I called my mom at her office and thanked her for letting me stay home.
"Well, I know that you share some classes with Cal," Mom said. "I thought it might be hard to see him today."
Her words reminded me: she didn't even know he was gone. My stomach knotted up again. My mom thought all I was suffering from was my very first broken heart. That was certainly true, but it was also so much more than that, Cal's betrayal so much deeper.
"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I've got to run," she said. "I've got an appointment to show a house in Taunton. Will you be all right? Want me to come home at lunch?"
"No, I'm okay," I said. "I think I'll go out and run some errands."
"Staying busy is a good idea," she said. "And if you feel like calling later, just to talk, I'll be here most of the afternoon.”
"Thanks." I hung up and went upstairs. I changed into jeans and a heavy ski sweater that my Aunt Maureen had given me last Christmas. I don't ski, and the sweater was kind of snow flaky for my taste, but I was cold, and it was the warmest thing I owned.
I went into my closet, where I had shoved Cal's gifts. My hands shook as I put them in my backpack. I set my jaw and willed myself not to grieve over them, over him. Then I grabbed my parka and hurried out of the house.
I drove north in my battered, ratty car, beneath bleak, wintry skies that seemed leached of all color. Despite the salt on the roads, a thin sheet of ice covered the ground. All the cars were moving slowly. I switched on the radio, hoping for the local news, but instead got a weather report stating that the temperature was currently eighteen degrees and would drop to ten by evening. With the wind chill, it was even more brutal.
I pulled into a parking spot right in front of Practical Magick; for a change, parking was easy, as the block was practically empty. Only after I had climbed out of my car did I remember that there was one more gift from Cal, the one I'd loved best of alclass="underline" the pentacle that he had worn around his neck. It was somewhere on the floor of my car, where I'd let it fall the day before when it had hit me that Cal was using it to enhance his control over me. I leaned down, searched the damp floor mats, and found the little silver circle with its five-pointed star. Without looking at it, I slipped it into the outer pocket of my pack.
I pushed through the heavy glass doors into Practical Magick. The shop was dark and cozy; half of it given to books on every aspect of Wicca, the occult, and New Age spiritual practices; the other half filled with a huge variety of supplies: candles, herbs, powders, crystals, ritual tools like athames, pentacles, robes, even cauldrons. The warm air was scented with herbs and incense. It all felt familiar, reassuring, safe—all feelings I had in very short supply at the moment.
I was surprised to see a customer in the shop, since there weren't any cars out front. Alyce was talking to a young woman who wore a sling with a baby in it and was holding the hand of a boy who looked to be about four years old.
As the woman spoke to her, Alyce nodded, dislodging several strands of gray hair from her long braid. She tucked them back in without ever taking her blue eyes from the young woman's face. It looked like a serious conversation. I wandered along the rows of books, waiting until they were done. I wanted to be able to talk to Alyce and David privately.
Then I heard more voices and saw an elderly couple emerge from behind the curtain that blocked off the tiny back room that David used as an office. They looked upset, as the woman talking with Alyce did. I wondered what was going on. Were there all kinds of magickal emergencies requiring Alyce and David's help today?
The elderly couple spoke with Alyce and the young woman. From the way they were behaving, they all seemed to know one another. They must be the people who lived upstairs, I realized. Practical Magick was on the ground floor of a three-story building. There were apartments above it, but I had never seen any of the tenants before. That would explain why there were no cars outside and why the elderly couple wore only sweaters.
They all left together. Alyce watched them for a moment, shook her head sadly, and then went back behind the counter.
I studied her quietly. Could she have had any part in what had happened to me?
Sensing my gaze, Alyce glanced up. "Morgan," she said, and I could see nothing but concern in her face. She came out from around the counter and took both my hands. "Hunter came by this morning and told us what happened. Are you all right?"
I nodded, looking at her. I let my senses seek for danger from her. I sensed nothing.
"Let's go in the back and talk," Alyce said. "I'll put the teakettle on."
I followed her behind the counter to the small back room, where David, the other clerk, sat at the square, battered table he used as a desk. An open ledger, its columns filled with numbers, lay in front of him. David, who was in his early thirties, was prematurely gray, a trait that he said was typical of his clan, the Burnhides. Today his face looked drawn and weary, as if he were aging to match his hair.
«Morgan,» he said, "I was horrified to hear what happened to you. Please, sit down."
He closed the ledger as Alyce put a mixture of dried herbs into a metal tea ball. Then she turned to face me. "We owe you an apology," she said. David nodded his agreement.
I waited nervously. An apology for what?
"We were too slow to see what Selene was really after," David said. "Too slow to stop her."
I could feel truth, and sorrow, in his statement. My nerves began to unwind.
"It wasn't your fault," I said. It felt strange to have these adult witches apologizing to me. "I should have seen through Selene and. . and the rest of them." I couldn't bring myself to say Cal's name.
The kettle on the hot plate began to steam, and Alyce poured the boiling water into a teapot. She set it on a trivet to let the tea steep.
"Selene is a very seductive woman," David said. "All of Starlocket was taken in by her, even those of us who should have been wary. Cal might have been the only one who truly knew her nature."
"She's pure evil," I said angrily. The force of my words surprised me.
David raised one silver eyebrow. "It's more complex than that, I think. Very few things are purely black or white."
"Plotting to kidnap or kill me?" I demanded. "To steal my mother's coven's tools? Doesn't that count as evil?"
"Yes, of course," David said. He wasn't flustered by my outburst. In fact, it occurred to me that I'd never seen him flustered about anything. "Her actions were evil. But her intentions may have been more complicated than that."
"Her intentions aren't at issue," Alyce said, and I heard a note of steel in her voice.
David looked thoughtful but didn't say anything.
Alyce poured the tea. "Mint, motherwort, lemongrass, and a pinch of catnip. It's a very soothing brew," she announced, as if she wanted to change the subject. She sat down and took my hand. "This must be so awful for you," she said.
All I could do was nod. I took a deep breath. "Did you know they were both Woodbane?" I blurted. I hadn't realized how much that troubled me until this moment
Alyce and David exchanged glances. "Yes," said David. "But that name doesn't mean what it used to."
"Morgan," Alyce said, closing her hand over mine, "you know that being Woodbane doesn't make you evil. A person chooses his or her own way."
"I guess," I mumbled. In a way I wanted to believe that Cal had had no choice but to be evil because of his Woodbane blood. But that would mean that I didn't either. I sighed. Wicca had seemed such a beautiful thing at first. How had it all become so complicated and frightening?
"If you need anything," David said, "If you have a question, need someone to talk to. ."
"A shoulder to cry on," Alyce added. "Please, come to us. We are so sorry we weren't able to protect you from Selene. You are so new to this world, so vulnerable."