“Yes. And the pillow cases and bedspread.”
“Bring the bedspread.”
“Okay.”
Willow gets up and sprints to the car.
Then screams bloody murder.
For a moment I figure she’s found Bobby’s dead body.
Then I realize she’s screaming for a completely different reason.
22
I get to my feet and turn to find two men holding a gun on Willow. When she stops screaming, they start.
“What the fuck’s going on here?” one of them shouts.
They see her look at me and the other guy yells, “Sir? Stay right where you are, and don’t move a muscle. I may not look like it, but I know how to use this gun.”
He’s right. He doesn’t look like a killer. He looks like a conjoined twin.
“You,” the first twin says to Willow. “Put that shit back in the trunk and go stand beside the battered husband.”
“My friend’s been shot,” she says. “That’s Dr. Box. This is his medical bag. He needs it to help my friend.”
“Fuck your friend!” the first one says.
“Oh, stop being such a Clint Eastwood,” the second twin says. “What’s your name, honey?”
“Willow.”
“Your full name, dear.”
“Willow Breeland.”
“Nice to meet you, Willow. I’m Charlie, and this is-”
“Don’t tell him our names, you moron!” the first twin says.
“Oh, like she needs our names to identify us?” Charlie says. “She can’t just say, ‘the Siamese twins held a gun on me?’ Because there are too many of us shuffling around the greater Dayton area?”
Willow suddenly notices Bobby, lying dead in the dirt, ten feet behind the twins.
And shrieks.
The twins angle their bodies to see what she’s looking at, and Charlie says, “Omigod! Look at that penis! It looks like the space shuttle!”
“He’s dead,” the first twin says.
“If he is, he’s got petrified wood for a penis. Omigod, I made a joke! He’s got a petrified woodie!”
They shuffle to Bobby’s body for a closer look while keeping an eye on me and the gun on Willow.
“Well pardon me!” Charlie says to me. “What are you doing?”
“Pissing,” I say. “What’s it look like?”
“It looks like you’re pissing,” he agrees.
“Who’s this?” the first twin asks Willow.
“My boyfriend, Bobby.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Charlie says.
“He was a piece of shit. I hated him,” she says.
“Men!” Charlie says. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”
“I can live without him.”
“You go, girl!”
“Who shot him?” the first twin says.
“He shot himself.”
“Then where’s the gun?”
She points toward the house. “He threw it over there after running out of bullets.”
“One of those bullets hit the window of our van,” he says. “It caused me to run off the road. We blew a tire and hit a tree.”
“I’m sorry,” Willow says.
“Why’s he naked?”
“It’s a long story.”
“It’s a long dick is what it is,” Charlie says, giggling. “By the way, this is my brother, Carlos.”
“I can’t believe you told her my name!” Carlos says.
They shuffle ten feet closer to me and notice Cameron on the ground.
“He shot her, too?” Carlos asks.
“He did,” I say. “And I need to get the bullet out of her shoulder before it does further damage.”
Charlie angles his head toward Willow and says, “You can take the bag to the doctor, honey.”
Willow rushes to my side and hands me the medical bag. She looks at my eyes and says, “Can you even see?”
“I could perform this surgery with my eyes closed.”
It’s a true statement, and a good thing, since my eyes are so swollen, I’m looking through slits the width of spaghetti noodles.
I give Cameron a shot of morphine and use my scissors to remove half her blouse. It takes less than five minutes to cut out the bullet, clean the wound, and stitch her up. When I’m finished, Willow wraps the blanket around her.
Behind us, the twins are laughing.
“For the love of God,” Willow says.
“What now?”
“They’re playing ring toss.”
I turn around to see them standing a short distance from Bobby, trying to toss necklaces onto his enormously erect penis.
“Two to nothing!” Charlie squeals. “I’m winning!”
23
Willow hovers over Cameron while I walk over to the twins.
“Are you done already?” Charlie says.
“I’ve done what I can, but we need to get Cameron to a hospital. Unless you plan to shoot us.”
“We need a ride home,” Charlie says. “Right, Carlos?”
“Are you serious?” Carlos says. “You plan to show him where we live?”
“Try to remember. We’re Siamese twins. If Dr. Box wants to know where we live he could simply ask around. How many conjoined twins live in the area, do you think?”
Carlos says, “We held a gun on him!”
“So?”
“We played ring toss with a dead guy’s dick.”
“Well, who wouldn’t?” Charlie says.
Me, for one.
Charlie says, “Dr. Box, when you report these events to the police, are you going to mention us?”
“Not if you let us go. Assuming you can get your car off the property before the police show up.”
“Mom can change the tire. But our cell phone doesn’t work out here. We’ll need a ride home.”
“How far is that?”
“Less than eight miles. It’s not out of the way if you’re heading to Dayton.”
“Why would I go to Dayton?”
“That’s where the closest hospital is. You did say you were taking Cameron to the hospital, right?”
“I did.” I look at the car. “Can you guys fit in the back seat?”
Charlie says, “I don’t think there’s enough room for everyone. How about if I go with you and Carlos stays here?”
Carlos says, “You’re not funny, you know.”
The twins spend five minutes trying to climb in the back seat of the Mercedes, but it’s not working.
“Wait a minute,” Charlie says.
The brothers move out of our hearing and talk to each other a minute, then shuffle back.
“We’ve chosen to trust you,” Charlie says.
“How so?”
“You can take Cameron to the hospital. On the way, when you get a signal, call the phone number I’m going to give you. That’s our mom. Tell her where we are. She’ll come here, change our tire, and get our van started.”
“Your mom can do all that?”
“All that and more!” Charlie says.
“Sorry guys, but I can’t see well enough to drive.”
“Good point,” Charlie says.
Willow walks up and stands beside me.
“We need to get going,” she says.
Carlos says, “the Doc stays with us.”
“I can live with that,” Willow says, with far more enthusiasm than necessary.
“No,” I say. “I can’t trust Willow to go to the hospital or talk to the police, for reasons that would take too long to explain. Plus, I’m a doctor. It’s safer for Cameron if I’m with her, in case she goes into shock or starts convulsing.”
“He can’t drive, and I’m not staying here with you guys,” Willow says.
“Then I’m afraid we’re at an impasse,” Charlie says, pointing the gun at me.
“Just a minute,” I say.
I motion for Willow to follow me a short distance. Then say, “I don’t suppose there’s a working phone in Maggie’s house.”
“I’m sure she canceled the phone service before moving out.”
“Can you get inside?”
“If the key’s where used to be.” She looks at Maggie’s house, then back at me. “Why?”
“If I slice the tissue beneath my eyes I’ll be able to see well enough to make it to the nearest hospital. These guys seem relatively harmless. I think I can talk them into letting you stay in the house with the door locked until their mom shows up.”
“How do you expect me to get home?”
“I’ll come back to get you.”
“I don’t think so.”