Gideon found Cary sleeping, so he and I ate a candlelit dinner for two at the dining table, a somewhat formal meal while lounging in the worn T-shirts and pajama bottoms we’d put on after our respective showers. I was worried about Cary, but spending quiet downtime alone with Gideon felt like just what we needed.
“I had lunch with Magdalene in my office yesterday,” he said after we’d enjoyed a few initial bites.
“Oh?” While I’d been ring shopping, Magdalene had been enjoying private time with my man?
“Don’t take that tone,” he admonished. “She ate a meal in an office covered in your flowers, with you blowing kisses from my desk. You were as much there as she was.”
“Sorry. Knee-jerk reaction.”
He lifted my hand to his mouth and pressed a quick, hard kiss to the back. “I’m relieved you can stil get jealous over me.”
I sighed. My emotions had been al over the map al day; I couldn’t decide how I felt about anything. “Did you say anything to her about Christopher?”
“That was the point of the lunch. I showed her the video.”
“What?” I frowned, remembering my phone had died in his car. “How’d you do that?”
“I took your phone up to my office and pul ed the video off via USB. Didn’t you notice I brought it back last night, ful y charged?”
“No.” I set my silverware down. Dominant or not, Gideon and I were going to have to work on which lines crossed over into my freak-out zone. “You can’t just hack into my phone, Gideon.”
“I didn’t hack into it. You haven’t set a password yet.”
“That’s not the point! It’s a serious invasion of my fucking privacy. Jesus…” Why in hel did no one in my life understand that I had boundaries? “Would you like me rummaging through your stuff?”
“I’ve got nothing to hide.” He pul ed his smartphone out of an inner pocket of his sweats and held it out to me. “And you won’t either.”
I didn’t want to get into a fight now, things were too shaky as it was, but I’d let this go long enough. “It doesn’t matter whether or not I have something I don’t want you to see. I have a right to space and privacy, and you need to ask before you help yourself to my information and my belongings. You have to stop taking whatever you want without my permission.”
“What was private about it?’ he asked with a frown.
“You showed it to me yourself.”
“Don’t be like my mother, Gideon!” I shouted.
“There’s only so much crazy I can handle.” He jerked back at my vehemence, clearly surprised by how upset I was. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
I gulped down my wine, trying to rein in my temper and unease. “Sorry I’m mad? Or sorry you did it?” After the length of several heartbeats, Gideon said,
“I’m sorry you’re mad.”
He real y didn’t get it. “Why don’t you see how weird this is?”
“Eva.” He sighed and shoved a hand through his hair. “I spend a quarter of every day inside you. When you set limits outside of that I can’t help but see them as arbitrary.”
“Wel , they’re not. They’re important to me. If there’s something you want to know, you need to ask me.”
“Al right.”
“Don’t do it anymore,” I warned. “I’m not kidding, Gideon.”
His jaw tightened. “Okay. I get it.”
Then, because I real y didn’t want to fight, I moved on. “What did she say when she saw it?” He visibly relaxed. “It was difficult, of course. Even more difficult to know I’d seen it.”
“She saw us in the library.”
“We didn’t talk about that directly, but then, what was there to say? I won’t apologize for making love to my girlfriend in a closed room.” He leaned back in his chair and exhaled harshly. “Seeing Christopher’s face on the video—seeing what he real y thought of her
— that hurt her. It’s hard to see yourself being used that way. Especial y by someone you think you know, someone who’s supposed to care about you.” To hide my reaction, I busied myself with refil ing both my glass and his. He spoke as if from experience. What exactly had been done to him?
After a quick gulp of wine, I asked, “How are you doing with it?”
“What can I do? Over the years, I’ve made every attempt to talk to Christopher. I’ve tried throwing money at him. I’ve tried threatening him. He’s never shown any inclination to change. I realized long ago that I can only do damage control. And keep you as far away from him as possible.”
“I’l be helping you with that, now that I know.”
“Good.” He took a drink, eyeing me over the lip of his glass. “You’re not asking me about my appointment with Dr. Petersen.”
“It’s none of my business. Unless you want to share.” I met his gaze, wil ing him to do just that. “I’m here to listen whenever you need an ear, but I’m not going to pry. When you’re ready to let me in, you wil . That said, I’d love to know if you like him.”
“So far.” He smiled. “He talks me around in circles.
Not many people can do that.”
“Yes. Talks you back around and makes you come at it from a different angle that has you thinking, ‘Now why didn’t I see it like that?’”
Gideon’s fingers stroked up and down the stem of his glass. “He prescribed something for me to take at night before bed. I fil ed it before I came over.”
“How do you feel about taking drugs?”
He looked at me with dark, haunted eyes. “I feel it’s necessary. I have to be with you and I have to make that safe for you, whatever it takes. Dr. Petersen says the drug combined with therapy has been successful for other ‘atypical sexual parasomniacs.’ I have to believe that.”
I reached over to squeeze his hand. Taking medication was a big step, especial y for someone who’d avoided facing his problems for a long time.
“Thank you.”
Gideon’s grip tightened. “Apparently there are enough people with this problem that there have been sleep studies on it. He told me about a documented case where a man sexual y assaulted his wife in his sleep for twelve years before they sought help.”
“Twelve years? Jesus.”
“Apparently part of the reason they waited so long was because the man was a better lay when he was asleep,” he said dryly. “And if that’s not a kil er blow to the ego, I don’t know what is.”
I stared at him. “Wel , shit.”
“I know, right?” His wry smile faded. “But I don’t want you to feel pressured to share a bed with me, Eva.
There is no magic pil . I can sleep on the couch or I can
go home, although of the two choices I’d prefer the couch. My whole day is better after getting ready for work with you.”
“For me, too.”
Reaching over, Gideon caught my hand and lifted it to his lips. “I never imagined I could have this…
Someone in my life who knows what you do about me.
Someone who could talk about my fuck-ups over dinner because they accept me anyway…I’m grateful for you, Eva.”
My heart twisted with a sweet pain in my chest. He could say such beautiful things, the perfect things.
“I feel the same way about you, ace.” Deeper, maybe, because I loved him. But I didn’t say that aloud.
He’d get there someday. I wasn’t going to give up until he was absolutely, irrevocably mine.