“Here, have a drink.” She raises her hand to take it from me and I notice she’s shaking. She’s been doing a lot of that lately. She’s probably got low blood sugars from the lack of food. “Let me,” I offer as I move it towards her mouth. Seeing her lips wrap around the bottle, doesn’t even make my dick stir.
We haven’t been intimate for over two weeks. She’s asked, no practically begged, but I can’t do it. Don’t get me wrong. I want to. I want to more than anything. I fucking miss that connection with her. But, she’s so weak … so fragile. Not only does she need to conserve her energy just to do menial things, like get around, I’m scared I’m gonna break her, or hurt her. I can’t risk that at the moment.
We’ll get back there. I have every confidence. The day I can sink my cock into that heavenly pussy of hers again, is gonna be one sweet day I can tell you. But for now, the most important thing is seeing her well again.
“How about I go to the fish market after work and get some of those fresh prawns you love? I can make you a nice prawn salad for dinner.” My hopefully eyes search hers. I’m becoming desperate. I’ve noticed she can’t really seem to stomach the stir-fries I’ve been making. Anything too saucy seems to make her nausea intensify.
“Sounds great,” she answers reaching for my hand and giving it a weak squeeze. I know my client is waiting downstairs, but he’s gonna have to wait. My girl comes first. I sit on the side of the bed until I get half the sandwich into her, and most of the water. When she tells me she’s had enough, I lay her back down and tuck the sheets up around her neck. “I’ll be back in about an hour.” I gently place my lips against hers. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she replies smiling. “Thanks for taking such good care of me.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I want to take care of you.” I pick her phone up off the bedside table and place it on the pillow by her head. “Call me if you need anything in the meantime.”
“Okay.” I bend down and place a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Look after our girl while I’m gone, boy,” I tell LJ, ruffling his fur before I turn and leave.
••••
We leave early Monday morning to be back in Sydney in time for Indi’s next session of radiation. Sunday’s have quickly become my favourite day. Not only do I get to spend the entire day with her, but it’s the one day of the week that she’s closest to being her old self and well enough to leave the house. Those few days rest from the radiation really seem to make a difference.
Last night I even rugged her up and carried her across the road to the beach. She tried to fight me, insisting she could walk, but I wouldn’t hear of it. We ended up compromising on a piggyback instead. It’s amazing how many stars you can see in the sky at night when you live close to the ocean. I’d never really noticed until I went back to Sydney and looked up at the sky. I guess the pollution from the city doesn’t help.
I wanted her to experience it, so I laid a blanket on the sand and took an extra one to place over her so she was warm. Her immune system is so low right now. She can’t afford to get sick.
We laid on the soft sand for hours, wrapped in each other’s arms, looking up at the sky talking and laughing and even making out occasionally. It was just like old times.
Although the making out part was wonderful, it wasn’t a great idea. The longer I go without having her, the harder I’m finding it to deny myself. She practically begged me to make love to her under the stars. Saying no was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
She was clearly upset by my knockback. Doesn’t she realise how hard this is for me? How much I want her? I hate denying her of anything, so I eventually relented and slipped my hand down the front of her pants and brought her undone with my fingers.
Hearing her little whimpers and feeling her come against my hand almost had me caving. I wanted inside her so bad, but I held strong. As soon as she’s well again, I’m gonna tie her to my bed and fuck her until we both pass out. That she can be certain of.
I couldn’t stop smiling by the time we headed back to the apartment, neither could she. It was exactly what we both needed. My heart felt so much lighter.
Now we’re back to where we started. I hate what this fucking radiation is doing to her. On our way back to Ross’ house, I had to pull over to the side of the road twice so she could vomit. After I carried her into the house and placed her in bed, I laid down with her until she fell asleep before getting up and heading over to my mum’s. I needed a little time out. Sadly though, what I found when I got there had me wishing I’d stayed in bed with Indiana.
As soon as I entered the house, I found my mum with her face buried in her hands, sobbing. Christ. I thought she was improving. I drop my keys onto the table by the entry, immediately making my way to her. “Mum,” I say concerned, sitting beside her and draping my arm around her shoulder. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Oh, Carter,” she cries burying her face into my chest.
“What’s going on?” I can’t stand to see her like this.
“I just got off the phone with a private investigator. My father died.” What the fuck? Her father died and she’s crying? Why that pisses me off, I can’t say. Yes I can. After the way he treated her, treated me …
“And that upsets you? Why?” I ask a little angrier than anticipated.
“Despite everything, he was my father, Carter.” Father my arse. That’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard. Not only did he kick his daughter out of her home when she was nineteen, pregnant, and had nowhere else to go, he ruined my life. His only grandchild. “I just hoped that one day we’d be able to make amends. Now that’s never going to happen.”
“I’m sorry, Mum, but he was an arsehole. He treated us both like shit.”
“I know,” she sniffles wiping the tears from her eyes. “My mum wants me to get in contact with her. She hired an investigator after my father died, to track me down. He’s given me her contact details.”
“Are you going to contact her?” She doesn’t even hesitate with her answer.
“Of course.” It instantly gets my back up. “She was nothing like my father,” she says in her defence.
“Well, where has she been for the last twenty-five years of your life?” I practically scream as I stand. I feel bad when I see her flinch, but I can’t seem to control the anger that rages inside me. “If you want to do this, then you’re on your own. I want nothing to do with her.”
“Carter,” she calls out to my retreating back as I storm towards my bedroom. I’m not sure why this has made me so angry. Maybe my nerves are just frazzled from everything I’m going through with Indi. Maybe it’s something else.
As I sit on the side of my bed and bury my face in my hands, memories of that day flash through my mind. Why did you bring that little bastard here? Get him out of here. Don’t you ever bring him here again. It’s funny, it’s been nineteen years, but it’s still as fresh in my memory like it happened yesterday. I hate that motherfucker. I’m glad he’s dead. He ruined my fucking life and broke my mother’s heart. That may be harsh, but that’s exactly how I feel.
“Carter,” my mum says knocking on my bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I reply. I shouldn’t be mad at her. She’s the biggest victim in all of this. They were her parents. They let her down when she needed them most. “I’m sorry, Mum,” I say, making eye contact with her when she comes and sits beside me on the bed.
“You have nothing to be sorry about sweetheart.” Her voice is soft when she speaks. She raises her hand and gently rubs it over my back. “You’re right. He did a number on both of us. My mother was nothing like him though. You need to understand he was very controlling. She had no say in any of this. She was devastated when he kicked me out. She tried to reason with him, but he wouldn’t listen. He never did. He was very stubborn. The day I left the house, she broke down. She handed me an envelope that contained two thousand dollars. She’d been saving money over the years without my father’s knowledge. She also gave me some of her jewellery to sell if I needed more money. It wasn’t much, but it was all she had. It helped me get by until I could find a job. It gave me a place to stay and food to survive. Without that, I would’ve ended up on the street.”