“What’s wrong is that none of this is fair to you,” he said, breaking her hold so he could swing his legs over the side of the sofa and stare into the fire. “I wanted a mate. I didn’t expect complications.”
“So I’m a complication?”
He winced. “Not...you. This situation. I’m not usually impulsive, but I asked for a mate before considering what life down here would be like for her. A dark, creepy realm and a mate who can’t feel anything. What a catch I am.”
Oh, look, the pity party had started up again. Rock on.
“You’re wrong,” she said fiercely. “You can feel. I watched you in the sand and the snow, and I promise that what I felt coming off of you was sheer happiness. You felt that. I saw you. I felt you.”
“And trust me,” he said, “those were the best two hours of my life. Then we came back.” He caught a glimpse of the chronoglass out of the corner of his eye, and he swore the thing mocked him. “When I was with you in the desert and Arctic, it felt as if the chains holding my emotions at bay broke. But the moment we return, all that emotion shifts to pain, like my body can’t handle it.”
“Maybe it can’t. Your emotions have been bottled up for a long time. Maybe they’re starting to break free.” She shifted on the sofa so she was sitting cross-legged and facing him, the blanket tugged up to cover her all the way to her breasts. Shame, that. “You’re empathic, but not down here, right?”
“Right. Except...”
“Except what?” She poked him in the thigh, startling him with her playfulness. “Tell me. I can handle it.”
He scrubbed his hand over his face, knowing it probably wasn’t wise to talk about other females when you were with the one you just made come.
Just spit it out.
“The only time I feel anything is when I’m fucking,” he blurted. “And it’s not even my emotions I’m feeling. It’s the female’s. So imagine how awesome it is to be servicing an angel who doesn’t even want to be here. Who loathes me or is terrified. Yeah, it’s great. But you know what the worst part of it is? Some small part of me is grateful even to feel their disgust and fear, because at least it’s something.”
Damn, that was some nice babbling, wasn’t it?
He risked a brief peek at her, expecting to see revulsion, but all he saw was more pity. Which was somehow worse.
“Okay,” she breathed. “So you can’t feel your own emotions. But you used to have them down here, right?”
“Yes, thanks for the recap.”
She huffed. “What I’m trying to say is that maybe this is the beginning of you starting to feel again. It started happening after the first time travel session, right?” At his nod, she continued. “So the time travel must be triggering it. Was it worse the first time or today?”
He thought about it for a moment. “Today, but you were a good distraction.”
A shy smile turned up one corner of her mouth. “You’re welcome.” The blanket had fallen to expose deep cleavage and the delicate swells of her breasts, but sadly, she tugged it up to her throat. “But I was afraid I was going to lose you again for a minute there.”
“When?”
She turned as red as a Sora demon’s ass. “When you, ah...when your finger discovered...” She cursed and blurted, “Why was my virginity such an issue for you?”
It was his turn to curse. He’d done so many stupid things in his life, and the virginity thing was one of them. She was going to think he was a serious idiot.
That’s because you’re an idiot.
“Remember I told you about how I did something stupid and became a stronger empath?” At her nod, he scrubbed his face again. If he had any emotions, he’d be embarrassed. “That something I did was a female. A succubus. A virgin succubus.”
“Oh...shit.” Angels weren’t supposed to fornicate with humans, let alone demons, but of all the demons, succubi were the most forbidden. Virgin succubi were the worst of the worst, and if caught, the offending angel would pay dearly—perhaps even with his wings.
“Shit doesn’t even begin to cover it,” he said gruffly. “And I didn’t know she was a demon at the time.”
Lilliana smiled wryly. “Isn’t that what they all say?”
Probably. But he’d prided himself on being too smart to fall for any demon tricks, especially those coming from succubi.
“I thought she was a human sorceress,” he explained. “I’d made a few, let’s say shady, inquiries through underground networks about a spell or a token that could increase empathic powers. She said she could help. She was the perfect mix of vixen and maiden, and I fell for it.”
“Wait...if you were an empath, why didn’t you sense the fact that she wasn’t human?”
“Because most breeds of succubi can project false emotion and mask their true identities with aphrodisiac magic. Virgin succubi, in particular, are impossible to detect as demons.”
Lilliana shifted, and the sound of the blanket rasping against her naked body made his sex stir again. Quickly, he swiped his pants off the floor and threw them on.
“A succubus’s virginity is priceless,” she said as she watched him dress. “The moment her barrier is broken, a massive wave of power is released. People pay outrageous sums to deflower a virgin succubus and reap the benefits of that power. So why would she just give it to you when you didn’t even know what she was?”
He sank back down on the couch. “Because when an angel deflowers a virgin succubus, she absorbs a huge amount of his power in return. Now, picture a succubus who possesses abilities generally available to angels.” At her expression of horror, he laughed bitterly. Yeah, she got the picture. “Thanatos once accused me of being the Horsemen’s father. I played it off like he was way off base, but the truth is that I did fuck Lilith.” He remembered how sweet she’d been. How delicate. How fucking good she was at deception. “It was Lilith who granted me my wish to be more empathic. She was the virgin.”
Lilliana sat back hard against the back of the couch, as if her body would no longer support her.
“Oh...wow.” Her hand clutched the blanket so tightly that her knuckles were white. “So that’s how she became so powerful...powerful enough to trick Reaver into sleeping with her and fathering the Horsemen.”
“Everything comes with a consequence. I took her virginity and got what I wanted, but I also set into motion the events that almost led to the Apocalypse. She absorbed many of my powers, turning her into the most powerful succubus to ever live. Then she seduced Reaver, and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were born.”
“Holy crap.” Lilliana flopped onto her back, eyes wide and staring at the ceiling. “You know, my life has been very boring compared to yours.”
Unexpectedly, he laughed, a flat-out, genuine laugh as he stretched out beside her once again.
It was then that he noticed it. His lungs seized and his body trembled, and it took forever for his brain to process the reality as he stared into the fire.
For the first time in thousands of years, he felt the warmth from the flames.
Chapter Twelve
It turned out that when someone informed you that they had deflowered the most infamous succubus in history and set off what would become major apocalyptic events, you shut down. At least, Lilliana did.
She’d lain there with Azagoth in surprisingly comfortable silence, her mind spinning with more questions. But eventually, she dozed off, and when she woke, Azagoth was gone. But fresh clothes had been laid out on the table next to the sofa, and next to the clothes was a tray containing a turkey sandwich, a bowl of fruit, an assortment of cheeses and crackers, and two decadent desserts. She decided she’d eat the caramel cheesecake first, and save the fudge truffle cake for last.