My hands weren’t quite steady as I closed the browser tabs. I hadn’t considered the press coverage, but I should have. “Damn it.”
Anonymity was my friend. It protected me from my past. It protected my family from embarrassment, and Gideon, too. I didn’t even have any social networking accounts so people who weren’t actively in my life couldn’t find me.
A thin, invisible wall between me and exposure was gone.
“Hell,” I breathed, finding myself in a painful situation I could have avoided if I’d dedicated any of my brain cells to something other than Gideon.
There was also his reaction to this mess to consider…I cringed inwardly just thinking about it. And my mother. It wouldn’t be long before she was calling and blowing everything out of-
“Shit.” Remembering that she didn’t have my new cell number, I picked up my desk phone and called my other voice mail to see if she’d already tried to reach me. I winced when I heard that my mailbox was full.
I hung up and grabbed my purse; then headed off to lunch, knowing Cary would help me put it all in perspective. I was so flustered when I reached the lobby level that I rushed out of the elevator with my only thought being to find my roommate. When I spotted him, I didn’t take note of anyone else until Gideon sidestepped smoothly in front of me and blocked my path.
“Eva.” He frowned down at me. Cupping my elbow, he turned me slightly around. That’s when I saw the two women and a man who’d hidden him from my view.
I managed to find a smile for them. “Hello.”
Gideon introduced me to his lunch dates. Then he excused us and tugged me off to the side. “What’s wrong? You’re upset.”
“It’s all over the place,” I whispered. “A picture of us together.”
He nodded. “I’ve seen it.”
I blinked up at him, confused at his nonchalance. “You’re okay with it?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? For once, they’re reporting the truth.”
A sneaking suspicion niggled at me. “You planned it. You planted the story.”
“Not entirely true,” he said smoothly. “The photographer happened to be there. I just gave him a picture worth printing, and told PR to make it clear who you are and what you are to me.”
“Why? Why would you do that?”
“You have your way of dealing with jealousy and I have mine. We’re both off the market and now everyone knows it. Why is that a problem for you?”
“I was worried about your reaction, but there’s more…There are things you don’t know and I-” I took a deep, shaky breath. “It can’t be that way between us, Gideon. We can’t be public. I don’t want-Damn it. I’ll embarrass you.”
“You couldn’t. It’s not possible.” He brushed a loose lock of hair off my face. “Can we talk about this later? If you need me-”
“No, it’s okay. Go.”
Cary came over. Dressed in baggy black cargo pants and a V-neck white undershirt, he still managed to look expensive. “Everything all right?”
“Hi, Cary. Everything’s fine.” Gideon squeezed my hand. “Enjoy your lunch and don’t worry.”
He could say that because he didn’t know better.
And I didn’t know whether or not he’d still want me once he did.
Cary faced me as Gideon walked away. “Worry about what? What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” I sighed. “Let’s get out of here, and I’ll tell you over lunch.”
“Well,” Cary murmured, looking at the link I’d forwarded from my smartphone to his. “That’s some kiss. The dip was a great touch. He couldn’t look more into if he tried.”
“That’s the thing.” I took another big gulp of water. “He did try.”
He shoved his phone into his pocket. “Last week you kept shooting him down for only wanting your vagina. This week he’s publicizing that he’s in a committed, passionate relationship with you, and you’re still unhappy. I’m starting to feel bad for the guy. He can’t win for trying.”
That stung. “Reporters are going to dig, Cary, and they’re going to find dirt. And since it’s juicy dirt they’re going to splash it all over hell and back, and it’s going to embarrass Gideon.”
“Baby girl.” He set his hand over mine. “Stanton buried all that.”
Stanton. I straightened. I hadn’t thought of my stepfather. He’d see the disaster coming and keep a lid on it because he knew what the revelation would do to my mother. Still…“I’ll have to talk to Gideon about it. He has a right to be warned.”
Just the thought of that conversation made me miserable.
Cary knew how my brain worked. “If you think he’s going to cut and run, I think you’re wrong. He looks at you like you’re the only person in the room.”
I poked at my tuna Caesar salad. “He’s got a few demons of his own. Nightmares. He’s closed himself off, I think, because of whatever’s eating at him.”
“But he’s let you in.”
And he’d already shown hints of how possessive he could be about that connection. I accepted that because it was a flaw I shared, but still…
“You’re analyzing this to death, Eva,” Cary said. “You’re thinking the way he feels about you has to be a fluke or a mistake. Someone like him couldn’t really be into you for your big heart and sharp mind, right?”
“My self-esteem isn’t that bad,” I protested.
He took a sip of his champagne. “Isn’t it? So tell me something you think he likes about you that doesn’t have to do with sex or codependency.”
I thought about it and came up empty, which made me scowl.
“Right,” he went on with a nod. “And if Cross is anywhere near as messed up as we are, he’s thinking the same thing in reverse, wondering what a hot babe like you sees in a guy like him. You’ve got money, so what has he got going for him besides being a stud who keeps screwing up?”
Sitting back in my chair, I absorbed everything he’d said. “Cary, I love you madly.”
He grinned. “Back atcha, sweets. My advice, for what it’s worth? Couples therapy. It’s always been my plan to get into it when I find the one I want to settle down with. And try to have fun with him. You’ve got to have as many good times as bad or it all becomes too painful and too much work.”
I reached over and squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”
“For what?” He shrugged off my gratitude with an elegant wave of his hand. “It’s easy to pick apart someone else’s life. You know I couldn’t get through my rough spots without you.”
“Which you don’t have any of now,” I pointed out, shifting the focus to him. “You’re about to be splashed across a Times Square billboard. You won’t be my secret any longer. Should we upgrade dinner from pizza to something more worthy of the occasion? How about we haul out that case of Cristal Stanton gave us?”
“Now you’re talking.”
“Movies? Anything in particular you want to watch?”
“Whatever you want. I wouldn’t want to screw with your big-dumb-blow-’em-up movie genius.”
I grinned, feeling better as I’d known I would after an hour with Cary. “You’ll let me know if I’m too dense to figure out when you and Trey want to be alone.”
“Ha! Don’t worry about that. Your tempestuous love life is making me feel dull and boring. I could use a hot, sweaty bang with my own stud.”
“You just had a maintenance closet romp a couple days ago!”
He sighed. “I’d nearly forgotten. How sad is that?”
“It isn’t when your eyes are laughing.”
I’d just gotten back to my desk when I checked my smartphone and found a text from Gideon letting me know he had fifteen minutes to spare at quarter to three. I nursed a secret rush of anticipation for the next hour and a half, having decided to take Cary’s advice and have a little fun. Gideon and I would have to wade through the ugliness of my past soon enough, but for now, I could give us both something to smile about.