But then Michael smiled, and she felt her poise waver. “God, that’s so good to hear,” he said. “We just moved to the area, so I’m hoping she’ll be able to open up and make some friends here.” He took his hands out of his pockets and leaned on the counter.
His proximity caught her off guard, and her stomach flipped as she instantly straightened, dropping her eyes to where his hands rested in front of her. Immediately he curled them in before gently sliding them out of view.
“Sorry,” he said awkwardly. “I just came from work.”
It took Lauren a second to realize he thought she was taken aback because his hands were dirty.
“No, no, I wasn’t—” but she stopped short, because what could she say? I wasn’t looking at your hands because they were dirty; I was just trying to look anywhere but your face?
“I work as a tin knocker,” he said, shoving his hands back in his pockets. “I can’t ever get them clean.”
She had to get out of there.
“Well, Erin was great today,” she said, tossing her bag over her shoulder and taking a step toward the door. “I’ll keep you updated on her progress.”
“Oh…okay,” he said, stepping to the side to let her pass. “Um, okay, great. Thanks.”
“Yep. Have a good afternoon,” she said with a smile, rushing past him and out the door.
By the time she got to her car, her hands were shaking so badly that she struggled with starting it.
Her plan was to keep it about Erin, to speak to him like he was just another parent, but as he continued talking to her, she could feel the questions forming on the tip of her tongue. What’s a tin knocker? Do you like your job? Where have you been for the past eight years?
None of that was about Erin.
And so she ran. She would not allow herself to speak to him on a personal level.
But as she pulled out of the parking lot, she couldn’t help but ask herself if she was overreacting. Shouldn’t it be okay to want to hear about someone who had once been important to her? After all, they had been inseparable throughout most of high school, albeit the most unlikely pair: the school badass and Little Miss Straight-laced, best friends. It was true things hadn’t ended well, but that was years ago. It would be harmless to catch up with an old friend.
No. She had to remember who she was talking about.
Nothing about Michael Delaney was harmless. She had learned
“You get selective amnesia when it comes to Del,” she could hear Jenn say.
But not this time.
It had been different in high school. She was a kid. But she was a grown woman now, and she knew better. Lauren realized it was quite possible that he had changed too, just as she had, that he would no longer make the same mistakes he did back then.
But she knew she would never risk herself long enough to find out.
As Michael Delaney tucked his daughter into bed, his mind was a million miles away.
“Good night, baby girl,” he said against her forehead before he kissed her there, and she reached up and hugged him around the neck the way she always did.
“Daddy?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you sad tonight?”
She was so observant. He should have expected her to pick up on his behavior.
He pulled back and sat on the side of her bed. “No, I’m not sad,” he said, brushing her hair out of her eyes and pulling her blanket up a bit higher. “I’m just tired.”
“Me too,” she said.
“Well then, we both better get some sleep,” he said, standing from her bed.
“Okay. Connor asked me to color with him today and I said yes.”
Michael stopped on the way out of her room, trying to remember that they were only three.
He turned in her doorway. “You know,” he said, “if Connor wants to take you out on a date, he has to ask me first.”
“Daddy,” she said, rolling her eyes. “We’re too little.”
Michael grinned. “Sorry,” he said, blowing her a kiss. “Night.”
“Good night,” she murmured, rolling over and pulling her stuffed cat against her.
He stood in her doorway for a minute, watching the rise and fall of her chest under the covers before he gently closed her door.
And then he went and sat at the kitchen table, clasping his hands in front of his mouth as he stared blankly off into space.
Lauren. He couldn’t stop thinking of her.
She had always been pretty, but now there was a maturity, a confidence, a womanly quality to her that made her that much more beautiful.
She still had that dark red hair, those impossibly long eyelashes, and those eyes. Forest green. But they could turn dark with protectiveness, or desire.
Or pain.
He had caused all three in her.
Michael sat back in his chair as he ran his hand through his hair and exhaled, wondering if she’d forgiven him. It would be typical of her if she had.
But he didn’t even know if he wanted her forgiveness.
She had been civil today, but not amiable.
Professional.
That openness, that innocence, the unfailing and unconditional acceptance she had always shown him, despite what he was, was gone.
She was the only one who had ever given him that, and he’d destroyed it. Consciously.
Michael closed his eyes as he dragged his hands down his face, because as much as he longed to have that back, even for a minute, he hoped she hadn. What would happen if he called and "> shoulder’t forgiven him.
He didn’t deserve it.
.
December 2000
Del stood up against the lockers in the East Building, waiting for his friend Jay so they could cut fifth period and go down to the deli to grab something to eat.
The other students skirted past him, giving him a wide berth, and he watched them, the way they chattered mindlessly, the way some of the girls flirted pathetically, the way a few of them eyed him like they didn’t know if they should acknowledge him or run.
And then she walked past, glancing over at him and smiling softly before she stopped at her locker a few feet ahead.
She had been doing that for a while now. Ever since he had defended her against that arrogant asshole in Health class a few weeks ago, anytime she saw him or passed him, she would smile.
Once, when she had been entering the building as he was leaving, he held the door for her, and her shoulder brushed his chest as she smiled up at him and thanked him.
And now she was at her locker, balancing her books in one arm as she worked the combination of her lock, blowing her breath out the side of her mouth every few seconds to get the veil of hair out of her eyes. He couldn’t stop watching her.
She wasn’t like any of the other girls.
It wasn’t just because of the sweet way she acknowledged him. It was more than that. She didn’t carry herself like a freshman. Or a teenager at all, for that matter. She dressed trendy, but managed to do it with class, while other girls wore things that were tight and low-cut and made them look trashy instead of sexy. She seemed sophisticated, but not arrogant. She was quiet, but not withdrawn. He could tell she watched everything; she took it all in, assessing everyone and everything around her.
And because of that, she shouldn’t have been smiling at him the way she did. She should have been afraid of him.
Even that Jenn girl who was always with her gave him an uneasy look whenever he’d pass, or she would whisper vehemently in Lauren’s ear in either disgust or horror when Lauren would acknowledge him.
Yet she still continued to do it.
Lauren opened her locker, jumping back suddenly as a book tumbled out, and as she struggled to catch it, the other books she was holding scattered to the floor.
Without thinking, he pushed off the lockers and walked toward her. She was crouched on the floor gathering her things, and he knelt down beside her, reaching out to grab the last of the books.