“I told you, it doesn’t matter.” She brushes my hands to the side and crosses her arms.
“People like Rafe have certain wants and desires. They’re attracted to people like me—“
“Is this supposed to be making me feel better?”
“Hear me out. They’re drawn to people like me because of the way I am. I’m a challenge for them, but I’m not a challenge for them to get into bed.”
Her eyes roll in circles. “My mother would call that being a slut.”
I fucking hate that word. “No offense, but your mom’s an idiot. It’s just the way it is. I’m not saying you should sleep your way around town—“
“Good, because that’s not anywhere close to being a checkered box on my bucket list.”
I step closer, and make direct contact with her eyes. “But you should sleep around. Just a little. Get that experience, so people like Rafe won’t look at you like some naïve child.”
“Why should I have to pretend to be someone I’m not?”
“Because life is fucked up,” and that’s the fucking truth.
She looks to the ground as a crackle of thunder rips across the sky. “Why were you at that meeting yesterday?”
“Ulterior motives.” This, I can be truthful about, because it helps my cause. The naïve and the innocent only need a tiny thread of truth to hang their trust on.
“You know what your problem is, Apple?” It’s a rhetorical question, and an answer isn’t expected. “You don’t trust people.”
I let out a soft sigh. “Walk a mile in my shoes, and then we’ll talk about trust.”
“Maybe…” She fumbles with her fingers. “Maybe I shouldn’t go back to that group.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I want Rafe to want me and… Don’t make me say it.”
“It’s okay, I’ll handle everything.”
She peeks behind her, taking a long look in the dark alley behind us. “I should probably be getting back to campus. My roommate might start worrying about me.”
“Okay,” I say softly. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Cool.” She nods and smiles nervously.
As she walks out of the alley and onto the sidewalk, I seem to sink into the stone beneath me. There’s something stirring inside me, something I haven’t felt in years.
Guilt.
I look at her, and I see who I used to be. I wonder if it’s the same exact damn thing Brick saw in me all those years ago. She doesn’t deserve this, but I’m not ready to concede victory to Brick. She’s an important part of this puzzle, so I take a few deep breaths and shake off all regret.
This is war.
Collateral damage is inevitable.
She’ll be stronger when she’s covered in battle scars. In the most fucked up way, I’m doing her a favor.
8
FOUR YEARS AGO
“Come on, I want to show you something.” Brick said to me as he led me into his pristine dorm room.
“Wow, you clean up really well.”
He looked back at me with a smug smile. “That’s because I have a girl coming over.”
I punched him lightly on the shoulder. “You are so sweet.”
“Oh,” he said as he bit into his lip, “don’t shower me with compliments. The girl in question isn’t you.”
I should have known better. He knew he had me wrapped around his finger and I was the lollipop to his bubblegum. How many licks does it take to get to the center? However many it took to make him come. Then, he was gone.
He was always gone. Always out conquering his latest conquest.
He was glowing as he pulled me to a chair that sat in front of his laptop. “I’m about to make you so wet,” he growled.
“You bought me a new vibrator?” I teased.
“I got you something you can get off on for the rest of your life.” He hovered over me and reached around to click the trackpad. When the screen turned on, I was hit in the face with video of one man on top of another, screwing his brains out in missionary position.
“You brought me here to watch gay porn?” I gasped. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“Shit… I forgot to rewind.”
I craned my head to look at him. His cheeks were flushed red, but his eyes were burned into the screen.
“Look,” he whispered to me, “and don’t take your eyes off the screen for a second. You don’t want to miss this.”
I did as instructed. It began with a framed shot of a bed in a college dorm. A home video—my favorite. Soon, I understood exactly why Brick brought me here.
Mason—the boy who had destroyed me after prom—came into frame and took a seat on the bed. He tugged his shirt over his head and kicked off his jeans. Then, another boy came into frame.
He was naked with tussled, dirty blonde hair. He approached Mason and bended to his knees, but something stole his attention off screen. He twisted his head and my eyes went wide.
“I’m going to release it to the whole school,” Brick said from behind me, his devious breath dancing along my neck.
I just shook my head in shock and disbelief. “Is that Dom?” I asked, my mind still reeling from the events unfolding around me.
“Yes.”
“No.” I shook my head violently and forced the chair backward, almost knocking Brick to the ground in the process. I lunged from my seat. “Your own brother? You would do that to your own brother?”
“That man destroyed you,” he yelled through a fit of rage, but I had a feeling his rage was a cover to justify what he was about to do to Dom—his brother.
“He’s innocent in this.”
“He’s collateral damage, and it sucks, but there is always a price to be paid.”
“This is too far.”
“You told me,” he said as he placed a shaking hand on my shoulder, “that you wanted to watch this man suffer. I’m giving you that gift.”
“Not like this.”
“Dom is strong. He can get through this.”
“He doesn’t even know, does he?”
“Of course not. He’s still in the closet.”
“You would out your own brother—“
“For you.” His hand trailed to my cheek. “I told you that you never had to be a victim to anyone in this world again. This is how that works, by always staying a step ahead of everyone else.”
I clenched my eyes shut and tried to rationalize what he was about to do. It didn’t take long. Soon, I came to the realization that he was right, whether or not he actually was. I knew what I felt, and I felt the burning satisfaction of revenge coursing through my veins.
“Are you sure Dom will be alright?”
Brick forced a smile. “I’m sure.”
And I knew that he couldn’t possibly know that. Hell, I knew he didn’t even believe it. But revenge often buries the truth in the interest of success. I felt for Dom, but found an unprecedented swell of ecstasy within. Mason Tucker was going to pay for what he did to me, but I knew that once that tape was leaked, I would never be the same again.
Though it wasn’t I that released the tape, I didn’t stop it. I sold my soul that day in the name of retribution and power.
And I was on top of the world, with no intention of ever coming back down.
9
PRESENT
I waited until Cece climbed into a taxi and disappeared into the night before making my way down the street toward the Apex—the shared apartment community of Brick and Jensen.
While ascending to the nineteenth floor, I prayed that I would avoid an awkward run-in with Jensen. The last thing I need right now is him believing that I’m stalking him. The elevator doors bounce open and I step out onto the carpeted floors.