The look on Markov’s face told the tale. He was resolute. “And I say this, too. And if shoe was tied to your foot, I would expect the same from you. It is contract between men. We take the pain so the women can live. Can you honestly say that you would not place me in same situation were roles turned around? If it had been your mother?”
If it had been Georgia…
Georgia had been taken from him once, and that was before he’d known what it was like to hold her and love her. He’d been willing to do damn near anything to get her back then. He’d felt utterly powerless those hours he’d spent waiting for her brothers to figure out where she’d been taken. If he could have almost guaranteed her survival, what would he have been willing to give up?
Maybe it really was time to have this out with Markov. Leo had wanted him to have this conversation months ago, but Logan had told him he was cool. He’d lied to Leo saying Alexei didn’t bother him anymore. He wasn’t fucking cool. “You knew what would happen to me. You knew I didn’t have the information they wanted.”
A deep sympathy came over Markov’s face. “I did. I knew how much pain you be forcing to take. I am sorry. Words are harder when they are important. You understand?”
He was struggling with his English. Over the months he’d been here, he’d actually gotten much better, but now Alexei sounded like he’d just gotten off the plane today. “You knew they would kill me.”
His pitch-black hair shook. “No. I knew they would if I could not find way out of situation. This is something I know. But I also know that Luka like to play. He is sadist. He take his time.”
“You asked me to trust you.” He could still hear those words right before he’d been kicked in the gut and dragged away. Alexei Markov had sold him to his Russian mob cohorts to buy time to save his own ass.
Except Alexei could easily have just saved himself by giving them all up. The mob boss had come for a painting, and Holly had known where it was. Then Jen had shown up and it had all gone to hell, and the only thing that kept those women from being raped and killed was the fact that they had been too busy brutalizing one Logan Green.
“I know. And I think you will not trust anyone again. I think this break you, but I want to tell you that you do not have to stay broken, Logan. You can to be putting pieces back together. They may not fit as perfectly as once they did, but they can fit. I think I am broken when I lose my brother.”
“The one that fucker Pushkin killed?” He knew a little of Alexei’s story. He hadn’t been able to avoid it. His brother had been killed by the same mobster who ordered Logan’s torture.
“Yes. Pushkin kill Mikhail because he will not pay securities and he tries to talk to others, to band them against the bosses. He was brave man, my brother. I was not so brave. I was angry. You are angry, too, Logan. I would hate to be seeing you lose all those years like I did.”
“We’re nothing alike.” He didn’t have anything in common with Alexei.
Alexei shook his head. “We both go through pain. We both chose wrong path. We are very much alike.”
“I haven’t chosen the same path as you, asshole,” Logan shot back. “I’m not some criminal.”
Alexei’s voice went low. “Tell me you don’t think about killing? Tell me you don’t think about blood and how good it would feel on your hands. You think about killing me because I am one left behind. I am one you can focus on. Tell me how you would to kill me.”
How many times had he thought about it? At first it had been Luka’s face he’d seen in bloody revenge fantasies, but when Alexei had returned to Bliss and started his happy life, Logan had switched to dreams of him. It had been all right when it was likely that Alexei would go to prison. He could handle it. There was some punishment involved, but then he walked right back into town like a conquering hero. Yeah, Logan had thought about killing him more than once. “I would gut you. I would make you feel everything I felt and then some. I would love the look on your face when you realized what I was going to do to your…” Fuck. He wasn’t talking about that.
Alexei’s voice went soft, like he was trying not to spook an easily scared animal away. “I know all of Luka’s tricks. I worry he do these things to you. Are you…how to ask? Caleb will not talk about it. He say it is privacy issue. He will not tell me even when I beg to know because guilt eats at me. Are you still whole?”
Logan shot up, his whole body stiff with rage. He never talked about it. Never. Not even to Leo. Not to his moms. Only Caleb had to know because he’d been the one to deal with the aftermath. “You want to see it? You want to see if he cut my fucking cock off? Because he tried. He was going to do it. You fucking knew he would do it, didn’t you? Guess what? Caleb is damn good at his job. I can still fuck all I like.”
After he’d recovered and the swelling had gone down, that was exactly what he’d done. He’d fucked any woman who would let him climb on top of her. He’d done it to prove he was still a damn man. But the ability to screw a chick, he’d learned, didn’t take away the pain.
Alexei held his hands up. “I am sorry. I am so glad to be hearing this. It is thing Luka did before he killed a man. I think he believe it made him strong. I knew it would take a while. And when Luka goes to kill you, this is when I take the chance and follow him in.”
“Stef killed the bastard. Not you.” Stef Talbot had snuck into the office through the outside window. He’d lain in wait and when the time was right, he’d taken Logan’s tormenter out.
But Markov had been there, too. Just as he’d heard the shot from Stef’s pistol, he’d seen Markov bring his gun to the back of Luka’s head. Stef was just a little bit faster.
Would he have sent Seth in? If the situation was the same and someone had to distract them, what would he have done? Would he have asked Seth to take that pain, to risk the loss of all that he was to save Georgia? To save his moms?
Logan slumped down, so weary he could barely breathe because he knew the answer.
Yes. He would send his best friend in knowing what could happen. He would do it because they did have a covenant between them that went far past the damn sterile contract on his desk. There was a promise, never spoken but always alive. A promise to put her first, to protect the people they loved. To kill or die so their family could go on. To build a future.
God, he was so angry with Seth for leaving him behind. He had thought it was all about the incident, but now he realized he was so pissed that Seth hadn’t been there. He was angry with Alexei for using him even when he knew he would do the same thing. He was angry with the world for changing so suddenly, for being safe one minute and deadly the next.
But most of all he was so damn tired of being angry.
Alexei stood in front of him, his face tight, a sheen of tears there. “Logan, from bottom of heart, I wish you well. You cannot forgive, but I am here to tell that this forgiveness I ask for is better for you. I am not asking for self. I know what it is to walk the world with bitter heart, but I came here and it make me realize that I was the problem. Me. The past is something that cannot to be changed, but self, this you control. And the past was not bad, not all. Just hours. Just days. I betray my brother by seeking revenge. I honor him by living life. I honor him by hoping for son to teach as he teach me.”
He could still have kids. He could still make love. He could still have a life. Everything that had been wronged physically had been placed to rights. His body had healed. He’d followed every bit of advice Caleb had given him, trained and made himself stronger. He’d worked his ass off to make sure he wasn’t a gangly little wimp anymore.
But Caleb hadn’t been the only doctor to treat him.