George III meeting people and stopping to talk to Roderick. Present also is the Duke of Rutland.
RODERICK (V.O.)
And the patriotism of the gentlemen who raised them was so acceptable at court that, on being presented by my Lord Crabs, His Majesty condescended to notice me particularly and said:
GEORGE III
That's right, Mr. Cosgrove, raise another company, and go with them, too!
RODERICK (V.O.)
Crabs was really one of the most entertaining fellows in the world, and I took a sincere pleasure in his company, besides the interest and desire I had in cultivating the society of the most important personages of the realm.
Roderick clumsily tries to engage in conversation with the famed Dr. Johnson, on the subject of a book or play, of the day, and is rebuffed for his trouble.
JOHNSON
If I were you, Mr. Cosgrove, I should mind my horses and tailors and not trouble myself about letters.
Laughter, Roderick bristles.
RODERICK
Dr. Johnson, I think you misbehave most grossly, treating my opinions with no more respect than those of a schoolboy. You fancy, sir, you know a great deal more than me, because you quote your "Aristotle" and "Plato," but can you tell me which horse will win at Epsom Downs next week? Can you shoot the ace of spades ten times without missing? If so, talk about Aristotle and Plato with me.
BOSWELL
(roars)
Do you know who you're speaking to?!
JOHNSON
Hold your tongue, Mr. Boswell, I had no right to brag of my Greek, gentlemen, and he has answered me very well.
RODERICK
(pleased)
Do you know ever a rhyme for Aristotle?
GOLDSMITH
(laughing)
Port, if you please.
JOHNSON
Waiter, bring on of Captain James' rhymes for Aristotle.
RODERICK (V.O.)
And we had six rhymes for Aristotle before we left the coffee house that evening.
EARL OF CRABS
Henri, this is Mr. James Cosgrove, who wishes to arrange a dinner party next week for sixty guests.
HENRI
I am at your service, Mr. Cosgrove. How much do you wish to spend?
RODERICK
As much as possible.
HENRI
As much as possible?
RODERICK
Yes, for I wish to entertain splendidly.
HENRI
All the same, you must name an amount.
RODERICK
It is entirely up to you. I want the best.
EARL OF CRABS
May I suggest five hundred guineas?
RODERICK
Will that be enough?
HENRI
Last month, the Duke of Suffolk spent no more.
RODERICK
All right, five hundred guineas.
Roderick is seated at a large table, stacked high with bills and letters; his accountant is seated next to him, aided by a bookkeeper. Roderick looks at each bill and his accountant explains the charge.
RODERICK (V.O.)
The life I was leading was that of a happy man, but I was not happy.
Roderick, walking with big strides, leads Brookside by his ear. Little Patrick runs alongside, pleading for his brother.
PATRICK
Papa, please don't flog Brookside today. It wasn't his fault -really is wasn't.
Roderick ignores him.
RODERICK (V.O.)
By now, young Brookside was of so wild, savage, and insubordinate a nature that I never had the least regard for him. As he grew up to be a man, his hatred for me assumed an intensity quite wicked to think of and which, I promise you, I returned with interest.
He drags Brookside into his study, slamming the door behind him.
Roderick alone. Brookside enters with a pistol.
BROOKSIDE
(grinding his teeth)
Look you now, Mister Roderick James, from this moment on, I will submit to no further chastisement from you! Do you understand that?
RODERICK
Give me that pistol.
BROOKSIDE
Take heed, Mister James. I will shoot you if you lay hands on me now, or ever again. Is that entirely clear to you, sir?
Roderick stares hard at him, then he laughs and sits down.
RODERICK (V.O.)
I decided, at once, to give up that necessary part of his education. In truth, he then became the most violent, daring, disobedient, scapegrace, that ever caused an affectionate parent pain; he was certainly the most incorrigible.
Brookside smashing a chair over the head of his governor, Reverend Hunt.
RODERICK (V.O.)
Twice or thrice, Reverend Hunt attempted to punish my Lord Brookside; but I promise you the rogue was too strong for him, and leveled the Oxford man to the ground with a chair, greatly to the delight of little Patrick, who cried out: "Bravo, Brooksy! Thump him, thump him!"
Brookside and Patrick.
RODERICK (V.O.)
With the child, Brookside was, strange to say, pretty tractable. He took a liking to the little fellow -- I like him the more, he said, because he was "half a Cosgrove."
RODERICK (V.O.)
Another day, it was Patrick's birthday, we were giving a grand ball and gala at Hackton, and it was time for my Patrick to make his appearance among us.
There is a great crowding and tittering as the child comes in, led by his half-brother, who walks into the dancing-room in his stockinged feet, leading little Patrick by the hand, paddling about in the great shoes of the older.
BROOKSIDE
(very loudly)
Don't you think he fits my shoes very well, Sir Richard Wargrave?
Upon which, the company begins to look at each other and to titter, and his mother comes up to Lord Brookside with great dignity, seizes the child to her breast, and says:
COUNTESS
From the manner in which I love this child, my lord, you ought to know how I would have loved his elder brother, had he proved worthy of any mother's affection.
Brookside is stunned by his mother's words.
BROOKSIDE
Madam, I have borne as long as mortal could endure the ill-treatment of the insolent Irish upstart, whom you have taken into your bed. It is not only the lowness of his birth, and the general brutality of his manners which disgusts me, but the shameful nature of his conduct towards your ladyship, his brutal and ungentlemanlike behavior, his open infidelity, his habits of extravagance, intoxication, his shameless robberies and swindling of my property and yours. It is these insults to you which shock and annoy me more than the ruffian's infamous conduct to myself. I would have stood by your ladyship, as I promised, but you seem to have taken latterly your husband's part; and, as I cannot personally chastise this low-bred ruffian, who, to our shame be it spoken, is the husband of my mother, and as I cannot bear to witness his treatment of you, and loathe his horrible society as if it were the plague, I am determined to quit my native country, at least during his detested life, or during my own.