Suddenly, she was furious with herself, her mother, her life. She threw the notebook across the room, feeling immensely good when it hit the wall. Why was she so determined to hide?
What would be the problem with going out on a real date with Hawk? Hadn’t she decided it would be nice to be with him, even if it was only temporary? Why did she have to analyze the whole thing, map it out, and deny herself what she wanted?
Just because the idea of going out with him on a real date didn’t fit in with her nice little plans didn’t mean it was wrong. Why keep fighting this when she knew it was a losing battle? Besides, this man was the last thing she thought about before falling asleep. He was the one she dreamed of, and he was the first thought on her mind in the morning.
But would she even get a choice to go out with him now? The look he’d shot her after she’d told him he wasn’t good enough hadn’t been too kind. She may have blown her shot with the man. Wouldn’t that make this all so much easier?
She was a chicken! That’s what she was. She wanted him to hate her because then she wouldn’t have to choose between her own happiness and her goals. She was also a fool. With determination, she stood up.
She’d overheard the teachers talk about how Hawk liked to ice-skate with the kids on some Saturdays. Though it had been years since she’d gone ice-skating, and though she hadn’t been good at it back then, she decided she should give it another try.
Before she could change her mind, she washed her face, bundled up, and left her house. Practically shaking because she was so nervous, she made her way down to the outdoor skating rink, and just hoped he was against public humiliation.
Not that she wouldn’t deserve a good tongue lashing from him, but that would really be a bad end to an already bad day. It didn’t take her long to get there, and there was no sign of Hawk, so she rented skates and got ready to go out on the ice.
When she looked up and saw Hawk moving toward her, an odd sense of excitement began to build. This was going to go one way or the other, and from the look in his eyes she really didn’t know which way, but she decided to paste a smile on her lips and hope for the best.
“What are you doing here, Natalie?” Still no expression to give her the slightest hint of what he was thinking or feeling.
“I thought I’d go ice-skating,” she said, glad when her voice didn’t wobble, at least not too badly.
“Alone?”
“I was hoping to not be alone.” His eyes widened at that and then narrowed as he looked down at her.
“What game are you playing?”
“It’s not a game . . .” She trailed off, because if she was in his shoes she’d ask the same thing.
“Isn’t it better to be alone, than to hang around a man who isn’t good enough for you?” His voice was deadpan, his eyes cold, making her shiver even more than the icy coldness of the Montana weather.
“I was wrong to say that. It’s just that . . . well, it’s just that I mapped out a certain life for myself, and for the longest time I thought I had to stay with that plan. Then you came along, and I didn’t know what to think. Everything became chaotic, but I like it . . . sort of.”
His eyebrows rose at her fumbled explanation, and he didn’t help her out at all with letting her know what he was thinking. She shifted on the bench, wondering if he was going to make her beg. It sure looked as if he was.
“I wrote down goals, and I haven’t achieved hardly any of them,” she said.
“And I don’t fit into those goals?”
“It’s not that you don’t fit into them,” she began, when she decided to be honest. “No. I wanted to have a career established, a house. I don’t want to be like my mother. I want . . .” What did she even want anymore? She didn’t know.
“Ah . . .”
“That’s it? Ah? Really. I’m trying here. I swear I’m not playing with you. It’s not a game. I just . . . like being with you.” She felt her cheeks flush, but with the cold outside, he wouldn’t know that.
Silence greeted her statement and she was about to give up. This was hopeless. She’d insulted his pride, so why should he forgive her? Wouldn’t that make it all easier, anyway? She wouldn’t have this internal struggle because she’d have no choice but to stay away from him.
“I don’t think you’re acting,” he finally said. The two of them faced off for several moments before he shocked her by smiling. What did it mean?
“Um . . .” She wasn’t sure what she wanted to ask.
“Fine. You say you aren’t playing a game. I believe you. Argument over.” Then he sat down and took off his shoes and began putting on his ice skates.
“So . . . We’re okay?” She didn’t know how to define what the two of them had been before their little tiff, so she didn’t know what to ask him about them now.
“Yep. We’re now officially on our first date.”
“Just like that?”
“Yep. Why hold a grudge?”
Turning, he placed an arm behind her and gave her that simmering look that had made her fall for him in the first place. No grudge. No holding it over her head. This was something Natalie was in no way used to. When she’d been growing up, if she’d done something to upset her mother, she wouldn’t hear the end of it for months to come.
What if this was his idea of a joke? What if she made a complete fool of herself? What if she fell on her face, which was more than likely, considering she’d never been graceful—face it, she’d always been a real klutz.
There were plenty of what-ifs, but the bottom line was that she was here and their fight was over, and it was their first real date. She would breathe and she would get through it. So, taking her cue from him, she decided to act casual and pretend they hadn’t fought. If he could do it then so could she.
“I’m warning you now, Hawk, I’m not going to be graceful.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there to catch you when you slip.”
“Oh? When I slip?”
“Yeah, we both know it will happen. I think you enjoy falling into my arms. I know I certainly like it.”
Before she could stop herself, she blurted out her thoughts. “You have killer eyes. Seriously! Does anyone ever deny you anything you want?”
Hawk looked startled. Then he laughed. “I can honestly say that no one has asked me that before.” He leaned closer and whispered in her ear. “But, if I had known it was that easy . . .”
He didn’t have to finish that sentence to make her thighs press tighter together in a semisatisfying squeeze. This man was making her shiver and heating her up all at once, and Natalie had to confess she liked the wild sensations running through her body.
Natalie jumped up, needing to move, to displace the sudden energy burning through her. She had gone through a myriad of emotions over the last few days, and right now she felt joy. It just felt right when she was in Hawk’s presence. Smiling, she stood and made her way to the rink.
It didn’t take Hawk long to follow her, and soon, Natalie was laughing as Hawk lifted her into his arms and spun her around as he glided seamlessly in and out of the other couples on the ice. She was out of breath by the time he set her back on her wobbly feet.
“How in the heck did you get so good at ice-skating?” she gasped.
“I play ice hockey every year,” he said smugly.
“Mmm. Now, that’s something I have to see.”
After another hour on the ice, she was growing more confident, taking longer strides, and even spinning a few times with a few of her students who happened to be there. She wasn’t even cold anymore—in fact, with all the activity, she was a little warm. In Montana, of all places!
When she fell against the wall and then felt solid arms cage her in, she didn’t hesitate to turn around. She forgot all about the crowd when Hawk’s lips captured hers and she found herself lost in his embrace.