The reason she fell head over heels for this man adored by adolescent girls to middle-aged women alike may have been pretty simple. After all, he was handsome and intelligent, cheerful and considerate—basically the kind of ideal man you hardly believed existed. On top of that, he apparently didn’t even have a girlfriend.
Kayoko had two important encounters with this man, although from someone else’s perspective they might not have seemed all that special.
The first one occurred at the tea school’s demonstration ceremony the spring she became a second-year junior high school student. The ceremony was held at the headmaster’s home in Shido-cho near Shiroiwa-cho. Almost immediately after the event began, there was a problem. A special guest, the central government’s regional cultural representative, suddenly began complaining about the tea ceremony. It wasn’t the first time. They were government officials who announced their “absolute loyalty to preserve the nation’s absolute sanctity,” but many of them in fact abused their power. Some would even request kickbacks in return for arranging increased national traditional arts funding which the headmaster would politely refuse, so this could have been a way to get back at them by stirring up trouble.
The problem was that the headmaster was absent because he was hospitalized. The heir who substituted for the headmaster and his heir were both so completely intimidated their incompetence could have led to the school being shut down. But the nineteen-year-old master saved the day. He took the belligerent official to another room, then returned alone and said, “The official has left. He seems satisfied now, so there’s no need to worry, everyone.”
He said no more, and the attending established members of the school also refrained from inquiring any further. As a result the rest of the ceremony proceeded smoothly. But Kayoko was concerned. Knowing him, he could very well have assumed full responsibility, saying something like, “I am in charge of today’s ceremony,” and if that were true then the official could get back at him by concocting a report and arranging his arrest for being a malign influence against the government (and as a result sending him to one of those “reeducation camps”).
After the ceremony came to an end with no further interruptions, they began to clean up the area, and she waited for him to be alone. When he went to move the seat cushions, she decided to call on him.
“Sir…”
He stopped, still holding the cushions, and elegantly turned around towards Kayoko. His sad eyes made Kayoko’s heart race, but she managed to continue, “Is everything all right, sir?”
He seemed to understand what she was getting at and broke into a smile. Then he said, “I appreciate your concern. It’s all right though.” Her concern was suddenly eclipsed by the thrill she felt in having her first real conversation with him.
“B-but that government official looked so mean. What if—”
He stopped Kayoko and said something sophisticated, as if admonishing her. “That official doesn’t necessarily get a kick out of doing what he does. I’m sure this kind of thing happens all over the world. But the way this country is, it twists people. We’re supposed to strive for harmony and that’s what the art of tea is supposed to accomplish… but it is very, very difficult to achieve in this country.” Near the end, he almost seemed to be addressing himself. Then he looked back at Kayoko and continued, “Tea ceremony is powerless. But it’s also not such a bad thing either. You should enjoy it while you can.” He smiled kindly, turned, and proceeded to walk away.
Kayoko was in a daze and stood still for a while. The unpretentious way he talked made her feel at ease… and even though she didn’t completely understand what he was saying, it impressed her, and she thought, wow, he’s so mature.
In any case, she might have made an impression on him because ever since that encounter he would always give her a warm smile whenever they met.
The second crucial encounter occurred during the winter of her second year. Kayoko came out into the old temple garden of another tea ceremony and gazed at the camellia flowers there. (In fact, she was thinking about him again.) Suddenly she heard suddenly someone from behind say, “They’re beautiful,” in a transparent voice now familiar to her. At first she thought she’d imagined it, but when she turned around she couldn’t believe he was there—and smiling at her. It was the first time he addressed her without any reference to teaching tea ceremony or official duties.
And so they had a conversation.
“So you find tea ceremony interesting?”
“Yes, I love it. But I’m not very good.”
“Really? I’ve been impressed with your excellent posture during your preparation. It’s not just that your back is upright. There’s a kind of intensity.”
“Oh, no, I’m really no good at all….”
With his hands tucked inside his sleeves, he still wore his kind smile and glanced up at the camellia. “No, I really do mean it. Yes, just like those flowers. There’s something strained, but there’s beauty in that. Something like that.”
Of course, she was still just a child, and he might have only been complimenting a hobbyist dabbling in the school’s tea ceremony. But that didn’t stop her from getting excited. Right on! (She snapped her fingers only later in the bathroom.)
From that point on Kayoko began to practice tea ceremony more seriously. She thought, I can do it. Of course, I’m still just a kid, but once I’m eighteen he’ll be twenty-four. That would totally work….
And so that was her memory of him.
Kayoko buried her face into her skirt. A warm liquid which wasn’t rain oozed into the area covering her kneecaps. Kayoko realized she was crying. Her hand holding the gun trembled. How could all this be happening?
She wanted so badly to see him now. Sure, she was still a kid. But in her own adolescent way, she really did love him. This was the first time she ever had serious feelings for someone. She wanted a single moment with him so she could tell him this much. She wanted to tell this person—kind enough to describe her as “beautiful” even if it was only referring to her tea ceremony skills—“I’m still a kid, so I may not understand what it really means to be in love. But I think I am in love with you. I really love you.” Something like that.
Something rustled in the bushes. Kayoko looked up. She wiped her eyes with her left hand and got up. Her feet moved automatically and took a step back from the source of the sound.
A boy in a school coat—Hiroki Sugimura (Male Student No. 11). His face and torso emerged from the bushes. The sleeves of his coat and shirt were torn off, revealing his right arm. The white cloth wrapped around his shoulder was stained with blood and—perhaps it was because of the rain—it oozed pink. And his hand was holding a gun.
Hiroki’s jaw dropped, but what really caught her attention when she saw his grimy face were his eyes. They were gleaming.
Kayoko felt a sudden surge of fear. How could she have not noticed sooner before he got this close. How—
“Kotohiki—”
Kayoko let out a shriek and turned on her heels. She entered the bushes. She didn’t care about the branches scraping against her face and hair, or getting drenched in the rain. She just wanted to escape. He’ll kill me!
She made her way through the bushes. There was a twisting path approximately two meters wide. Kayoko instinctively decided to run down there. If she ran uphill, he would catch up, but if she ran down then maybe…