“I knew the second I left. The second I closed the door. I’ve spent the past few days thinking and thinking and going over and over everything. I’m not the kind of man who changes his mind, Saige. I’m old and slow to learn.” He chuckles a little, but I don’t find it funny.
“You expect me to believe you had some sort of epiphany and now you’re just going to let go of everything? I don’t believe you,” I say. I can’t figure out what his angle is, other than getting me back into his life and putting himself back in my good graces.
“It’s not easy to admit my daughter is smarter than I am. That she’s right. I’ve made all my decisions without input from someone else. I weighed the good and the bad and acted accordingly. Everything was black and white. It wasn’t easy, but it was clear. I’ve lived my whole life this way and no one has challenged me. Not the people I hire, not my wife, no one. She used to challenge me. Marina.” The way he says her name is like a prayer. Her name is holy coming from his mouth.
“I know my path would have been different if she had lived.” So would my path, as a result. So would Sylas’ and Lizzy’s. So many lives affected by one death. Links in a chain.
“I can’t think about ‘what ifs’. It won’t change the path I’ve taken. But I can change now. Change where I’m going. I’m not going to stop my work. I can’t. I’ve come too far. But I am going to change the way I do things. No more secrets. No more blackmailing and torture and deals made in dark rooms. It doesn’t serve the greater good like I thought it did. You made me see that. You made me examine my life and how far I’ve come. I don’t like the man I am right now, Saige. I don’t like him.”
My father is a good liar, but I know the exact tone of his voice when he’s telling the truth. These words are all true. He’s being honest with me. Maybe more honest than ever.
“How can I believe you? What assurance do I have that you’re not going to go back on this?” He’s silent for a few moments and then he holds his hands out in front of himself.
“Only my assurance. Only my word. I know it’s not worth much, but I love you and I’m making a promise to you, my daughter, and this isn’t the kind of promise I break.” He’s got me there. Every time he promised me something when I was a kid, whether it was that he’d be there for my piano recital, or that if I snuck out he would ground me, he followed through. That’s one of the reasons I always trusted him, believed what he said. Because my father never lied to me.
But Grayson Beaumont isn’t just my father. He’s a lot of other people and those people don’t owe me promises.
“I need to think about it,” I say. He clasps his hands together, almost as if he’s praying.
“That’s fair. I need you to know I’m doing this for you, and I love you. I want things to be like they were between us.” They can never be that way again. He broke my trust and now we have to repair it.
My relationship with Sylas has been the same way. We both broke the other one’s trust and we’re still working on getting to a place of security again.
He reaches out and I let him take my hands.
“I promise you, Saige Juliette.” After giving my hands a squeeze, he turns around and leaves. I hear him run into Sylas and Lizzy in the hallway. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but a few minutes later Sylas and Lizzy come back. Lizzy’s mouth is red and there’s also a spot on her shirt. She’s holding something out to me.
“I brought you a popsicle,” she says. I blink a few times and it takes me a second to process her words. I look down at the object and take it from her. It’s cold.
“She wanted to bring you one,” Sylas says in explanation.
“Thank you,” I say, removing the wrapper from the half-melted popsicle. It’s red, the same flavor Lizzy had. I lick it and it makes my teeth hurt. Lizzy hops back on the bed and Sylas gets a movie going for her before jerking his head in direction of the bathroom. I follow him, the popsicle dripping onto my hand and running down my arm.
Sylas closes the door of the bathroom behind us.
“How did it go?” he asks as I toss the popsicle in the sink. I’ll clean up the evidence that I didn’t eat it so Lizzy doesn’t know.
“I’m sure you already know because you talked to him,” I say, fixing him with a level stare. He doesn’t even try to deny it.
“Yes, I did talk to him. He called me and said he wanted to work things out. That we could put the past behind us and move forward. He said he wanted to have a good relationship with me, with you and eventually with Lizzy. He claimed he was just desperate to get to know her and scared of losing her.” His voice is level and even, showing no emotion, no indication of how he feels.
“And you believe him?” I ask. A sigh comes from his mouth and he pulls me into a hug, as if he needs to anchor himself to something. Me.
“I don’t know, Saige.”
He starts rocking me back and forth and I find comfort in him. In the way he holds me. In the way his body molds to mine. In the way our breath matches.
“I don’t know either. I want to believe him. He promised. He’s never broken a promise to me that he made as my father. Ever.” I hear Lizzy cackling in the next room. I almost envy her. She doesn’t have to worry about any of this.
We’re interrupted by a knock at the door.
“What are you doing in there?” Lizzy whines. Sylas and I freeze, as if we’ve been caught doing something wrong. It breaks the tension of the moment and we both laugh softly.
“We’ll be right out, Lizzy,” Sylas says, letting go of me.
“What now?” I ask. He shrugs and opens the door.
“We keep moving forward. No going back now.”
He has a point. There is no going back. I don’t completely trust any of this, but there’s not a whole lot I can do except stay on my toes and keep my eyes open. At least I have Sylas to help me. We’re completely on the same page now.
We watch some more movies with Lizzy and then it’s time for her to go to dinner and time for Sylas and me to leave. I expect Dad to call me and reiterate everything, but he doesn’t. He’s leaving me alone to think everything over. I’m not even going to start that process until tomorrow.
“Do you mind if we stop at my place and get some stuff? I don’t know why I’ve been hesitant to completely move all of my things to your place,” he says.
“It’s partially my fault,” I say, rolling down the window. It’s hot today. Summer is definitely here now. I’ve got a few weeks off before I start my summer classes. In past years I’d spend that time going to the beach, shopping with Lo and generally frittering my time away.
This year I have Sylas and I’m looking forward to entire days spent in bed with not a stitch of clothing on either of us.
“I should have asked,” he says. We’re both to blame for not talking about moving in.
When we get to his place, he asks me if I’ll come up and help him. I agree and we walk into his place. It always shocks me when I come here because it’s not the place I thought he would live.
“I’ll be right back,” he says, going to the bedroom. I stand awkwardly in the shabby kitchen. This apartment looks abandoned. There are no knickknacks left out, no boxes of cereal, no coffee cups in the sink. It’s an anonymous place. Depressing, if I’m being honest. I walk into the living room and look at the coffee table. Yes, it’s definitely been in a fire. I rub my hand along one corner and my skin comes back stained with black dust.
“What are you doing?” Sylas says and I whirl around so fast, I smash my hip into the couch.
“Nothing,” I say. “I was just looking at your coffee table. If you want, we can bring it to my place. I have another spot I can put the one I have,” I say. He’s giving me a strange look as he holds a few photo albums in his hands.
“What?” I ask.
He jumps a little and shakes his head.