“My baby,” she cries. “I’ve waited way too long to see your beautiful face again.” She starts to sob as my mum engulfs her in her arms and starts to cry as well. A lump forms in my throat as I stand here and watch them together. Although I still wish I wasn’t here, my heart sings for my mum. This is the kind of reunion I guess she’d hope for when we came here all those years ago.
Why I’m still expecting this meeting to turn sour when my grandmother notices me, I’m not sure. A few minutes later they release each other, and my grandmother takes a step back, cupping my mum’s face in her frail hands. “Let me look at you,” she says smiling widely. I notice she has kind eyes. They’re nothing like the mean ones my grandfather had. “You’re still as beautiful as I remember. I’ve missed you so much, Lizzy.” She leans forward and peppers tiny kisses all over her face.
“I’ve missed you too Mumma,” my mum whispers as she wipes her tears away with the back of her hand. “This is Carter,” she adds, and my grandmother’s gaze moves to me. “Your grandson.” I swear my heart stops beating when she tears her eyes away from my mum and looks up at me. Instead of the angry scowl my grandfather gave me when I was last here, she smiles a beautiful smile before wrapping her arms around my waist. I just stand there, unmoving. My arms are still planted by my side. I’m frozen.
“I’ve been waiting twenty-four years to meet you,” she cries softly into my chest. “I’ve prayed for this day for so long. Not a day has passed that I haven’t thought about you—haven’t loved you.” The lump in my throat grows, and I have to fight back the tears that threaten to fall. She loves me.
Although this is the kind of reunion I’d hoped for, no, dreamt about, for some reason I’m still sceptical. I’m still waiting for everything to turn ugly. “Let me look at you,” she says stepping back. “Look how handsome you are,” she smiles as her hand reaches up and gently caresses the side of my face. My mum was right … she’s nothing like my grandfather.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Indiana
Once I eat as much fruit as I can stomach, I head to the bathroom to have a shower while my dad makes a start on dinner. I hate that I can’t help, but my stupid body is so weak from the treatment. It’s a struggle to stand on my feet for too long. I can’t wait until this is over and I can get back to normal. On a positive note, my headaches seem to have lessened, so it gives me hope that the treatment is working. I pray it is, because I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.
I sit on the stupid plastic seat that my dad has placed in the shower recess. I fucking hate that I have to sit on this damn thing because I’m too weak to stand for that long. It makes me feel like some kind of invalid. In the beginning Carter helped me shower, but I soon put a stop to that. He’s been doing so much. So much. He never stops. If I can lighten his load in any way, I will.
Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t seem to mind, but he’s taken on the world since offering to care for me during my treatment. He won’t let anyone help. I love that he wants to do this, and I’ll be forever grateful, but I can see it’s starting to take its toll on him as well. It worries me.
As I let the warm water cascade over my tired, aching body, he’s on my mind. He hasn’t been himself the past few days. Sure he plasters on a smile whenever he’s around me, but when he doesn’t realise I’m watching him, I clearly see the worry etched on his handsome face. I’m gonna have a heart-to-heart with him when he gets home.
When I get out of the shower, I wrap myself in a towel and make my way into my bedroom. LJ follows close behind me. He was sitting outside the bathroom when I opened the door. He hasn’t left my side since the treatment started. I guess he can sense things aren’t right with me.
Opening my underwear drawer, the first thing I see is a note sitting on top. Ugh! I can already tell by the handwriting it’s from Carter.
I can and I will. YOU ARE MINE! If you want to get your rocks off, you know where to find me, beautiful!!!
I should be pissed with him, but I’m not. Instead, I laugh. I don’t even need to look. I know my vibrator is gone. I miss being intimate with him so much. I know he thinks what he’s doing is for the best, maybe he’s right, but I need that connection with him again. I hate that we’re wasting time apart. We don’t know how much time we have left.
When I’m dressed, I lie down on the bed. It shits me that a simple shower has drained me of all the energy I had. I want the old me back. I want to be well again.
Cancer fucking sucks.
••••
My eyes slowly open when I feel the bed dip and two strong arms wrap around me. He’s home. It brings a smile to my face. Rolling over to face him, I brush my lips against his when his beautiful chocolate eyes meet mine. “Hey, handsome,” I say smiling.
“Hey, beautiful.” The breathtaking smile he gives me melts my heart. I love seeing him happy like this. Reaching up, I run my hand gently down the side of his face.
“How did your mum’s appointment go?”
“Well a lot better than I expected. I didn’t tell you this before because I didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily, but we actually went to see my grandmother.” What?
“Shut up. You did not,” I screech. It’s not that I don’t believe him; I’m just shocked that’s all.
“We did,” he chuckles. He goes to elaborate, but I cut him off.
“What? How? And why is this the first I’m hearing of it?” I inquire, reaching over and pinching his side. I can’t believe he kept this from me.
“Ouch,” he laughs, rubbing his ribcage. “If you let me get a word in, I’ll tell you. He turns over on his side so we’re facing each other, encircling his arm around my waist.
He tells me everything. From the private investigator, to the uncertainty of going there, and the joy he felt when he was greeted with open arms. He looks so happy and carefree, like a huge weight has been lifted from him. It warms my heart.
“My mum was right,” he continues. “She’s nothing like my grandfather. She had no idea that we’d come to the house all those years ago. My grandfather never told her. She was heartbroken when she found out.” I don’t say anything. I just listen. “I’ve never seen my mum so happy, Indi. She was beaming all the way home. You should’ve seen her.” I don’t need to. I bet it’s the same look I’m seeing right now on his face.
“I’m so glad you all finally got to make peace with what happened,” I say, cupping his cheek in my hand. “Are you going to see her again?”
“Of course,” he replies without hesitation. “She wants to meet you too. You’re going to love her, babe. She’s just like an older version of my mum. She’s so sweet.” I smile as I lean forward and place my lips on his. The pure excitement in his voice is infectious. I’m thrilled this has happened. I know what his grandfather did, has haunted him for the last nineteen years. I hope this meeting has given him some kind of peace. He deserves that. He’s carried the scars of that day around for too long.
“I can’t wait to meet her too,” I tell him, because I can’t.
••••
By the time we arrive back at Newcastle Thursday afternoon, I’m feeling dreadful. Yesterday was a good day, but today is certainly making up for it. I usually sleep on my way up here, but we had to pull over seven times so I could be sick. Well, dry reach, because that’s about all I did. I lost the contents of my stomach before we even left Sydney.
Carter is almost beside himself by the time we arrive. The worry he bears is clearly written all over his face. “I think I’m gonna get Justine to cancel all of my appointments for the rest of the afternoon,” he says when he carries me into the bedroom. I hate that he has to carry me everywhere. Today I’m probably too weak to walk up those stairs, but even when I’m not he insists on doing it.