I opened the front door. The living room was empty, and the house smelled of chocolate chip cookies and wood smoke. There were still embers in the fireplace, and I could smell a faint tinge of the lemon oil that my mom used on the furniture. I heard my parents' voices in the kitchen and the sound of the dishwasher being unloaded.
"Mom? Dad?" I called nervously.
My parents, Sean and Mary Grace Rowlands, came into the living room. "Morgan, you look like you've been crying," my mom said when she caught sight of me. "Was the fight with Cal very bad?"
"I–I broke up with Cal." It wasn't exactly true, but it wasn't the falsehood that shocked me as much as the truth of my situation. Cal and I were no longer together. We were not a couple. We were not going to love each other forever. We were not going to be together again. Ever.
"Oh, honey," said my mom. The sympathy in her voice made me want to cry for the hundredth time that awful night.
"That's too bad," my dad chimed in.
"Um, I also had a little accident in Das Boot," I said. The lie slipped out before I'd even fully formulated it. I just knew I had to explain the crumpled hood of my car somehow.
"An accident?" my dad exclaimed. "What happened? Are you all right? Was anyone else hurt?"
"No one got hurt. I was pulling out of Cal's driveway and I hit a light pole. I kind of messed up the hood of my car." I swallowed. "I guess I was pretty upset."
"Oh my God," Mom said. "That sounds serious! Are you sure you're all right? Maybe we should run you over to the ER and have them take a look at you."
"Mom, I didn't hit my head or anything." I smothered a cough.
"But—" my dad began.
"I'm fine." I cut him off. I had to get to my room before I had a nervous breakdown right in front of them. "I'm just beat, that's all. I really just want to go to bed."
Then, before they could ask any more questions, I fled up the stairs. I was relieved to see that the door to my sister's room was closed. I couldn't handle another explanation. Or even another syllable.
In my room I paused briefly to pet Dagda, my little gray kitten, who was curled up on my desk chair. He mewed a sleepy hello. I went over to my dresser to get out my softest flannel pajamas. But I paused, staring at a tiny gift box on top of my dresser. It was one of the birthday gifts Cal had given me last week: a pair of earrings, golden tiger-eyes set in silver. I couldn't stop myself from opening the box to look at them again. They were as beautiful as I remembered: the silver swirling in delicate Celtic knots and the stones that were the same color as Cal's eyes. I could still see him, his dark, raggedly shorn hair, his sensual mouth, the golden eyes that seemed to see right into me. The way he used to laugh. The way he had felt like a soul mate from the start.
I laid the earrings on my palm. They gave off a little pool of heat. They're spelled, I realized with a rush of nausea. Goddess, they're just another tool to control me, to spy on me. I remembered thinking, when he gave them to me, that these gifts were wrapped in his love. But the fact was, they were wrapped in his magick.
I couldn't keep them anywhere near me, I realized. I would have to find a safe way to dispose of everything Cal had given me. But not tonight. I stashed the earrings in the back of my closet, together with his other gifts. Then I put on my pajamas.
As I was pulling back my covers, there was a soft knock at my door. A moment later my mom stepped in. "Are you going to be all right?" she asked. Her voice was quiet.
And then the tears were flooding down my cheeks, my defenses completely overwhelmed. I sobbed so hard, my whole body shook.
I felt my mom beside me, her arms encircling me, and I clung to her as I hadn't in years. "My darling," she said into my hair. "My daughter. I'm so sorry. I know how much you must be hurting. Do you want to talk about it?"
I raised my head and met her eyes. I cant. .. I whispered, gasping. "I can't. .."
She nodded. "All right," she said. "When you're ready."
When I'd crawled into bed, she pulled the comforter up to my chin and kissed my forehead as if I were six. Reaching over, she turned off my light. "I'm here," she murmured, taking my hand in hers. "It'll be all right."
And so clutching her hand tightly, I fell asleep.
2. Changes
I went to Selene's house tonight after I drove Morgan home. I waited until the police and firefighters were all gone, and then I spent an hour trying to get in, but I couldn't break though the thickest of spells she put round the place. It's bloody frustrating. I felt like chucking a rock through one of those big plate glass windows.
I wonder if Morgan could do it? I know she got into Selene's hidden library without even trying. She is incredibly strong, though incredibly untutored, too.
No. I can't ask her. Not after what she went though at that place. Goddess, the pain in her face tonight—and all over that bastard Cal. It made me sick to see it.
— Giomanach
I drifted awake on Monday, aware that the house was awfully quiet. Was I actually up before my parents or my sister? It didn't seem possible. They were all morning people, insanely perky long before noon, a trait I could not fathom. It should have been the great tip-off that I was adopted.
I squinted at my clock. Nine forty-eight?
I bolted upright. "Mary K.!" I yelled.
No answer from my sister's room. I cast my senses out and realized I was alone in the house. What is going on? I wondered, sitting up.
A cough tore at my throat. Within the next instant everything that had happened last night came back to me. The enormity of it overwhelmed me. I dropped back against my pillows again and took a deep breath.
Nine forty-eight. Calculus would be starting soon. It suddenly hit me that I would never share my calculus and physics classes with Cal again, and anguish clawed at me. How stupid are you? I asked myself in disgust.
I staggered to my feet and padded downstairs. A note from my mom lay on the kitchen counter.
Sweetie,
I think you need to rest today. Dad gave Mary K. a ride to school, and she'll go to Jaycee's later. There's leftover chili in the fridge for lunch. Give me a call and let me know how you're feeling.
Love, Mom
P.S. I know you won't believe me yet, but I promise you will get over this.
I blinked, feeling both grateful and guilty. There was so much they didn't know; so much I could never tell them.
I stuck a Pop-Tart in the toaster and got a Diet Coke from the fridge. The first sip, though, convinced me it was a mistake. The bubbles of carbonation stung like little pinpricks as they went down my throat. I made some tea instead and skimmed through the newspapers. The local paper only came out twice a month, and of course there was nothing in The New York Times or the Albany Times Union about a minor fire in Widow's Vale, two hours away from either city. I could watch the local news later on TV. I wondered if my school would have some kind of explanation for Cal's disappearance.
By the time I'd finished breakfast, it was after ten. For a moment I debated crawling back under the covers with Dagda. But I needed to deal with Cal's gifts right away, so a trip to Practical Magick was in order. I figured the people who ran the shop, Alyce and David, would know what to do.
Then a horrible thought occurred to me: David and Alyce were part of Starlocket, Selene's coven. Could they have had anything to do with what happened to me?
I sank back into the chair, resting my elbows on the kitchen table, my forehead in my hands. My stomach roiled. Had everyone I'd trusted betrayed me? Practical Magick was almost a sanctuary to me; Alyce, in particular, a kind of guide. Even David, who had initially made me feel uncomfortable, was turning out to be someone whose friendship I valued.