His tense expression returned as he paused and took a drink.
“What’s going on, West?”
“It’s Dad,” he said. “He’s been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.”
The news struck Julia dumb for a moment. She swallowed her wine and struggled to wrap her mind around the idea. Her ex-husband, the father of her children, the invincible General she’d both loved and hated for more years than she could count, never got sick.
He was too ornery to get sick.
But it was as she’d feared when she’d heard West’s voice earlier over the phone.
“Oh…” She set down her glass, put her hand over her mouth.
“It’s progressed faster than I thought it would. In a matter of months he’s gone from being forgetful to downright belligerent and disoriented.”
“Oh…”
Now she was repeating herself like an idiot. She needed to come up with something helpful to say, but she was shocked senseless.
“Mom, sit down.” West took her by the elbow, guiding her out of the kitchen and into the family room.
She lowered herself onto the couch, and he sat next to her.
“Do you need some water?”
“Alzheimer’s disease,” she murmured, the diagnosis sounding completely absurd to her ears still.
West went to the kitchen, filled a glass with tap water and brought it to her. She took a halfhearted sip and set the glass aside.
“I know it’s a shock. It’s taken me a while to accept it myself. And I really thought we’d have more time before he’d get so…bad.”
“Who’s caring for him?” Julia finally found the sense to ask.
“We’ve had home-health nurses coming in for the past few months, but he keeps chasing them off. That’s why I moved up my vacation time-so I could come here and try to get him some reliable care.”
“You’ve known about this since the summer and haven’t told me? Your brothers have known? No one’s said a word.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t ready to talk about it, and we all thought we had more time.”
“Oh, dear Lord, West. I’m so sorry, too. I never thought I’d live to see the day your father couldn’t take care of himself.”
There. She’d said something appropriate, something sympathetic, but it didn’t begin to reveal the torrent of feelings threatening to choke her right now.
From the kitchen a buzzer sounded, reminding her that the tri-tip roast was done. “Let me get that before it burns,” she said as she stood and headed for the other room.
“Need some help?”
“Sure, I think we could use the distraction. Can you chop some mushrooms?”
West rummaged in the fridge while she took the roast out of the oven, grateful for a chance to process the news about her ex-husband for a moment in private.
John.
Not her ex-husband. His name was John, and it was high time she let go of the past, wasn’t it?
She hadn’t ever been one to dwell there, but now she saw that John as he was at the time they divorced had become frozen in her mind. To her, he was still the same arrogant, forceful, infuriating man, the same age-ten years her senior-same appearance…
They didn’t see each other often. Promise, with a population over seven thousand, was just big enough to keep an ex-husband from underfoot. She might see him in passing once or twice a year, and the last time had been nearly a year ago at her oldest son’s house, when John had been arriving as she was leaving. He’d seemed normal then, strong and unyielding as ever.
Alzheimer’s disease…
The feelings finally caught in her throat, and she dropped the pot holder next to the roasting pan on the stove and excused herself to the bathroom.
Once inside the guest bath, she burst into silent, heaving tears.
This made no sense. She didn’t love John anymore, did she? She didn’t miss him-never had in all the years they’d been apart.
But she had, once upon a time, loved him enough to think they’d spend their whole lives together, right up until the end. She’d once believed their marriage vows with all her heart, and when she’d imagined their future, she had often pictured them growing old together, keeping each other company in their final years. She’d believed they would take care of each other in their old age.
Wasn’t that one of the reasons for marrying? Wasn’t it a benefit of all the trouble, heartache and compromise?
And here they were, in their so-called golden years, alone. Not taking care of each other at all, but instead, virtual strangers trying not to peer in the windows of each other’s lives.
This, unexpectedly, hurt like hell.
She had to pull herself together before West started wondering what was wrong. She dabbed her wet eyes with toilet paper, blew her nose, then looked in the mirror to see how wrecked she was. Blotchy skin, red nose, glassy eyes.
Good thing she kept a spare bag of makeup in here. She touched herself up then headed back to the kitchen to face her son.
She was being terribly selfish, worrying so much about her own feelings when her sons were the ones who would suffer the most. They were losing their father right before their eyes. West, the most sensitive of all the boys-though he’d die to have it pointed out-would be hit hardest of all. Had been hit hardest, whether he realized it yet or not.
She needed to be strong for him.
In the kitchen, he was standing in front of the stove, his head bent as he peered into a skillet. His profile had looked the same his entire life. Even when he’d first come out of her womb, she had a frozen image of his newborn baby head in profile, same as it was today. Strong brow and nose, wide, observant eyes staring out at the world…
“Hey, I hope you wanted these mushrooms sautéed,” West said when he looked over at her. “They’re almost done.”
“Oh, thank you.” She turned her attention to the salad.
“Hey, Mom?”
“Yes?”
“The stuff about Dad, it’s not the only big news I have.”
Julia’s stomach knotted. This was West, the one who tried so hard to please her and his father. It wasn’t like him to bring bad news.
“What is it?”
His expression wavered somewhere between grim and hopeful.
Oh, dear.
“Do you remember Soleil Freeman? The woman I was seeing in the summer?”
“Of course I know Soleil-she’s in my book group. She’s lovely.”
“She is, yeah. I’m glad you like her because she’s going to be a bigger part of our lives in the future.”
Oh?
“Well, that’s a good thing, I hope?”
West still looked grim. “I’m not sure if you know she’s pregnant.”
“She is?”
“Yes, five and a half months along.”
“I hadn’t heard. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t been to the book group lately.”
“Mom…” His face paled. “I’m the father of the baby.”
Julia almost didn’t comprehend what he was saying. She took the news as if he was telling her he was the prime minister of Neptune.
“But…how…”
No, that was ridiculous to say. Of course she knew how. She just didn’t know how her eminently responsible son could be saying these words to her now.
Then it struck her. This was life. Bad things happened to good people, and good things happened to good people, and this…This news-Soleil and West having a baby together-regardless of the how or why of it, was one of the good things.
Julia smiled, closed the distance between herself and her son and embraced him.
“Congratulations, West. I’m very happy for you-for all of us.”
West hugged her back stiffly, then pulled away to look into her eyes. “Really?”
“Of course I am. It’s a baby! What could be happier than that?”
He shook his head. “I’m still in shock. I don’t know how to feel.”
She took his hand in hers and gave it a few pats. “How long have you known about the baby?”
“I found out today.”