The raw passion of our lust gentled into the warm familiarity of love. With my heart breaking, I confessed, “I don’t either. At least not voluntarily.”
“Then…why?” The confusion in his voice moved me deeply.
I hugged him, pressing my cheek to his shoulder and listening to the slightly panicked beat of his heart. “Because I believe your touch can erase Nathan’s.”
“Oh, Eva.” His cheek pressed to the crown of my head.
I snuggled closer. “You make me feel safe.”
We held each other for long moments. I listened to his heartbeat slow and his breathing smooth out. I inhaled deeply, relishing the mix of his personal scent mixed with the scent of hard lust and harder sex.
When the tip of his middle finger slid gossamer-soft over the pucker of my anus, I stilled and pulled back to look at him. “Gideon?”
“Why me?” he asked softly, his beautiful eyes dark and stormy. “You know I’m fucked up, Eva. You saw what I…that night you woke me…You saw, damn it. How can you trust me with your body this way?”
“I trust my heart and what it tells me.” I smoothed the frown line between his brows. “You can give my body back to me, Gideon. I believe you’re the only one who can.”
His eyes closed and his damp forehead touched mine. “Do you have a safeword, Eva?”
Startled, I pulled back again to study his face. A few members of my therapy group had talked about Dom/sub relationships. Some required total control to feel safe during sex. Others fell on the opposite side of the line, finding that bondage and humiliation satisfied their deep-seated need to feel pain to experience pleasure. For those who practiced that lifestyle, a safeword was an unambiguous way to say “stop.” But I couldn’t see how that had any relevance to me and Gideon. “Do you?”
“I don’t need one.” Between my legs, the gentle stroke of his finger became less tentative. He repeated his question, “Do you have a safeword?”
“No. I’ve never needed one. Missionary, doggy style, B.O.B… that’s about the extent of my mad skills in the sack.”
That brought a touch of amusement to his otherwise severe face. “Thank God. I wouldn’t survive you otherwise.”
And still that fingertip massaged me, spurring a dark yearning. Gideon could do that to me, make me forget everything that happened before. I had no negative sexual triggers with him, no hesitation or fears. He’d given that to me. In return, I wanted to give him the body he’d freed from my past.
The long case clock near the door began to chime the hour.
“Gideon, we’ve been gone a long time. Someone will come looking for us.”
He put the slightest pressure against my sensitive rosette, barely pressing. “Do you really care if they do?”
My hips arched into the touch. Anticipation was making me hot all over again. “I don’t care about anything but you when you’re touching me.”
His free hand lifted to my hair and held it at the roots, keeping my head still. “Did you ever enjoy anal play? Accidentally or by deliberation?”
“No.”
“And yet you trust me enough to ask me for this.” He kissed my forehead as he drew the slickness of his semen back to my rear.
I gripped his waistband. “You don’t have to-”
“Yes, I do.” His voice had that wickedly assertive bite to it. “If you crave something, I’ll be the one to give it to you. All of your needs, Eva, are mine to fulfill. Whatever it costs me.”
“Thank you, Gideon.” My hips shifted restlessly as he continued to lubricate me gently. “I want to be what you need, too.”
“I’ve told you what I need, Eva-control.” He brushed his parted lips back and forth over mine. “You’re asking me to lead you back into painful places and I will, if that’s what you need. But we have to be extremely careful.”
“I know.”
“Trust is hard for both of us. If we break it, we could lose everything. Think of a word you associate with power. Your safeword, angel. Choose it.”
The pressure of that single fingertip became more insistent. I moaned, “Crossfire.”
“Umm…I like it. Very fitting.” His tongue dipped into my mouth, barely touching mine before retreating. His finger rimmed my anus over and over, pushing his semen into the puckered hole, a soft growl escaping him as it flexed in a silent plea for more.
The next time he pressed against the ring, I pushed out and he slipped his fingertip inside me. The feeling of penetration was shockingly intense.
Just as before, surrender weighted my body, leaving me languid.
“Are you okay?” Gideon asked harshly as I sagged against him. “Should I stop?”
“No…Don’t stop.”
He pushed fractionally deeper and I clenched around him, a helpless reaction to the feel of something gliding across tender tissues. “You’re snug and scorching hot,” he murmured. “And so soft. Does it hurt?”
“No. Please. More.”
Gideon withdrew to his fingertip; then slid in to the knuckle, slow and easy. I quivered in delight, astonished by how good it felt, that teasing bit of fullness in my rear.
“How’s that?” he asked hoarsely.
“Good. Everything you do to me feels good.”
He withdrew again, glided deep again. Leaning forward, I thrust my hips back to give him easier access and pressed my breasts against his chest. His fist in my hair tightened, pulling my head back so he could take my mouth in a lush, wet kiss. Our open mouths slid across each other, growing more frantic as my arousal built. The feel of Gideon’s finger in that darkly sexual place, thrusting in that gentle rhythm, had me rocking backward to meet his inward drives.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice infinitely gentle. “I love making you feel good. Love watching an orgasm move through your body.”
“Gideon.” I was lost, drowning in the powerful joy of being held by him, loved by him. Four days alone had taught me how miserable I’d be if we couldn’t work things out, how dull and colorless my world would be without him in it. “I need you.”
“I know.” He licked across my lips, making my head spin. “I’m here. Your cunt’s trembling and tightening. You’re going to come for me again.”
With shaking hands, I reached between us for his cock, finding it hard. I lifted the layers of my underskirts so I could insert him into my drenched sex. He slid in a few inches, our standing positions preventing deeper penetration, but the connection alone was enough. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, burying my face in his neck as my knees weakened. His hand left my hair, his arm clasping my back and holding me close.
“Eva.” The tempo of his finger thrusts quickened. “Do you know what you do to me?”
His hips nudged against mine, the wide crest of his penis massaging a sweetly tender spot. “You’re milking the head of my dick with those hungry little squeezes. You’re going to make me come for you. When you go off, I’m going with you.”
I was distantly aware of the helpless noises spilling from my throat. My senses were overloaded by Gideon’s scent and the heat of his hard body, the feel of his cock rubbing inside me and his finger pumping into my rear. I was surrounded by him, filled with him, blissfully possessed in every way. A climax was building in force, pounding through me, pooling in my core. Not just from the physical pleasure but from the knowledge that he’d been willing to take a risk. Once again. For me.
His finger stilled and I made a sound of protest.
“Hush,” he whispered. “Someone’s coming.”
“Oh God! Magdalene came in earlier and saw us. What if she told-”
“Don’t move.” Gideon didn’t let me go. He stood just as he was, filling me front and back, his hand caressing the length of my spine and smoothing my dress down. “Your skirts hide everything.”
With my back to the room’s entrance, I pressed my flaming face into his shirt.