“Not a very good tan, Frank. Would you like to know why? Because it was a second honeymoon, that’s why. It’s a little difficult to get a tan when you’re up in the room all day long.”
“We were not up in the room all day long,” he said, and got down on his knees and looked under the bed. “Now how did it get there?” he said, and reached under the bed.
“Then where were you?” Millie asked.
“In the water, most of the time.”
“Suppose a shark had bitten off your leg?”
“There were no sharks,” he said, and stood up, and shook out the shirt.
“A barracuda then. How could you have driven here to New Jersey with only one leg?”
“I’m back,” he said, putting on the shirt, “and I still have both my legs, so obviously...”
“Yes, but you never once gave it a minute’s thought, did you? When you were scuba diving down there.”
“I was snorkeling.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Snorkeling is recreational. That’s the only reason I do it. For recreation.”
“Why’d you have to go all the way to Antigua to do it?”
“Mae wanted to go to Antigua.”
“So naturally, you went. Never mind me.”
“Millie, I was only gone for a lousy three weeks!”
“Twenty-four days, if we choose to be precise. And you never called me once,” she said, and threw the hairbrush into her bag, and crossed the room to the clothes rack, and took her blouse from a wire hanger.
“I couldn’t phone,” he said. “We were on the beach most of the day.”
“Didn’t you ever come off the beach?” Millie asked, and put on the blouse.
“We came off the beach, yes,” Frank said. “But there wasn’t a phone in the room. The only phone was in the lobby.”
“Then why didn’t you go up to the lobby and call from there?” she said, buttoning the blouse.
“Because it took hours to get through to the States.”
“Oh, then you did call the States,” she said, and turned to face him.
“Yes, I called the office once to see how the new campaign was shaping up.”
“But you couldn’t call me,” she said.
“Millie, this was a very isolated little hotel, with these small cottages on the beach, and...”
“Honeymoon cottages,” she said.
“Suppose Mae had seen me making a phone call?”
“You could have told her you were calling the office to check on your brilliant campaign.”
“I’d already called the office, and they’d told me my brilliant campaign was shaping up fine.”
“I still think you could have called me, Frank. If you hadn’t been so busy growing a mustache...”
“A man isn’t busy growing a mustache. It grows all by itself.”
“Yes, and there’s a very definite connection, too. Between a mustache and sexuality.”
“Take Michael, for example.”
“Don’t change the subject. If you hadn’t been so involved with Mae, if you hadn’t been enjoying your second honeymoon so much...”
“Millie, it was not...”
“Which, of course, is why she sold the damn shop ten minutes after you got back. She simply didn’t need it anymore. She found her husband again.”
“Millie, it was not a second honeymoon. And I don’t think the Antigua trip was the reason Mae sold the shop. And I would have called you if it was at all possible, but it wasn’t. Would you hand me my tie, please?”
“I still think you could have called,” Millie said, and handed him the tie, and then said, “I went to bed with Paul while you were gone.”
“What!” he said, dropping the tie. “Why the hell did you do that?”
“Oh, for recreation,” she said airily.
He stared at her silently, and then picked up the tie, and turned to the mirror.
“I figured...”
“I’m not interested,” he said.
“That’s exactly what I figured. A man goes away for three weeks...”
“Twenty-four days.”
“Yes, and doesn’t even call the woman he professes to love so madly...”
“Yes, so the woman runs back to a two-bit sculptor she used to screw every Tuesday!” Frank shouted.
“Right!” she shouted back, and suddenly there was a hammering on the wall.
“Oh, hell!” Frank said. The hammering stopped. “You know what he does in there?” he asked Millie. “He’s not at all interested in that frumpy little blonde he brings here every week. All he does is sit in there and wait for us to raise our voices so he can jump up on the bed and bang on the wall. You hear that, you fat bastard?” he shouted. The man next door immediately hammered on the wall again. Frank went to the wall and began banging on it himself. The hammering on the other side stopped at once. Satisfied, he went back to the mirror and began knotting his tie.
“It was awful with Paul,” Millie said.
“Good.”
“Do you know what he’s into these days? Sculpting, I mean.”
“Nipples, I would imagine,” Frank said.
“Ears. His whole studio is full of these giant-sized ears.”
“Let me know when he gets to the good part, will you?”
“These huge ears all over the place.” She shook her head in wonder. “All the while we were making love, I had the feeling somebody was listening to us.” She went to the clothes rack, took down her skirt, and stepped into it. “I don’t know why I went there,” she said. “Maybe I sensed what was about to happen.”
The telephone rang. Frank went to it instantly, and picked up the receiver. “Hello?” he said. “Yes, this is Mr. McIntyre. Really?” he said. “Banging on the wall? No, I don’t think so. Just a minute, please.” He turned to Millie, and said, “Darling, were you banging on the wall?” Then, into the phone again, he said, “No, nobody here was banging on the wall. Maybe it’s the plumbing. Have you had the plumbing checked lately? Well, that’s what I would suggest. Goodbye.” He hung up, went to the dresser again, scooped his change, keys, and wallet off the top of it, and put them into his pockets.
“Frank?” she said. “Do you think we’re finished?”
“No,” he said immediately.
“I think we are,” she said.
“Millie,” he said, “let’s get a couple of things straight, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Number one, the trip to Antigua was not a second honeymoon. The situation between Mae and me has not changed an iota.”
“What’s the situation?”
“Mae and I love each other, but we are not in love with each other.”
“You’re comfortable with each other, right?”
“Right.”
“Just a pair of comfortable old bedroom slippers tucked under the bed, right?”
“Right.”
“Then why didn’t you come back with a tan?” Millie said.
“Millie, let’s get a couple of things straight, okay?” he said.
“We already got the first thing straight,” she said, “so what’s the second thing?”
“The second thing is that I still feel the same way about you. I’ll always feel the same way about you, in fact.”
“That’s very nice,” she said. “How do you feel about me?”
“I’m in love with you.”
“But you don’t love me.”
“It’s the same thing, Millie. Being in love with someone and loving someone...”
“How come with me it’s the same thing, but with Mae it’s a totally different thing? A minute ago you were a pair of old bedroom slippers...”
“I’ve known Mae for twenty-two years,” he said. “I’ve only known you for ten months.”