"Idi Amin," Remo said, declining the hand.
"One of us is the Master of Sinanju," Chiun elaborated. "The other is a rude pervert who is barely useful for household tasks."
"And the third is a drunk we've had to stay up all night watching while he humped his way to heaven," Remo growled.
"How could you watch?"
Remo shrugged. "No scruples, I guess."
"I mean, the sides of the building were sheer faces of poured concrete. You couldn't have looked in the window."
"Suit yourself."
"What did you hear?" Barney asked, testing.
"Nothing special. Grunts, groans, a couple of giggles from Blondie, a belch or two from you... the usual."
"Hmmm."
"And your promise to knock off Colder Raisin for her."
Barney winced. "You from the CIA?" he asked.
"That does it," Remo said. "He's going back unconscious, like I said." There was a flurry of discussion in Korean between the old man named Chiun and the young wise guy.
"No!" Chiun said finally in English. "He is a man. He will walk."
"Walk where?" Barney asked belligerently.
"Tenth Avenue in midtown."
"What for?"
"We're supposed to keep you alive."
"On Tenth Avenue? I'd have a better chance of staying alive in the Klondike wearing a jockstrap."
"Breathe in the other direction," Remo said.
"Who sent you here?"
"Your fairy godfather. Get moving."
Barney bristled. "Look, you guys, I appreciate what you did for me back there, but I want to know where I'm going and why."
Remo sighed. "Let me knock him out," he said to Chiun.
"You are in no danger with us," Chiun explained. "However, our employer feels that others will attempt to do you harm. We are to protect you."
"So why do you have to protect me on Tenth Avenue? Why not just follow me home to Weehawken?"
"Because you've decided to murder somebody," Remo said, disgusted. "And I've got to ask Upstairs if you're allowed to. Complications. Always complications."
Chiun smiled proudly. "I knew he was an assassin."
"A fellow's got to earn a living," Barney said.
They turned left on 81st Street, where muffled music leaked from a cellar door. "Oh," Barney said excitedly. "I almost forgot about this place. A terrific after-hours club. Care to join me for a cocktail?"
He veered off. Remo collared him.
This upset Barney. Did they know that he might not make the trip back to Tenth Avenue alive without some liquid refreshment to quench his thirst? Did they know they might well be delivering a corpse to their employer? Did they want that?
"Walk," Remo said.
"If I fought you, you'd win, right?"
"Wouldn't be surprised," Remo said.
"If you knocked me out, would you carry me?"
"I suppose I'd have to," Remo said.
"Where on Tenth Avenue are we going?"
"Forty-fourth Street."
"That's too far. A cocktail, or I go unconscious." He offered his neck to Remo.
Just then, a gang of eight Puerto Rican street toughs approached them. One of them was picking his teeth with a stiletto. They circled the three strangers in the neighborhood.
"Hey, man, you got any change?" the one with the stiletto asked Chiun, teasing the knife around his wrinkled throat.
"You are annoying me with that toy," Chiun said.
The eight of them laughed.
"Tell them to go suck a mango," Remo suggested to Chiun.
"How about this toy?" another asked, nicking out his stiletto with a pop. Six more pops punctuated the night. Eight blades flashed. The circle closed more tightly.
Barney moved into position, but Remo pulled him away. "He can take care of himself," he said.
"What do you say, old man?" the leader sneered. "Got any last words?"
"Yes," Chiun said. "Twice this night I have been inconvenienced by groups of hooligans with knives. It is getting to be impossible to walk these streets, and I plan to complain about it. I suggest you stop bothering innocent pedestrians and go home. Also, it is disrespectful to call me old."
The leader poised his stiletto at Chiun's throat. On the other side, another gang member crept up behind Chiun, prepared to slash at his back. "Those your last words, man?"
"Yes," Chiun said. And then he kicked behind him to relocate the manhood of the approaching man into the man's kidneys and the gang leader was thrusting his stiletto into thin air as he hurtled above the heads of his associates and came to rest around a telephone pole, which he encircled like a wreath halfway up the pole.
Two gang members fled immediately. The remaining four bashed their heads together with the perfect synchronization of a Busby Berkeley chorus line as Chiun whirled around them. Their skulls cracked and flattened on impact.
The man with relocated testicles rolled over once with a groan and then was silent. The man hugging the telephone pole slid bonelessly to the ground.
"Irritating," Chiun muttered, turning back to Remo and Daniels. "Egg juice. Knives. Name-calling. It is enough to cause indigestion. And you," he said, pointing menacingly toward Barney. "You will walk."
"Yes, sir. Nothing like a good walk to perk up the old circulation. That's what I always say. A good walk stills the nerves."
"And be silent."
Barney walked to Tenth Avenue as the dawn rose. In utter quiet.
Barney stuck a cigarette in his mouth as he entered the motel room. Remo crushed it into powder, so that Barney stood in the doorway holding a match to a one-inch filter. Then Remo reached into Barney's coat pocket and pulverized the rest of the pack.
"You could have just said you preferred I didn't smoke," Barney said. He looked around the room. "Real cozy. Where's my room?"
Remo pointed.
Barney looked inside. "That's the bathroom."
"That's right. Go take a shower. You smell like a brewery."
"Okay, okay," Barney said. "You don't have to be rude about it."
"Be sure to lock the door," Chiun said. "One never knows what a pervert might try."
"Got a drink?"
"No," Remo said, glowering.
"Just asked, that's all. No reason to get touchy." Barney headed off toward the bathroom and turned on the shower.
Remo called Smith. "We've got Daniels here," he said.
"Whatever for?"
He told Smith about Gloria X and the Peaches of Mecca and Barney's assignment to kill Calder Raisin.
"It doesn't make any sense," Smith said.
"Glad you agree."
"What does any of this have to do with Hispania?" Smith wondered aloud.
"Probably nothing. He's probably just trying to pick up a few bucks. The question is, what do we do with this rum pot?"
"Hang on to him until I can put everything into the computer. Don't let him kill Raisin. What's Gloria X's address?"
Remo gave it to him as Smith punched the information into the computer console.
"And what's her real last name?"
"Raisin."
"What?"
"She's Raisin's wife. That's what she said."
Smith was silent for a long moment before he said, "She can't be."
"Why not? Interracial marriages and murder between spouses has never been big news."
"Because Calder Raisin's wife lives in Westchester with their two kids under another name, and they're all as black as Raisin is. He keeps their profile low for security reasons, but he spends the weekends there. That information is in every personal biographical printout on every computer in the country."
"Maybe he's got two wives," Remo offered.