Peeling my gaze from her spectacular rack, I make eye contact with her again. I’m feeling quite pleased with myself, but that feeling doesn’t last long. The anger I see in her eyes is not what I’m expecting. When did she lose her sense of humour? I guess I should’ve known from past experience, when it comes to her, I’m playing with fire. Especially since she has five years of pent up anger towards me inside her.
This is one time I’m not anticipating her next move. So when it comes, I’m totally taken by surprise. She raises her right leg slightly and then, BOOM. She knees me fair smack in the nuts. Hard. Jesus fucking Christ.
All the air gushes from my lungs as pain radiates through my whole body. My dick goes instantly limp. Fuck, I think she just killed it. I’m pretty sure my boys are now lodged somewhere in my throat.
A feral, high-pitched sound escapes me as I fall to my knees in agony. “Stay the fuck away from me, arsehole,” she screams as she turns and runs inside.
Somebody call an ambulance. I think I’m gonna die.
CHAPTER TWO
Indiana
Tears threaten to fall as I storm down the hall towards my room, but I will them back down. I shed a lot of tears after he left, too many to count. I refuse to shed another. Fuck him.
Ripping my wet shirt over my head, I throw it across the room in anger before flopping face first onto my bed. He’s back. After all this time he’s come home. I don’t know how I feel about that. Actually, yes I do. I’m elated, devastated, and pissed off like you wouldn’t believe. Is it possible to feel so many emotions at the same time? I guess it is, because I’m feeling all of them right now.
I knew in my heart what I felt for him all those years ago was still lurking somewhere in the background. Hidden deep within the depths of my soul. Seeing him now has brought everything flooding back to the surface. It took me years to move on after he left. Fucking years.
I can’t go there again, I just can’t.
There was a time I would’ve done anything to see him again. Absolutely anything. But, he’s come back five years too late. I have Mark now. Next week we’ll be celebrating one year together. I care for him deeply. Maybe even love him. To be honest, I’m not sure. He’s already told me he loves me, but I can’t say it back. Not until I’m one hundred percent certain. Maybe because what I feel for him doesn’t hold a candle to what I once felt for Carter. I think that’s what’s throwing me.
Mark’s handsome, successful and hardworking, but he’s never been able to ignite the burning desire within like Carter could. Mark and I met at college. He chased me for months before I eventually gave in and agreed to go on a date with him. We’ve been together ever since. He’s the first guy I’ve been intimate with since Carter. I stayed clear of any kind of relationship after he left.
For years my shattered heart still belonged to him.
Finally, I gave in to the notion that he wasn’t coming back, so I decided I needed to at least try and love again. Mark’s a good guy. The total opposite to Carter. He’s definitely not what you’d call the bad boy type. He’s safe. Stable. Most importantly, he loves me. He’d never walk away from me. Never crush me the way Carter did all those years ago.
••••
I locked myself in my room for most of the morning. I wasn’t aware of what was going on next door until I finally surfaced. I had no idea Mr. Shepard had passed away during the night. That’s obviously the reason why Carter has returned. To be honest, I’m glad he’s dead. The way he treated his stepson and what he did to me after Carter left, I can’t say I’m upset about his passing.
“Elizabeth’s a mess,” my father says over lunch.
“I bet she is,” is my only reply.
“Carter came home this morning,” he adds giving me a strange look. I know he’s waiting to see my reaction. Well he’s not getting one.
“Yeah I know. I’ve already had the misfortune of running into him.” I take a bite of my sandwich so I don’t have to say anymore.
“You’re still angry after all these years?” he asks reaching across the table and placing his hand over mine. I sigh.
“No,” I lie. My dad cocks an eyebrow. I try to act like I’m unaffected, but I get the impression he can see straight through my facade. I divert my eyes and take another bite of my sandwich.
“Five years have passed, Pumpkin,” he says tightening his grip on my hand. “Maybe it’s time to let all that hurt and anger go. He may have been a little misguided in his thinking, but he did what he thought was best.” Does he think I haven’t tried to let this go? Tried to forget him? I know he had his reasons for leaving. I get that. In my eyes though, the way he went about it was wrong. The fact that I haven’t heard a word from him in five years cuts me to the core. I’m not sure if I can get past that.
“Can we change the subject, Daddy? I don’t want to talk about Carter Reynolds.”
“Fair enough. Let’s talk about the funeral then.” He gives me a weak smile before continuing. “I know how you feel about John, Indi,” he says. “I feel the same way. In saying that though, I think we should attend the funeral. For Elizabeth and Carter’s sake. As a sign of respect to them.” I roll my eyes. Going to that cocksucker’s funeral is the last thing I want to do.
“Fine,” I sigh. I don’t like that idea one bit, but I’ll go for Elizabeth’s sake. Nothing else. She’s a sweet lady. I’ll never understand what she saw in that jackass, but he was her husband, so I guess she’ll need all the support she can get.
••••
I’ve managed to evade Carter for the past two days. My emotions are still all over the place since seeing him again. I’ve spent the last two nights at Mark’s house which is something I rarely do, but it was the only way I could avoid running into him.
Thankfully, work’s been flat out, so during the day I haven’t had time to think about anything else. To think about him. The guy that crushed my heart.
Today is Mr. Shepard’s funeral, so avoiding him isn’t going to be an option. That’s if Carter even attends. I know how he felt about his stepfather. We share a loathing for him. I’m pretty sure he’ll be there for his mother though. It’s the only reason my dad and I are going.
“You look lovely, Pumpkin,” my father says smiling when I walk into the kitchen. For funeral attire, I suppose I look okay. I’m wearing a knee-length, black fitted pencil skirt, a short sleeve black silk blouse and black heels. My long, dark hair is pulled into a tight bun on the top of my head.
“Thanks, Dad. You look nice, too,” I reply as I walk towards him and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. He looks handsome in his black suit. I’m sure he has a lot of lady admirers. I understand how much he loved my mum, but I wish he could let go of the past. It’s been sixteen years since her death. It’s time he started to live again.
I’m concerned about him going today. I hope it doesn’t bring up memories of my mum’s funeral. Things are still hard for him. Well, the fact that he continues to lock himself away those two days every year, tells me they are.
There’s a black car parked in next door’s driveway when we leave. I feel sick in the stomach on the drive to the crematorium. Not about the funeral, but about seeing Carter. I feel like a fraud going to the funeral of someone I hate. I’ll never be able to find it in my heart to forgive him for what he did. Never.
Once we park the car, dad and I head over to the chapel. We mill around outside with the others. All of ten people I might add. I guess being the world’s biggest prick meant he didn’t have many friends.