“I’d have spent every last cent if it kept you…” She looked away. “If it healed you.”
It wasn’t what she wanted to say, but I was glad that fear left her. I squeezed her hand.
“Gretchen?”
“She knows. She was here. She went to her office this morning, but she’s stopping in to check on you. She helped get the neurosurgeon. I dropped her name, said that you were a war vet, and I added an extra zero to his cost estimate. He came running.”
I shifted. The drugs, surgery, and bed held me damn firm, but I extended my arm. Shay helped to place my hand on her belly. She smiled—a hopeful, gentle smile.
So I had to be an ass.
I tugged on the shirt. “You’re wearing my shirt again.”
“Oh, stop it.”
I pressed against her. She was warm, but I couldn’t tell anything else. No bump. No swell. No indication anywhere that she had a little baby inside of her.
I thought we were being careful? Apparently, I was a damn miracle machine. My first injury, a baby even with contraception, and now an aneurysm? I used up my nine lives and created more.
Still, I hated myself for not knowing she was pregnant. I should have hauled ass to get her ice-cream, not pissed around with my own impatience while waiting for her to come to her senses and fucking love me.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“You never say that.”
“I probably should say it more. Maybe it might have helped.”
Shay swallowed. “I didn’t tell you.”
I didn’t want to take my hand away. How the hell did something so small affect me so much? “Why?”
“I was just…scared.”
“Of what?” I drew my gaze to hers. Those almond eyes were pure elegance.
“Of losing you. Raising a baby alone. That you’d deploy and we’d never see you again.” She rubbed my hand, pressing me harder against her belly. “I was afraid of telling you because I didn’t understand how I felt.”
“Do you understand it now?”
“Yes.”
I didn’t know if it was the brain surgery, pain meds, or the lingering effects of the anesthesia, but Shay went quiet.
“You didn’t tell me you weren’t permitted to re-enlist,” she whispered.
“You didn’t tell me you were pregnant.”
“Yeah, but I already told you why I was afraid.”
“I wasn’t afraid.” The drugs made it hard to lie. “I didn’t want you to think less of me. I didn’t want me to think less of me. I spent my entire life training to serve in the military. Suddenly I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what to do. What I had left.” She sat too far away from me, but I couldn’t pull her any closer. “Now I know exactly what I have.”
Shay stilled. “What’s that?”
“You. If you let me in.” I managed a grin. “If you let me stay.”
“That’s what you want?”
“Shay, I’m so goddamned in love with you, if I weren’t tethered to this fucking bed, I’d get on my knee and chase you around until you promised to stay with me forever.”
“Forever is a long time.”
“Forever will never be enough time with you.”
“Zach—”
“I don’t know how to prove my love to you,” I said. “I wouldn’t even know how to begin. But you have to know that you are the reason I’m staying. Not because some doctor rejected me or my head scrambled. I love you, Shay. I want a life with you.”
Her eyes welled with tears—terrified but overjoyed. She couldn’t help but touch her belly. I had a feeling we’d be doing a lot of that.
If she let me.
Christ, I hope she’d let me.
“Say it,” I said. “Don’t fight me anymore. Forget our parents’ marriage. Forget the money. Forget the house. Just look at me.”
Shay shook her head. “I can’t forget those things, Zach. They’re what led me to you.”
“Will they keep you from me?”
Her smile warmed me. “No. Not anymore.”
“You’re sure?”
“More certain than I’ve ever been.”
I nestled into my pillows. Shay wasn’t the only one who avoided commitment. I never heard anyone say it to me. I wondered if it’d be just as sweet as I imagined.
“Zach, I’m in love with you.”
Nope. I was wrong. It was far sweeter. Beautiful. Perfect.
Nothing better in the world, and I was attached to a line of morphine.
She leaned in again for a simple kiss, but there was nothing simple about it, not after speaking those words. Not after nearly dying in her arms. Not after learning our passion created the life tucked secret within her belly.
I thought my life fell apart without my job. Instead, I was given a chance for a happiness I didn’t know if I fucking deserved, but I sure as hell wasn’t blowing.
I brushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her again.
“You and me,” I whispered. “We’re gonna start a family. We’re going to love each other. And we’re going to be good to each other. That’s the way it’ll happen.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. The instant I get out of this bed, I’m proving it to you.”
She smiled. “You just had surgery. You need to rest. Really rest.”
“I’ll have plenty of time while I’m taking care of you and the baby.”
“I’m supposed to be the one reassuring you.”
“Me?” I shrugged. It hurt. I reminded myself not to do that again. “I’m still in one piece. Much better than my last stay in the hospital. This recovery will be easy.”
“Why?”
“Because I have you.” I pulled her close again. “I love you.”
Finally the walls came down. No hesitations. No excuses. Just me and her and absolute honesty.
“I love you too.”
Epilogue – Shay
Five Months Later
I smoothed the comforter around us as Zach crashed, the instructions for a tricky mobile still clutched in his hand. The little woodland creatures that belonged over the crib scattered across the room. Defeat never looked so cute.
He tossed an arm over his eyes. “I’ll finish it in the morning. Or I’ll pay someone to do it for me. That fucking mobile is harder to crack than the crib.”
I snuggled against him. “I think it’s great you’re trying to build it all.”
“I can strip and assemble a rifle in a minute. Can’t figure out baby equipment.”
“You love it.”
He couldn’t hide the dimples. “So do you.”
I bit my lip. The folded envelope rested on the nightstand. Inside, a card from my doctor with the results of the day’s sonogram. I managed to ignore it all day, but I cuddled next to Zach, and the baby heard his voice. The little butterfly flutter punted me from the inside. I stared at the sealed card.
“Are you sure you don’t want to know if it’s a girl or boy?” I asked.
“Thought we wanted it to be a surprise?”
I thought a lot of things over the past few months. I thought of how lucky it was that Zach rested beside me. How amazing it felt to have him there for late night ice-cream and soft pretzel runs. How awesome it was that I found a charity that shared my goals.
I was blessed with both a baby and Zach. Our family grew every day, healthy and together.
But sweet Mary and Joseph I wanted to know who the little trooper was kicking in my belly. I couldn’t wait three whole months.
I reached over Zach. He stole my arm and kissed it before I swiped the envelope.
“Nope,” he said. “You ordered me to stop you.”
“I also told you to leave the estate and get out of my life forever.”
He grinned, motioning as if to get out of bed. “A promise is a promise.”
“No!” I giggled, pulling him to me. “Don’t you dare. A girl can change her mind.”
And thank goodness I did.
Zach gave me a scolding glance before he kissed me.
“You wanted.” His lips moved from mine to the delicate angle of my chin. “To keep it.” I bent my head back as he gently sucked at my throat. “A surprise.”
Oh, the things he did to me…most notably the bump in my belly. The baby was nowhere near done cooking, but the swelling excited both of us. Zach’s hand rubbed over my tummy, but his lips and teeth nipped at my teddy for another reason entirely.