He shifted in his seat, aroused by his train of thought. Turning his attention back to the photos on the wall, he found instant relief.
Soleil pulled back the curtain to reveal an examining table with some complicated-looking equipment and a video screen next to it. She was wearing a hospital gown-pink, of course-and gave him a look that made it clear she didn’t need any cute comments about her attire.
The doctor knocked, then came in and introduced herself as Dr. Singh.
“This is West, the baby’s father,” Soleil said by way of introduction.
West smiled. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” the doctor said. She turned to Soleil. “Do you have any questions or concerns before we get started?”
“I’ve been getting eczema lately. Do you think that could be related to the pregnancy?” Soleil asked.
West was too nervous now to pay close attention to the answer. He watched Soleil, who was both familiar and foreign to him, and he wondered again about the strange twists of fate that had brought them here together today.
Deep down, something tugged at him. He recalled the laughter they’d shared last summer, the passion, the carefree way they’d come together for two short weeks-some of the best times of his life.
Did Soleil feel the same? If she did, she’d never admit it. She was more disturbed by their differences than he had been. She was the one with the temper he’d so enjoyed toying with. She took him seriously, which was both charming and a source of endless strife.
But he’d enjoyed their fights, too. He loved watching her tense for battle. When she was angry, her green eyes glowed as if a fire burned inside her, and she could hurl an insult like no one else he’d ever met. The freedom of saying exactly what they felt-no dancing around anyone’s feelings-was one of the most liberating sensations he’d ever experienced in a relationship.
Soleil, on the other hand, had merely found him infuriating.
Dr. Singh went through the motions of a routine exam, then she asked Soleil to lie back on the table. She squeezed a bunch of clear jelly on Soleil’s stomach and began poking around with an ultrasound wand.
“Come closer,” she said to West, “so you can see.”
He stood and went to Soleil’s side. Before he could brace himself for the shock, a blurry image appeared on the video screen. Dr. Singh pointed to one end of the blob.
“That’s your baby’s head…and there’s the heart, the spine, the arms, the feet…”
West’s mouth went dry, and everything he thought he knew and felt was suddenly turned upside down.
There was his baby.
There was their baby.
A wave of dizziness hit him, and he sat on the edge of the examining table to steady himself.
Their baby.
He could see the baby’s too-big head, and its delicate limbs curled up like a spring bud waiting to bloom. He could see the tiny spine, and the blip-blip of a heart pumping.
His own heart stopped for a beat.
He looked at Soleil, and she was smiling in a way he’d never seen her smile before. She glowed like a child on Christmas morning who’d gotten her heart’s desire.
This was not the Soleil he knew. This was a glimpse of someone new.
She caught his eye, and for a moment they were looking at each other instead of the baby. Then they both looked back at the video screen.
“Would you like to know the baby’s gender?” the doctor asked.
West and Soleil looked at each other again, and simultaneously they said, “Yes.”
“You’re going to have a little girl. Congratulations.”
The sheer joy that he’d seen a moment earlier in Soleil’s expression was replaced by something else entirely. Something like amazement.
He was sure it matched his own expression.
“Really?” West said. “A girl? You’re sure?”
“As sure as I can be,” the doctor said as she moved the ultrasound wand around on Soleil’s belly.
She was attempting to get a better image of the baby’s bottom half.
“Let’s see if I can get her to shift a bit, so we can make sure nothing’s hiding behind the umbilical cord.”
“It’s a girl,” Soleil said, sounding certain. “I’ve been thinking it was a girl since the moment I knew I was pregnant.”
The doctor smiled as she continued to watch the screen. “Never argue with a mother’s intuition.” She held the wand still. “See there?”
She was indicating an area of the screen that just looked like a bunch of blurry nothing to West.
“I think we can rest assured you’ll be having a little girl in a few more months. Would you like a picture of her?”
“Could you make a copy for each of us?” Soleil asked.
“Certainly.” Dr. Singh typed something on the computer keyboard. “You can pick up your prints from the nurse at the front desk.”
She used a mouse to measure the baby’s head circumference and length, then added, “And judging by the baby’s size, I’d say your due date of May 1 is right on.”
May 1.
He’d somehow neglected to ask Soleil about the exact due date.
May 1 was the day he’d hold his little girl for the first time. She would no longer be a possibility-she’d be an actuality, a real live person whose life he was responsible for.
Soleil caught his eye. Her gaze searched him for the answer to some question she hadn’t asked. Maybe she wanted to see how he felt.
How did he feel?
Overwhelmed, terrified, thrilled, overjoyed, sick to his stomach and as shaky as a drunk without his booze.
She must not have liked what she saw in his eyes, because her expression darkened, and she shifted her focus to the ultrasound screen, which was now blank.
Dr. Singh was wiping away the gel she’d put on Soleil’s belly with a cloth. “Everything looks to be progressing fine. Do you have any questions?”
Lots. Such as, how was he supposed to be a good father? And, why did babies have to happen by accident like this? And, how badly damaged would his daughter be if her mother and father couldn’t get along?
He shrugged and gave Soleil a questioning look.
“None for me,” she said. “When is the next ultrasound?”
“Unless something unusual comes up, we may not need to do another.”
“Okay. I was thinking for West, but-” she seemed to realize too late that she’d touched upon a controversial subject, and her voice faltered “-you’ll be gone again.”
She busied herself with sitting up and rearranging the gown, while West absorbed the truth. He would be gone. He’d be back in Colorado, or wherever his next assignment took him, and she’d be here. At least he presumed she planned to be here. And why wouldn’t she, when her life and everything she loved was wrapped up in the farm?
“Oh? Where do you live?” Dr. Singh asked, confused now.
“I’m in the air force, stationed in Colorado at the moment but waiting for my next assignment.” Which could take him anywhere, at any time, with little notice.
He caught the tightening of Soleil’s expression, and a deadweight settled on his chest. How had he been stupid enough to assume anything would be simple from this point forward?
A moment ago, he’d been imagining himself holding their newborn baby in his arms, when the reality was, he was far more likely to be thousands of miles away, cradling an assault rifle. He wouldn’t even be present at his child’s birth.
And it was no wonder Soleil was reluctant to depend on him for anything.
“So, you’re…” Dr. Singh said, trying to piece together the situation, “not planning to be together?”
“No,” Soleil said, her tone final.
West felt the word like a punch in the gut, although it shouldn’t have surprised him. It was exactly what he’d have expected her to say, wasn’t it?
“We’re still trying to work out how we’ll share parenting duties,” he said.