Georgia didn’t even blush. She just gave Seth the sweetest smile. Logan hoped her backside hurt. She was going to get another spanking. Little brat. Damn, why did he go so fucking crazy for her every time she trumped him? She was a righteous bitch, and everything that was male inside of him responded to her. It was right there, the deep desire to walk up to her and put his stamp on her in front of his mommas. But he couldn’t.
“Ma, it’s not some great romance. It’s a training relationship. I told you what I was doing in Dallas. I’m just doing it here now.” He said it with as little emotion as he could. The last thing he needed was a fight with his mommas.
“Training?” his ma started.
Teeny put a hand on Momma Marie’s arm. “Let it be for now, Marie. He’s home. He’s safe here with Seth.”
His ma backed down, but those eyes narrowed again. “All right, but I don’t like the idea of him training girls, and Seth doesn’t look like he needs any training at all. What is wrong with those jeans, Seth? You’re about to fall out of them. Can’t you afford jeans that properly fit?”
Thank god. She was off and complaining about Seth’s jeans and the fact that he looked like a douchebag male model. Georgia passed him a mug of coffee. “Well played. Do you have another uniform or should I see if I can get the stain out of this one?”
It was too sweet, too domestic, the idea of Georgia washing his clothes after she’d just made him coffee. He took the mug because he couldn’t turn her down again. Not after yesterday, but he wasn’t about to let her think she had to take care of him. “No. I’ve got five sets. I’ll wash this one later. Thanks.”
He practically ran down the hall to the room he’d been bunking in. He shut the door behind him and thought seriously about getting in his truck and heading out. Maybe if he went somewhere no one knew him, had no expectations of him, maybe he could find some peace. Maybe he could forget.
But his feet moved to the closet, and before he knew it, he was dressed again and ready to start a rousing day of dealing with tourists, talking down the crazies, and keeping threesomes off of Nate’s new chair.
He picked up his hat and looked into the mirror. Sometimes he didn’t recognize the face that looked back at him. He was older and harder.
His mother had looked so frail. He’d been her boy for so many years, her only child, and he’d walked away and barely said a word to her for a year. How much of the new gray in her hair was his fault? How many of the lines around her mouth were from frowning over his fate?
How much more would he disappoint her?
He couldn’t walk back into that little cabin he’d lived in all his life. That cabin had been full of love. Even when they’d struggled, he always knew his parents loved each other. They’d stood by each other, hands entwined. They’d tried to raise him so right.
What was so flawed in him that he’d failed that day?
“I like the blonde. She’s got spirit.” Momma Marie stood in the doorway looking in, her stern face frowning. He didn’t take that to heart. She always frowned, even when she was happy.
“I think Seth is going to be real happy with her.”
She shook her head. “Don’t try to fool me, son. And don’t even try to pass that tattoo off as a tribute to your last name. You know damn well the only reason I didn’t adopt you was for fear of your dad’s parents possibly using the fact that your momma was with me to take you away.”
Logan shrugged. “Maybe I’m more like him than you guys ever thought.”
He said it like it didn’t matter, like it was just a throwaway line to annoy his mother, but it was his secret fear. From all accounts, his father had been a brutal man. He’d taken out his anger on the sweetest woman to walk the earth, and it had only been Marie Warner’s stalwart love that had saved Logan from being raised by a killer.
Momma was suddenly in his space. Though she was four inches shorter than he was, she got right up on him, her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. “Don’t you ever say that. What the hell is wrong with you? Your father was a cold, calculating man. He couldn’t even love your mother. If you can’t love that woman, you can’t love anything in the world. I need you to start talking, son, because I get the feeling that if you don’t, I’m going to lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He’d thought about it. He’d thought about it a whole lot that night at Hell on Wheels.
“But you’re not here, either.” Marie took a long breath and looked closer to crying than he’d ever seen her. “Logan, I don’t talk about myself much. I don’t see the point in it. But I need to talk to you about this now because I have to know that you’re going to be okay.”
He stopped breathing for a moment. His momma never talked like this. Never. “What’s happened?”
“I had some tests run. Damn Doc insisted on it and Teeny finally made me go in. I haven’t told her this because I don’t want to worry her. My heart is failing. Doc says if I don’t change my ways, I’ll have a heart attack in a year or two. If you weren’t in trouble, I wouldn’t mention it, but I need to know you’ll be here for Teeny when I go.”
Momma Marie? No. She was stronger than anything. She couldn’t have a weak heart. She couldn’t. It was always so strong, so damn steady. Panic threatened to set in. He couldn’t imagine a world where Marie Warner didn’t stand tall and proud. It shook the very foundation he depended on. “You need to do what Doc tells you. What did he say? Did he give you guidelines? You have to tell Ma.”
If she needed to change her diet, then that was what would happen. She did tend to treat a pound of bacon like an appetizer.
Her chin firmed stubbornly. “I am not telling your ma. And yes, Doc gave me all kinds of things I can’t do anymore. If I follow his advice, I’ll end up eating Nell’s cooking from now on. I don’t think this old dog can learn any new tricks.”
She wasn’t taking this seriously at all. “You damn well can and Ma will help you. We all need to sit down with Doc and talk about this. You have to change. We need you.”
She shrugged a little. “Well, we need you, too, but you don’t seem ready to try to change, son.”
Oh, he was surrounded by devious women. “Momma, you can’t put that on me. And I am changing. I have a steady job and I haven’t beaten the shit out of anyone in months. I’m trying.”
“No, you’re not. You’re biding your time. I might have a weak heart, but my eyes work just fine. You’re in love with that girl and you’re going to let Seth walk off with her. Do you think I don’t know that you and Seth always planned to find a girl and settle down? You’ve practically got her name tattooed over your heart, Logan. But you say you’re just ‘training’ her? The way I figure it, it’s all the same really. It’s hard to do the work it takes to fix what’s gone wrong. You’re so young and strong. I’m not. If you can’t do it, there’s no damn hope for someone like me. That’s how I see it.”
His stomach flipped over. She was putting him in a horrible position. She was shoving him in a corner, but he wasn’t going to be the only one hurt if he didn’t come out of it. “You can’t do this. This is blackmail. You can’t put your whole damn life on the line.”
“For my son? Oh, for my son I can do anything. You don’t have a drop of my blood in you, Logan. But I put my soul in you. You think I won’t fight? I’ll fight and I’ll die if I have to, but I won’t leave you to this. I won’t. I don’t show it the way Teeny does, but I love you. You’re the best thing I ever did, and I’ll bet everything on you.” She patted his arm and took a step back. “I’m going to get to know your girl. I think we’ll have a lot in common. Both of us are waiting for you to wake up and realize that this life means more than what happened to you. What we gave you, the life we made for you…it means more, Logan. I have to believe that a lifetime of love means more than three hours of pain. I have to.” His momma took a step back, her face set in stubborn lines. “I think you need to stay here at home. You’ve done all the work you can there. I think you need to find a way to forgive Alexei Markov. You can’t move on until you do.”