Honestly, I feel a lot better. They have me on a drip, which has helped immensely. Apparently I was severely dehydrated from all the vomiting.
Guilt consumes me as I lay here watching Carter. He looks so tired, so worn out. I wish he’d go home and get some decent sleep in a real bed, but when I asked him to earlier, he refused. I’m grateful to have him. He’s been amazing. We’ve only been together for just over a month. The majority of that has been taken up by my illness. It’s so unfair. This has really taken its toll on him.
I love how he’s stepped up and taken on the role of caring for me, even though he never signed up for this. Most people in his position would’ve bailed weeks ago. Not him. He’s a great guy and hasn’t complained once, but it worries me. I hate that I’m putting through this.
“Carter … Carter,” I say, reaching my hand out to shake him. He stirs on the chair before opening his eyes.
“Shit. Is everything okay?” he asks, rubbing his hands over his face as he stands. He’s on edge. That makes me feel worse.
“Everything is fine,” I reply reaching for his hand. “Why don’t you go home and get a good night sleep? That chair can’t be comfortable.”
“I’m not leaving you, Indi.” I sigh at his stubbornness. After our earlier conversation, I know I’m not going to win this one. Shuffling over and tapping the bed beside me, I smile up at him.
“Come lie with me then.” His lips turn up before he slips off his shoes and climbs into bed with me. I lift my head slightly so he can slide his arm underneath my neck. I roll onto my side and snuggle into his chest.
“I love you, Carter,” I whisper.
“I love you too, babe,” he replies as he kisses the top of my head.
I don’t know what to do. I spoke with my dad on the phone earlier. He wanted to come up, but he said Carter didn’t want that. I don’t like that he feels so responsible for me, because he’s not.
Maybe I need to go home. Even if it’s just for a few weeks, until the treatment is complete. Carter needs his rest. He’s been wonderful, but he’s done more than his fair share. It’s time I gave him a break. I’ve disrupted his life enough.
Carter
“Are you okay, man?” Marcus asks as I prepare his arm for the tattoo. “You don’t seem yourself today.”
“Yeah,” I admit, exhaling as my eyes briefly meet his. “I’ve just got some personal shit going on.” I hate that I’m down here working and Indi’s upstairs on her own. She insisted I work today. I made her promise me if she needed to get up, for whatever reason, she’d call me straight away. It’s the only way I agreed to her demands.
“Sorry to hear that, mate,” he replies giving me a sympathetic smile. “You’re not gonna fuck up my tattoo are ya? I’ve never seen you like this. You keep spacing out … and frankly, you look like shit man.” I give him a half-hearted chuckle. I feel like shit too.
“I’m not gonna fuck up your tattoo,” I snap. Well I fucking hope I don’t. Get yourself together Reynolds. No more words are spoken as I start working on his arm. I’m not getting into my personal crap with my clients. That’s not how I roll. I’ve always been a private person. I do need to pull my shit together though. This whole situation is taking its toll on me. On all of us.
It kills me to see her so sick. I know this treatment is going to make her better in the long run, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. I even pulled the doctor aside at the hospital this morning and explained the situation to him while she was in the shower. He assured me that everything she is going through is normal.
Nothing about this seems normal to me.
Thankfully, I get through this job without fucking it up. When I follow Marcus out to the front desk, my phone rings in my pocket. My heart races for some reason. I’m on edge after everything that happened yesterday, I guess.
Pulling it out I see Ross’ name flashing on the screen. He’s probably just checking up to see how Indi is doing. “Hi, Ross,” I say.
“Hi, son. I just got a call from Indi. She wants me to come and get her. What in the hell is going on?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Indiana
After getting off the phone with my dad, I get my suitcase out of the wardrobe and place it on the bed. My heart is heavy, but I know I’m doing the right thing. I hope Carter understands. It’s going to take my dad a few hours to drive up here, but I want to be organised when he arrives. If I get it done now, it will give me extra time to spend with Carter before I leave.
As I open one of the drawers, I hear the front door slam before Carter comes barreling into the bedroom. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he screams, making me jump. Shit he knows. Turning to face him, I can clearly see he’s hurt. My dad must’ve called him. Damn him. That’s the last thing I wanted. I would’ve liked a chance to explain it to Carter myself. I’m furious with my dad for interfering.
“It’s not what you think, Carter.” I speak in a soft, calming voice as I walk towards him.
“You’re leaving me?” is all he says, exhaling as his shoulders slump. The look on his face is one of complete devastation. It breaks my heart.
“I’m not leaving you, Carter. I’m just going home for a few days to give you a break. I’m worried about you. You’re not eating or sleeping properly. I’m interrupting your work … your life. I hate that you’re constantly worrying about me. I’m responsible for everything you’re going through. It would be selfish of me to stay under those circumstances.” I’m trying to reassure him as I speak. My arms reach out to him, but he pushes them away and steps back.
“You think I’m gonna worry any less when you’re two fucking hours away?” he yells, making me flinch. He’s never spoken to me so harshly before. The anger is rolling off him. When his hands thread through his hair, tears rise to my eyes. This is not how I wanted this to go down.
“You don’t need to do this, Carter. You didn’t sign on for this, I get that. I know what type of man you are. I know you’d never walk away, even if you wanted to. I’m giving you an easy out here.”
His hand reaches for me, roughly wrapping his fingers around the top of my arm as he forcefully tugs me towards him. “Listen to me,” he snarls, getting up in my face. “I’m gonna say this once and once only. I fucking love you, Indiana. For better or for worse. I don’t want a fucking out. Do you hear me? Don’t you dare make decisions based on what you think is best for me. Don’t you fucking dare.”
“I ... I,” is all I manage to get out. I can no longer hold the tears at bay as they freely flow down my cheeks. His face drops as soon as he notices them. He quickly lets go of my arm, pulling me into a crushing embrace.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers in a much calmer voice, “but you’re not fucking going anywhere, Indiana. That’s final.”
“I feel like I’m dragging you down with me. I don’t want to do that,” I cry into his chest. This whole situation is just too much. Pulling back from me, he cups my face in his hands. The anger that was in his eyes a few moments ago is now gone.
“You could never drag me down, babe. You’re my sunshine. Don’t you see that? Even with everything going on, you still brighten my day. I’d be fucking lost without you here.” He pulls me into him again, practically crushing me. “I promised you right from the beginning that we were in this together, and I meant every word. Please don’t leave. I need you here with me.”
When he finally let’s go, he grabs my hand and drags me towards the bed. He sits on the side of the mattress and pulls me down onto his lap, wrapping me in his arms. “We’re not leaving here until we sort this shit out,” he demands.
••••
We sat there for over an hour until everything was out in the open. I agreed to stay on the condition he pull back a bit, and stop letting my illness take over his life. Reluctantly he agreed. When I told him I needed to call my dad and tell him not to come, he said, “Don’t bother. I’ve already told him you’re staying.” Ugh! Presumptuous arse. I called my dad anyway, reassuring him that everything was okay.