“How do you like living here?” West asked, ignoring the case of mistaken identity.
“In this shithole?” the man said. “When are you going to get me out of here?”
West wasn’t quite sure how to answer that one.
“You know,” the man continued. “They steal my stuff. My gold watch disappeared last week, and a couple of months ago my wedding ring vanished from my nightstand. How do you like that? First you take away my house, and my car, and you put me in this goddamn prison-”
“Mr. Doran,” a nurse said, approaching from the hallway. “Is there a problem?”
“This is my great-grandson,” he answered, introducing West.
“Actually, I’m not related to him. I’m afraid it’s a case of mistaken identity.”
“Oh? Are you my tour?”
West nodded. “West Morgan,” he said, standing and extending his hand to the nurse.
She shook his hand, looking puzzled. “Susan Lieberman. I’m the assistant director here. Didn’t you bring your father for the tour?”
“That would not go over well. He’s suffering from Alzheimer’s and is generally resistant to anything new.”
Susan nodded sympathetically. “Say no more. It can be difficult helping a resistant family member transition to a new living situation, especially when dementia is involved.”
A new living situation was about as euphemistic a way as she could have said it. Transitioning to life in prison without parole would have been more accurate.
Soleil, who’d disappeared into the restroom next to the reception desk, returned. She searched West’s gaze to see how he was doing, and he felt instantly comforted that she was there, looking out for him. It was kind of ridiculous how much one little look from her could bolster him.
“Shall we get started?” Susan said.
She and Soleil introduced themselves, but when it was time to follow Susan down the hallway, he couldn’t make his feet move. He looked over at the man next to him, Mr. Doran, the nurse had called him, and he tried to imagine his father sitting there instead.
No, he couldn’t.
He shook his head.
Soleil caught his eye, her expression growing more concerned. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly.
“I have to get out of here.”
She frowned and placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry,” she said to the nurse. “We’re going to have to come back another time.”
West didn’t hear what the woman said next because Soleil was escorting him out the door, into the cool air that thankfully smelled nothing like urine or cafeteria food.
She guided him to a bench, where he sat gratefully.
“You looked like you were about to pass out in there.”
“I-I can’t put my dad in that place.”
“Are you sure? It may not seem ideal, but trying to care for him on your own might be more difficult than you can imagine right now.”
“I’m sure.”
They sat in silence, staring across the empty lawn, as the people inside were probably staring at them.
“Thank you,” West finally said.
“For what?”
“For being here, for dragging me out of there, for keeping your head when I lost my cool.”
“That’s what friends are for,” she said.
Friends. Not lovers, but friends. Any other time, he might have taken offense and pouted at the distinction, but right now he understood that Soleil was a friend. If that’s what she wanted to call herself, it was fine by him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE DAY OF HIS MOTHER’S Christmas party, West was stuck alone with his dad all day. His two brothers had arrived in town, but they were busy visiting friends and had predictably bowed out of Dad Duty.
“Where’s Julia? Why isn’t she here? She’d know where the book is.”
His father glared at the bookshelf, intent on finding a title he couldn’t remember. He pulled a book down, grunted in frustration, then put it back. On and on this went, as West looked over the work file he’d brought along with him.
A folder containing a review he needed to write of one of his subordinate officers sat open on his lap. He hadn’t had time to get to it yet, it was due as soon as he got back, and he couldn’t force his brain to focus on it. Instead, he could only dwell on the fact that he wasn’t fit to write reviews of other officers, when his own personal life was so screwed.
Since when did officers go around having illegitimate babies to unwed mothers? Okay, sure, he sounded old-fashioned, like his father, but it was true. He didn’t know a single officer who’d experienced a situation like his. He was surrounded in his work life by married couples and families, and those who were single aspired to be like the ones who’d already paired off-or at least they purported to.
His father dropped a book, then muttered a curse as he bent to pick it up.
This study haunted West. He’d always thought of himself having such a place of his own someday, just like his dad. But now…This wasn’t anything like he’d imagined. Sitting here now, reality seemed to mock his small fantasies.
“Dad?” West said.
No answer.
“I’m going to be having a baby soon.”
Assured his father wasn’t really listening, and oddly comforted by the act of talking to no one in particular, he continued, telling him all about Soleil’s pregnancy again, since he surely didn’t remember hearing about it the first time around.
“She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known,” he said. “And she doesn’t want to move to Colorado. She wants to stay here, and I can’t. I’m going back to Colorado Springs after the holidays, and I guess I’ll be one of those long-distance dads who only sees his kids on holidays.
“It won’t be so different from being deployed, like you were a lot-”
“Don’t be a fool.”
West was startled out of his daze. He looked over at his dad, who was staring at him with a look of utter disgust on his face. His eyes had lost the air of confusion that seemed to be there lately, replaced by the old fierceness.
“What?”
“You heard me. I said don’t be a fool. You think your career is going to keep you warm at night? You think your career is going to take care of you when you get old? Look at me and your mother. Where would I be today if it wasn’t for that woman? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and there’s not a day that passes by that I don’t know it’s true.”
West blinked in confusion. Then his brain caught up to his father’s time warp. He might have been more coherent than usual, but he was still convinced he and Julia had never gotten divorced, apparently.
West hadn’t ever felt sad about his parents’ divorce. He’d been old enough when it happened to see that it was the best thing for his mom, and that his father had had it coming. But now…now he felt the loss of what his father thought he still had.
“If there’s a good woman about to have your baby, and she won’t come to you, you’d better come to her, you damn fool. Do whatever you have to do. Get down on your knees and beg if you have to, but don’t pass up the chance to have a wife and a family. It’s all that matters.”
His father shook his head and shuffled out of the room, done with the conversation apparently, leaving West to contemplate yet another way he’d managed to disappoint his father.
Only this time, it was particularly ironic, because here he was, putting the military first, the way his father had always done. He’d learned well from the old man.
He’d learned everything he knew about how to be a man from him, and he was well on his way to making all the mistakes his father had made.
God, it was true. He’d become his father, in spite of everything. Here he was feeling as if he’d been the rebellious child, the disappointing one, and he’d been completely blinded to the fact that he was doing everything he could to fill his father’s shoes.