally decided to commit.
“What did I miss? You sound like you’re…perpetually, emotionally distraught.”
“It’s not perpetual.”
Chyna snorted. “Yeah, okay.”
“Whatever.”
“What? Don’t act dumb. You’re a hot mess. I’ve come to live with it. At least you’re hot.”
She could practically see Chyna shrugging it off.
“Are you still drunk? You’re talking like an idiot. Or is that just your perpetual state?” Lexi asked harshly.
“Drunk is my perpetual state. We both know I’m a genius,” Chyna said with a giggle.
“Oh…totally. Genius.”
“Anyway, you shit. What’s up with you and that buzzkill sound coming out of your mouth?”
Really, she could always rely on Chyna for an understanding, caring pick-me-up.
“I walked out on Ramsey, left the house, and haven’t seen or spoken to him in, um…five days. I went to Jack’s, and he’s in love with me. So, I guess he wants to be with me. Now, I have to decide what I want to do, because I don’t think that they’re down for a threesome,” Lexi said, letting it all out in a rushed paraphrase of everything that had happened.
“Damn. That would be some really good hate sex,” Chyna mused aloud.
“Chyna!” Lexi cried. Sometimes, her best friend astounded her, but still, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“What? What do you want me to say? You’re in the same position you were three years ago, except this time, you have the baggage to boot with Ramsey and a diamond ring on your finger. This is the same conversation we had before I got married. What do you want?” Chyna implored. “You don’t need a guy to make you happy. You wouldn’t have spent three years in law school killing yourself if that were the case. If Ramsey doesn’t make you happy, then let him go. If Jack doesn’t make you happy, then let him go. If the only thing that will make you happy is a threesome, I know some people who could help with that.”