I had two options. Ignore it and lay down until it went away…or I could take a chance and find Shay.
I was tempted to ask what she thought. I needed to explain this shit to her anyway.
She deserved to know that my military leave wasn’t as temporary as I let her believe.
Except that would piss her off. I’d replace the headache with her foot up my ass as she kicked me from the house.
Lay down and suffer alone or suffer in the arms of a beautiful woman?
Well, one of us had to make the first move after our night. I tugged on a pair of pants and searched for her in the usual spaces—kitchen, theater, library. She wasn’t hiding where I could find her easily, which meant she holed up in her room, the sanctuary where I promised I wouldn’t encroach.
But I spent the night buried to the hilt in the most beautiful woman in the world. That much pleasure earned a momentary right to trespass. But I was still a gentleman. I knocked before twisting the knob.
Shay wore a pretty little camisole, but she pulled her blouse over her shoulders and buttoned it before I got close enough to see anything good.
She tried not to look at me, but she loved my muscles as much as I loved her curves. Helpless to resist, stupid to refuse. The motto served me well for years.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey.”
Shay busied herself with her makeup and applied a layer of lip gloss over her full lips—lips which had tugged over my cock, parted with pleasure, and softened with my kiss.
It was idiotic to envy a tube of lipstick, but the girl had me hard up for anything. A smile. A sigh. Any sign she wasn’t going to ignore what happened between us.
“Going out?” I asked.
“Yep.”
“With who?”
She shrugged. “A couple girlfriends. Nothing important. Need a chance to get out of the house.”
And away from me. I crossed my arms. The headache faded in her presence, and her touch was the sort of balm I’d apply directly to the forehead—and everywhere else.
If she’d just look at me.
If she’d take the fucking chance to think about what might have started.
Sure, I fucked it up in the beginning—built the inferno before we gathered the kindling. But stepping backwards was harder than getting her into the sheets.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“Lost your job. Douche-bag advisor. Graduation delays?” Listing her insecurities was probably a bad idea. Too bad I was her biggest one. “Fucking me.”
Her compact snapped shut. She closed her eyes. “Zach.”
“You enjoyed yourself.”
“That’s not the point.”
“What is?”
“That I need time to process what happened,” she said. “I need to…figure things out.”
“Why don’t we do it together?”
“Because I’m not sure if there is a together, Zach. Don’t you get it?” She tried to stare at my forehead instead of in my eyes. I wasn’t having it. I snapped her focus to me, and her voice softened. Progress, at least. “This is all so complicated.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“But it is.” She stood only to grab her purse. “I came to you for comfort. Twice. And you pulled me from my problems in the best way a girl could ask. I’m grateful, Zach.”
Grateful.
That wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t fuck her so she could feel better about herself. I fucked her because I couldn’t imagine a world where I wasn’t inside of her, feeling her, experiencing her.
This woman was rapidly becoming the center of my goddamned universe and she didn’t even realize it. Worse, telling her would only ruin every chance I had.
But what if I needed to be fucking comforted?
My expression twisted. Shay backpedaled, but my disgust didn’t aim for her.
What the hell was wrong with me? So I got a fucking headache. Since when did I whine about it to the one woman I was trying to impress?
What did I think would happen? She’d listen? She’d care?
Shay couldn’t figure her own shit out. I wasn’t dropping mine on her too. Revealing any of my shame would blow my shot with her. I didn’t need her to help me feel better. I wasn’t a damned child.
Besides, she wasn’t ready to talk to me. Why would I unload on her? Obviously she didn’t trust me yet.
Christ, that hurt worse than the headache.
Didn’t matter. She was scared. It wasn’t worth fighting and frightening her more. If she wanted space, she’d get it. If she wanted fucked…
My cock stirred as she bent to grab her shoes.
There it was. Back from its fucking slumber.
That was a scare I didn’t need. The headache pulsed harder, but at least if Shay wanted comfort again, I’d give it. Then maybe she’s realize what a fucking mistake she made by not letting me actually help.
I surrendered. I needed a nap and a stiff drink. I waved a hand.
“Have a good time,” I said. “I won’t wait up.”
“Didn’t ask you to.”
No, she hadn’t. Whatever.
I turned, but she called to me before I made it to the door.
“Zach?”
“Yeah?”
She twisted her purse in her hands. Her curls bobbed, and her almond eyes widened.
“Never mind,” she said. “It’s nothing.”
I didn’t believe her, but I wasn’t arguing. I nodded and let her dress in peace.
The headache kicked my ass. I crashed in my room as it shifted from annoying to agonizing.
If I had told her about the pain, she probably would have stayed.
I wasn’t ready for that pity-party yet. I’d sort out my own problems first before heaping them on a girl who filled a thirty-five thousand square foot mansion with her own troubles. No sense scaring off the best thing that happened to me since the injury. I was lucky enough to be alive. Now, I was lucky that she let me comfort her.
If only she’d let me do more.
Chapter Fourteen – Shay
The fruity drink stashed more umbrellas in the goblet than alcohol. Zach made a better martini though he’d sooner toss a couple olives in a bottle of vodka and call it a day. I liked his style.
And I think I was starting to prefer his company.
Azariah didn’t notice that my drink still sloshed with the peachy-strawberry mixture. She ordered another and waved to the three late-comers to our gals night out. Layna, Heaven, and Nikkole screeched their hellos and bounded to our table.
Layna flicked her manicured fingernails—complete with blue gems imbedded in the paint—at the passing waitress. “Cosmo and a water, thanks.” She scooted into the booth and pulled down her oversized sunglasses. Her dark eyes scolded me with a single glance. “Girl, how’d you piss off Sweeten that bad?”
Azariah mouthed a silent apology and scrunched her nose. She pretended to pass a menu to Heaven though Nikkole wasn’t having any fries or any of my excuses.
“Know what you do?” Nikkole said. “You take all that money your daddy left you, and you buy yourself new a hairdo and find a man.”
Nikkole had a bad habit of picking my greatest insecurity and blabbing it loud enough for everyone around to hear. The rumble of conversations quieted as she waved a hand over my outfit.
“Look at this shit. Button up blouse? Knee-length skirt? Christ, Shay. Let the girls get some air. Plenty of fine looking men on campus would be willing to play teacher with you.”
Heaven studied the menu, dispassionately. She cracked her gum and twirled a finger around her curls, interrupting the conversation in her usual style. “I’m getting a salad.”
We ignored her. Azariah and Layna usually agreed with Nikkole, but Azariah had the tact to phrase it better.
“You’re better than this stress, Shay,” Azariah said. “Go buy yourself some fancy clothes, a new car. Hell, travel to Europe. What do you need school for?”
I shrugged, sipping my drink instead of answering. It wasn’t about the money. It was about what I wanted to do, how I wanted to help people.
“She needs to get laid,” Layna said. “Sit on some big ol’ cock and forget all her troubles.”