“Thanks,” he mumbles, giving me a quick, grateful glance, but then he keeps his eyes trained on the backpack resting on his knees as if he’s afraid to let the mask slip.
“How’s it going?” I ask, and then curse myself for asking because it’s a seriously stupid question.
“Oh, everything’s just swell,” he says, dripping sarcasm. “Someone posted our phone number online at two o’clock in the morning, and it started ringing off the hook with people leaving obscene messages and death threats for Mom and Bree. Dad finally ripped all the plugs out of the wall.”
As mad as I am at Bree and Mrs. Connors, as much as I want them punished for what they did to Lara, death threats are pretty extreme. Especially when Liam didn’t do anything wrong.
“That’s horrible,” I say. “Are you … you know … scared?”
Liam shrugs. “I don’t know. The policeman who came by at four this morning said the obvious thing to do is change our phone number and just be vigilant. They’ll investigate to see if any of them are really credible, but even if they can arrest someone, they can’t protect us twenty-four seven.”
He gives me a sideways look and, despite everything, manages a weak smile. “You’re not planning on bumping me off, are you, Syd?”
That he can still joke with me, while crazy people are threatening to kill his mom and his sister, tugs at my heart. He’s my friend, no matter what’s happening in the world around us. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
“Not this week,” I say. “But I’ll have to check my assassination schedule for next week.”
And then I get a real Liam smile, one that goes all the way to his eyes. “I’ll watch my back, then.”
I don’t want to take away his smile, but I have to ask. “How’s Bree doing?”
The light disappears immediately, and he starts picking at a loose thread on his backpack strap. “She’s a disaster. Especially after what happened with her cell yesterday.”
“What’s that?”
“Someone hacked it and changed her outgoing message, asking people to leave her death threats, then posted the number online. When she turned it on after second period, there were already seventy messages. She got totally hysterical and Dad had to go to school and pick her up.” He pulls hard at the loose thread and rips it. “They were seriously nasty — at least the few I was allowed to listen to.”
I can’t help myself. “Worse than the stuff that people wrote on Lara’s Facebook wall?”
Liam stiffens. “At least people weren’t threatening to kill her.”
I know he’s her sister, but it’s like he’s forgotten that Bree’s the one who started it all. If it weren’t for her, none of us would be living through this nightmare. Dad wouldn’t have a citation for disorderly conduct, Mom’s reelection campaign wouldn’t be on the rocks, Lara would be cheering at football games and getting on with her life instead of being such a mess, and I’d have had the chance to audition for the eighth-grade musical and maybe have gotten a lead instead of just being on crew and once again being reduced to playing a bit part in my sister’s drama.
If his life sucks right now, well, so does mine. And so does Lara’s. And Mom’s. And Dad’s.
“Maybe not, but people — no, not people, Bree — basically told Lara to kill herself,” I tell him. My voice cracks, as I try to hold back angry tears. “And she tried to do it.”
Liam stares at me, his green eyes dark and wounded. What does he expect? That I should feel sorry for Bree?
I feel bad for him, because he’s caught up in this just the way I am, but Bree’s different. She brought this on herself the moment she created that fake profile and started messing with my sister’s head.
“She’s my sister, Syd.”
I look away from him, out the window, the scenery blurred as the first tear trails down my cheek. “Well, Lara is mine.”
We don’t speak to each other the rest of the way to school.
Maddie and Cara are talking about Beauty and the Beast at lunch, because that’s mostly what they talk about these days. Cara ended up getting the part of Belle. I’m really happy for her, but whenever they talk about the musical — I can’t help feeling left out, even though I’m doing crew. It’s just not the same.
I also can’t help wondering what would have happened if Lara hadn’t tried to kill herself. If I hadn’t been stuck at the hospital. If I’d been able to go to auditions instead of being caught up in Lara’s drama.
Maybe it could have been me. It’s not like I’m mad at Cara — if anyone other than me had to get the lead, I’m glad it was her.
But the thing is … I wanted the role sooooo badly. Even if I didn’t get the part, at least I wanted the opportunity to try out. All that practicing for weeks leading up to auditions. And because of Lara — no, because of Bree — I didn’t even get that chance.
It makes me mad at Bree all over again. And at Liam. Is he crazy? How can he expect me to feel sorry for Bree? I mean, it’s not like I want people to make death threats. That’s going totally overboard. But she deserves something bad to happen to her because of what she did. She shouldn’t just get to keep on going on with her life like nothing ever happened. Because we don’t have that option. Not Lara. Not me. Not anyone in my family. Especially now.
“Ohmigosh, did you see the latest about Bree and her mom on the news?” Maddie says between bites of carrot.
Jeez, Maddie, didn’t anyone ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full?
“You mean Monster Mom?” Cara giggles. “Wouldn’t that be a great new reality series?”
“Yeah, sure,” I say. “If it weren’t actually my life at the moment.”
The smiles fade from my friends’ faces.
“I’m sooooo sorry, Syd — I … just spaced,” Cara says. “I’m not used to stuff on the news having anything to do with people I actually know. You know … real people.”
“Trust me, this is all too real. For my family and the Connorses,” I say.
They both gape at me.
“Wait — are you sticking up for Breanna Connors after what she did to Lara?” Maddie asks. “Because that’s messed up.”
“Totally messed up,” Cara agrees.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been confused every minute of every single day since we found Lara unconscious in the bathroom. I alternate between being confused and mad. Mad at everyone and everything. Mad about why everything in our family always revolves around Lara. Confused about why life is so freaking unfair all the time. Wondering why people have to be jerks instead of being nice to one another.
“No … I’m not sticking up for her … exactly. It’s just … I don’t know.”
How do I explain that as much as I hate Bree and Mrs. Connors for what they did, the person who probably understands what I’m going through the most is Liam? Or at least was Liam. They wouldn’t understand. I don’t think anyone would. It’s hard enough to accept it myself right now.
“Never mind. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.” I get up and clear my stuff.
“I’m sorry if I upset you, Syd,” Cara says. “Really, I am.”
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “Things are just … you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” she says.
But the thing is, Cara doesn’t know. Neither does Maddie. Neither of them have the faintest idea what it’s like. How can they?
The only person who really understands is the brother of the one who started all this. And now that I’m mad at him, I feel absolutely and totally alone.