It’s like a thunderstorm followed by the harsh light of the sun. The air becomes thick, and as everything dries, you pray for another storm to come soon. Sometimes, it doesn’t rain for months, leading to a crackling drought.
I’m all cried out. There is nothing that could push me past the point of tears. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not for the foreseeable future.
I push my way into my house, and Brick is there waiting for me with an obnoxious grin slapped across his face.
“Congratulations. You won.”
But I pay him no attention as I drift by, heading toward my bedroom. His jeans scratch against the fabric of the chair—my former throne which I’m considering burning in the middle of the street. “You bested me. You beat me by a fucking landslide. If this were a presidential election, I’d never be able to show my face in public again.” I can feel the weight of his shadow, outlined by the sun streaming through the patio door. “Now tell me, how does it feel?”
“I just don’t care, I suppose.” I stop in my tracks, too emotionally tired to trudge forward into my bedroom.
“Come on now,” he teases me from behind. “You beat me. That means you’re better than me at my own fucking game. You might have been fucking the teacher, but you…” I turn around to be confronted with a finger wagging at me. “You, the student, have become the master and I am burning with envy.”
“I’m done playing these games.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” There’s a clear difference in the way we speak. My words are almost silent, buried beneath the weight of guilt. He’s loud and obnoxious, almost demanding in his presence.
“I want you gone. I want you out of my life.”
“Is this about Jensen?” A crooked, funny grin follows.
“I loved him.”
“People like us don’t fall in love.” He cocks his head. “Well, I don’t. You do. But eventually you always come to realize nobody will ever truly love you.”
“Don’t you want a happy ending?” God, I sound like such a fucking child.
“I have three of those a day. Sometimes with three different women.”
I ignore his devious grin, and the cackling laughter. He is so fucking funny. I step past him and drop my keys on the coffee table. I turn to him, prepared to break free.
“You told me I was just like you—“
“Two of a kind, baby. Forever and always.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
“Don’t be naïve,” he scolds me. “You are exactly like me. Do you even realize what you’ve done?” He hovers over me like he owns me. “That man was in love with you in every fucking way a man could ever love a woman. He wanted you back after you cost him his heart and his career.” He smiles with insidious glee, and I go cold as the December air, terrified of the monster before me. “And you gave him up so you could beat me at a fucking game. You are exactly like me. I’d wager everything I own to say you’re actually worse. And the best part of it all is that I know you loved him.” He hooks me into his trap with one piercing look, and I begin to believe him. “Face it babe, It’s you and me for life. You can’t get rid of me because you’re obsessed with the power struggle between us.”
I’m frozen, berated into submission. I try to break free, but I’m stuck behind prison bars.
“No family. No friends. I’m all you have left” His touch against the flesh of my face gives me the courage to escape.
“I revoke the power I’ve given to you.”
He leans down and shifts his ear toward me. “Say what?”
“You have no power over me.” I find the strength to stare him down. All the pieces click into place. He’s nothing more than a user and an abuser. I will be his victim no more. “Not anymore.”
“You are so wrong. Oh,” he cackles, “I have the power. I have the power to destroy you. I have the power to own you. I have the power to do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want.” He grabs me by the back of the head and pulls me into his angry embrace, holding me still so I can see the need for control glistening in his eyes. “You are nothing without me, and don’t you ever forget that.”
I muster all the strength I have and push him away from me. He stumbles over his own foot and crashes to the ground. “I always knew you were the devil.”
“Jump on and enjoy the ride, baby.” He rolls onto his ass and laughs violently—he’s broken, and he’s lost his connection to reality. I’m not the only one engaged in a crippling relationship of dependency. He needs me as much as I need him, but I have the strength to leave him behind. Oh, how I wish I had this strength three hours ago. “Take hold of my horns,” he continues with a spitting bite, “because it’s going to be a rough fucking gallop.”
“I always knew, but I couldn’t see you for what you are.” I reach for my keys and push them into my pocket. “You’re a lonely, scared little boy. You’re going to crash and burn.”
“It’s okay.” He winces in pain as he rises to his feet. “I’ll enjoy the flames.”
“You’ll never change.”
“Baby…” He smirks. “I don’t need to change.”
I step to him and measure him from top to bottom. “If you call me baby one more time, I’ll send you back onto your ass.”
“Big bad Apple, huh?” He bites into his lip and traces his finger along my breasts. “Come give me a kiss… Baby.” He has decided to test me at the wrong fucking time. I swing my foot and kick him in the dick. He bows over in pain, dropping to his knees and clutching his genitals as he howls. “You’re going to pay for that.”
“I’m tempted to say I never do, but you taught me better than that. I’ve paid too much.”
Walking away from him is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, because in some fucked up way, I’ll always love him. But he’s the worst possible thing for me. He’s a drug, an addictive concoction of poison and contempt.
In the last twenty-four hours, I have lost everything, but I still manage to smile as I wrap my palm around the knob of the front door. I’m free, in search of a fresh start where people don’t know my name. A place where my bad reputation won’t matter.
When I open the door, I’m met with a sulking version of the man I left behind. My heart flutters, and the sunshine has never been more indicative of the road ahead.
33
“What are you doing here?” I question Jensen, shaking my head in disbelief. His flight was supposed to leave an hour ago.
He answers my inquiry with a passionate kiss, his palms clinging to my cheeks. I want to stay wrapped in his embrace. I want to stay here with our mouths trembling against each other, but this isn’t the place. I push a steady hand against his chest, but his head remains bowed against mine.
“I was half-way on the plane before I realized I couldn’t leave without you.” He swallows a lump in his throat and takes a moment to breathe. “I couldn’t leave this place before, after my wife’s accident because I couldn’t stand the thought of doing it alone. Don’t make me do it alone.”
“I’m coming.” I nod my head and tears of happiness begin a slow trickle down my face. “We can go anywhere.”
I hear Brick laughing from behind us, and I twist my head to see him. “Happy endings are such a pain in my ass.” He rolls his tongue across his bottom lip and I’m terrified what he’s capable of.
“Lets get the hell out of here,” I say to Jensen and grab his hand, leading him down the steps and to his car.
“So that’s him, huh?” He jerks away from me, and stares into my house. “That’s Brick?”
Brick steps out onto the porch, and then down the steps.
“Get in the car,” I command Jensen, but he doesn’t follow my orders. After what Brick has done, I can’t really blame him.