Raine knew me so well, it frightened me. Whereas she used to press for more answers, she was now quick with yes-or-no questions I could answer without speaking, and she knew when to give me a little mental space. Eventually I’d tell her what the dream was about, and she knew that.
Still, even when I heard her reasons, sometimes it didn’t make the feeling of inadequacy go away. Maybe it was all from the lack of affection during my fucked up childhood, like Raine thought, or maybe it was because the one man who did offer me any kind of parental connection was also the man who taught me how to be a killer—a damn good one.
Maybe it was because I missed being a killer.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered to Raine as my throat and mouth went dry. “I want a drink so fucking bad.”
“I know, baby,” she replied, “but you’re stronger than that.”
I closed my eyes a moment and shook my head vigorously.
“Only on the outside.” I met her eyes again. “You have more strength inside than I do.”
She moved her fingers into my hair and brushed it away from my sweaty forehead.
“You have more than you know,” she said. “You work at it every day, and every day you get stronger on the inside too.”
Everything in my head wanted to deny it. I didn’t feel strong. I just felt like drinking or fucking.
“I wanna fuck you,” I said. I saw the little twinge in her eye at the phrase but couldn’t bring myself to regret it.
“Always so crass,” she muttered.
I fought with my head for a way to explain.
“When I’m inside you, everything changes,” I told her. “It’s not about getting my dick wet; it’s about being so close to you that I can feel your strength in me. When I feel your arms on my back, and you hold me against you, that’s when I feel strong.”
Raine’s eyes softened and glistened a little. She ran her fingers over my jaw lightly as her eyes moved back and forth between mine. I wasn’t sure if she got it or if it made up for me being the crude asshole that I was, and just when I figured I couldn’t even make sense to myself, let alone her, she spoke.
“Fuck me, Bastian,” Raine said. “Hard.”
Without hesitation, I moved to straddle her. Pulling her up by her shoulders, I reached behind her head and pulled her mouth to mine. Our tongues touched with a frantic pace, and I wanted nothing more than to devour her. She gripped the back of my neck, holding my mouth to hers as she returned the kiss with as much passion as I gave her.
I couldn’t wait any longer.
Rising up on my knees, I pulled Raine into my lap. She reached down and angled my cock towards her opening, and I lifted her up and then slammed her down on it. She leaned backwards, and I held the small of her back with one hand while the other moved up to caress her breasts.
She moaned, and I thumbed her nipple as she worked herself up and down on my cock. Her skin was so soft on the palm of my hand, and I stroked each breast before reaching back around and grabbing her ass with both hands.
I took over, bringing her up and slamming her back down over and over again until sweat covered both of us. Raine’s breath covered the skin of my chest and shoulder as she held my biceps to try to keep her balance.
As if I would ever let her fall.
Our eyes met through a lusty haze, and I had no words for the emotions spreading through my body. There was want and need; there was love, but there was also so much more. Looking at her was like gazing into the eyes of an angel—a guardian angel—one who was sent from heaven just to save my sorry soul.
Raine’s cries echoed through the small bedroom, bouncing off the walls and ceiling, and creating the most enticing music to my ears. Laying her back down on the mattress, I grabbed her knee and pulled it up against my hip as I lay over the top of her and continued.
She wrapped her legs around me and dug her heels into my backside. The pressure from her lower embrace was more than enough to increase my pace to a furious pounding. My cock plunged in and out of her with long, hard strokes.
I panted with each penetration and gripped her ass and back as I drove home with each thrust of my hips. I dropped my forehead to her shoulder as my gut began to quiver, and my balls constricted. The tingling continued, built up, and exploded through my cock and into her body as I let out an incoherent cry.
Finally satiated, I slowed and eventually stilled, collapsing on top of her and trying to catch my breath. Raine’s legs tightened around my waist, and her arms gripped my shoulders. Pressing my lips to her neck in silent thanks, I rolled us both to our sides.
“You are my world,” I whispered against her skin. “I can survive anything as long as I have you with me.”
My storm was calmed. At least for now, I closed my eyes and slept without dreams.
Chapter Two
The life raft is behind me, and the rope is wrapped tightly around my wrist. I reach out for the dark hair floating in the water, but I can’t quite grasp it. Someone’s suitcase floats in front of me, and I shove it out of the way. I can’t see her anymore. She’s slipped under the waves, and it’s so dark, I can’t find her…
I woke gasping for air, but the warmth of the tiny body next to mine was enough to remind me where I was. I tightened my fingers around Raine’s T-shirt for a moment and tucked my face into her hair to breathe in her scent. It calmed me a little.
Initially.
It wasn’t enough.
Not wanting to wake her yet again, I pushed myself out of bed and moved into the living room. I found a pack of cigarettes on the table next to the couch and headed out to the balcony. I smoked two down to the filters before I managed to calm myself enough to get the worst of the images out of my head. Leaning back in the patio chair, I closed my eyes and inhaled the nighttime sea breeze.
It didn’t feel right to sit in a chair, so I got off of it and sat on the mat by the door. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around my knees. With my eyes closed again, I listened to the surf and told myself that none of the fucked up shit in my head was real.
The real part was sleeping in the next room.
Reminding myself that being with her was more important than anything else, I pushed off the balcony floor and went inside. I crawled back into bed and wrapped my arms around my Raine. I held her back against my chest and tossed my leg around her thighs. With her pretty much trapped underneath me, safe from dark waves, I finally relaxed. I didn’t get back to sleep at all, but focusing on her body lying beneath mine was enough to get me through the night.
Breakfast, however, was a disaster.
“We’re out of milk,” Raine announced. “We also need dinner stuff for tonight. I was hoping you would grill out.”
“Sure,” I said over the rim of my coffee cup. Black coffee, nothing added to it. I tried to forget the way it tasted with half the mug full of Kahlua as I thought about Raine’s friends coming to dinner. They were coming from Hollywood for the evening to celebrate Lindsay’s success at work, and grilling meant less talking to Nick Sinclair, Lindsay’s boyfriend.
“Steak, then?”
“Sure,” I said again. I tried not to show how much it pissed me off that our Friday, usually the only night of the week Raine didn’t spend on homework, was going to be invaded by those two.
“Can you get to the store today?” Raine asked. “I have a study group after class, and they’ll be here around six.”
“Will you make a list?” I looked up at her expectantly and found myself completely distracted by the way her hair moved as she turned her head to look at me. She’d blown it dry this morning, and it was perfectly smooth. I wanted to run my hands through it. I wanted to wrap it around my wrist and hold her down on the bed while I rammed…