“It’s had its ups and downs,” I answer with a shrug. His eyes lock with mine. The look I see on his face is so intense I have to turn away, taking a huge gulp of my wine. I’m not sure if I can have this conversation with him. It’s funny; for years I longed for him to return, and now he’s here, I wish he wasn’t.
“How’s my man, Larry?” he asks, breaking the awkward silence. My heart sinks. He hasn’t been around, so I guess he doesn’t know. “Would you mind if I went to see him? I’ve thought about him a lot over the years.” Just hearing him ask that has tears rising to my eyes. I quickly lower my face so he can’t see them.
What I wouldn’t give to see Lassie again. Reaching up, I grab hold of the necklace Carter bought me, clutching it in my hand. I took it off after he left, but when Lassie passed I put it back on. The necklace and the picture Carter drew are all I have left.
“He died,” I choke out. Even after all these years it still breaks my heart whenever I think about him. When I think about what happened.
“What?” he says in a tone that makes me think he doesn’t believe what I said. I wish I was lying. My eyes move back to Carter’s. Even through my tears I can clearly see the colour drain from his face. “Fuck,” is all he says as he puts down his beer and engulfs me in his arms. I go willingly, burying my face in his chest. “What happened? He was still young … so healthy.” A sob escapes me as the memories of that morning flash through my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that day.
“It was all my fault,” I admit for the first time ever. I’ve always known I was the reason behind Lassie’s death, but I’ve kept that to myself all these years. The truth was just too hard to live with. I’m ashamed that my childish actions were the result of his death.
“What? How?” he asks in disbelief as his hand strokes my back to comfort me. I can feel his body trembling as he holds me. I know he loved Lassie as much as I did, so I’m sure he’ll be upset by my news. For some reason I don’t hesitate to tell him the truth, it’s time I confessed.
I keep my face buried in his chest. I can’t bring myself to look at him. I don’t want to see the judgement in his eyes when he hears what I have to say. “After you left, I was so angry with your stepfather. I knew in my heart he was part of the reason you went away. Every day, for weeks, I threw Lassie’s droppings over the back fence into his yard. It was my revenge. My way of saying ‘fuck you’ for the way he treated you when you were here. At the time it felt so good. I knew it would piss him off, I just didn’t know how much.” I feel his body stiffen.
“Did he do something to him?” he asks, grasping my shoulders and pulling me back so he could see my face. Yes he did. Fucking arsehole. I hope he rots in hell.
“Yes,” I choke out as memories of that morning flood my mind. I can clearly see the anger cross his handsome features when I admit that. He stares at me for a moment before pulling me back into his chest.
“What did he fucking do?” he seethes through gritted teeth.
“One morning, I went out back to feed Lassie before school, as I always did. That’s … that’s when I found him,” I say as fresh tears begin to fall. God I wish I could erase that image from my mind. “He was fitting in his bed. There was green foam coming from his mouth. He was struggling to breathe. Oh, Carter. It was horrible,” I cry as his hold on me tightens. “I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head.”
“Fuck. Did he poison him?” His body is clearly shaking with anger now.
“Yes. He poisoned him with snail bait. It’s something we never used in our gardens because we knew how toxic it was for dogs. The amount of poison the vet found in his system suggested he’d ingested a large amount. An autopsy showed traces of minced meat that must’ve contained the pellets to entice Lassie to eat it.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“By the time we got him to the vet it was too late. He was too far gone,” I continue.
“Did he get charged for what he did? My mum never mentioned it in our phone calls.”
“My dad tried. We couldn’t prove it was him, but we both knew it was. We took a sample from his garden. It was the same type that was used to poison Lassie. Unfortunately, it’s a commonly used brand, so without any concrete evidence there wasn’t much we could do.” Tears are streaming down my face as I feel my heart break all over again. I miss him so much. He didn’t deserve to die like that. He was a good dog.
“I’m fucking sorry,” Carter says squeezing me to him. “So fucking sorry. That must’ve been a hard thing to see. I know how much you loved that dog. Fuck. If that motherfucker wasn’t already dead, I’d make him suffer for what he did.” His tone tells me he means every word. That’s exactly how I felt when it happened.
When Mr. Shepard pulled into the driveway that afternoon after work, my dad marched straight over there and punched him square in the mouth. It would never make up for what he did, but it gave us some satisfaction.
CHAPTER THREE
Carter
Shattered. There’s no other word to describe how I’m feeling right now. I’m lost for words. I loved that dog. If I’d known what Fuckwit had done before today, I would’ve spat on that fucker’s coffin. How did I not know? Why didn’t Ross tell me? I guess it was his way of looking out for me. That’s the only thing that makes sense. I’m sure he knows that I wouldn’t have let this slide so telling me would’ve only landed me in trouble.
My heart is hurting for her. I want to comfort her any way I can. Having her in my arms again is amazing. Best feeling ever, but I hate the reasons behind it. I wish I could’ve done something to stop this from happening. She blames herself, but ultimately the blame lies on me. I’m the one who left. I’m the one he hated. I’m the one who caused her to lash out like she did.
Poor fucking Larry.
I continue to hold her long after the tears have stopped. If she’s content to be in my arms, then that’s exactly where she’s going to stay. I’ve fucking missed holding her. She’s were she’s supposed to be. I don’t know why she makes me feel things the others can’t, but fuck me she does. A kaleidoscope of fucking emotions would be the best way to describe it.
I have an overwhelming compulsion to kiss her. Kiss all her sadness away. But, I can’t do that. I’m leaving in a few days. I can’t start something that’s going to end the minute I drive away and return to my new life. That wouldn’t be fair on either of us. Our past has already messed me up enough. I’m worried what would happen if I went there again. Nothing good could come from it, that’s for fucking sure. Only more heartache.
“Hey. I was wondering where you two got to,” her father says from behind us. Indi pulls away from me with a start, like she’s been busted doing something she shouldn’t. What the hell! I’m sure the look I give her is one of utter confusion. Tearing my eyes from her, I look over my shoulder at Ross. “Is everything alright out here?” He has a huge smile on his face. I guess he’s happy seeing us together.
“Yes, Daddy,” she replies, standing and tugging at her skirt at the same time. “I’m going to go home if that’s okay. I have a headache.” She doesn’t look at either of us when she speaks.
“Okay. I’ll be home shortly, Pumpkin.”
Before walking away she meets my eyes briefly. “Bye,” is all she says as she turns heading towards her place. I’m left sitting here stunned.
••••
Later, after all the guests have left, and my mum’s lying down, I head to my bedroom. I hate being back in this house. I never intended to come back here, but in saying that, I also never thought I’d feel as uncomfortable as I do. Even with him gone, it’s still his house so I fucking hate it.
Indi and Larry are both on my mind as I sit on the side of my bed, burying my face in my hands. I wish there was a way I could make this right, but there isn’t. I hate to think what she would’ve gone through finding Larry the way she did. And how much she would’ve suffered after that. How he fucking suffered.