Shuya pursed his lips and looked over at Shogo… but ended up nodding. He exchanged glances with Noriko and put away the memo. So did Noriko.
It was true. Anything could happen. Escaping this island in the first place was going to be incredibly difficult. But if that were the case then shouldn’t he and Noriko also come up with their own place and time to meet? Without telling Shogo? Then again, if Shogo ended up getting caught by the government then their situation would be hopeless anyway.
Shogo asked, “So where do you want to go?”
Shuya recalled how Shogo wanted to know their ideal destinations once they fled the country. He folded his arms and thought about it. Then he said, “It’d have to be America. It’s where rock came from. I always wanted to go there, at least once.” He thought, I didn’t think I’d be escaping there, though.
“I see.” Shogo nodded. “What about you, Noriko?”
“I don’t really have anywhere in mind but…” Noriko said and glanced over at Shuya.
Shuya nodded back. “Let’s go together. All right?”
“Oh…” Noriko’s eyes opened wide. Then she formed a smile and nodded. “Sure, if you’re all right with that.”
Shogo smiled. He took another drag from his cigarette and asked, “What will you do once you get there?”
Shuya thought about it. Then he answered with a grin, “I’ll be busking with my guitar. At least I’ll make some change.”
Shogo chuckled, “Huh.” Then he said, “You best be a rocker. You’re talented. From what I hear, in that country the odds aren’t stacked so high against you even if you’re an immigrant or exile.”
Shuya took a deep breath and gave him a skeptical grin. “I’m not that talented. I don’t have what it takes to be a pro.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Shuya smiled and shook his head. Then he looked over at Noriko. “What about you, Noriko? Anything you want to do?”
Noriko pursed her lips. Then she said, “I’ve always wanted to be a teacher.”
Her reply caught Shuya by surprise since he’d never heard about it. He exclaimed, “Really?”
Noriko turned to look at Shuya and nodded.
“You wanted to be a teacher in this lousy country?”
Noriko grimaced, “There are good teachers too. I…” she looked down and continued, “I thought Mr. Hayashida was a good teacher.”
It had been a while since Shuya recalled the corpse of Mr. Hayashida, whose head was half crushed. “Dragonfly” died for their sake.
“You’re right,” Shuya agreed.
Shogo said, “It might be difficult to become a teacher as an exile. But you might be able do research at some university. Ironically enough, the rest of the world seems very interested in this country. Then you might be able to teach.” He continued staring ahead, then tossed his cigarette butt into the puddle by his feet. He put another cigarette in his mouth and lit it. He continued, “So you should go for it, both of you. Be what you want to be. Follow your heart and give it your best shot.”
Shuya thought what he said was kind of cool. Follow your heart. Do your best. The way the late Shinji Mimura would also say something sometimes that hit the mark.
Then he realized something.
“What about you?” He asked anxiously, “What are you going to do?”
Shogo shrugged his shoulders. “I told you. It’s payback time against this country. No, that’s not it. They owe me, and they’re going to pay me back. No matter what. I can’t join you guys.”
“No!” Noriko said with anguish.
Shuya responded differently, though. He clenched his teeth and said, “Let me join you.”
Shogo looked at Shuya for a moment. Then he looked down and dismissively shook his head. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Why not?” Shuya said insistently. “You’re not the only one with a grudge against this fucking country.”
“That’s right,” Noriko insisted. Her response surprised Shuya. Noriko looked at Shogo and continued, “We’ll do it together.”
Shogo looked at them. He heaved a deep sigh. He looked up and said, “Look. I think I told you before that this country might be fucked up, but it’s well run. It’s almost impossible to take it down. No, I’d say it’s absolutely impossible right now, but I…” He turned around and then looked beyond the roof at the sky turning white from the receding rain. Then he looked back at them. “To use a cliche, I just want to take a stab at it. I’m getting back at them. I’m only doing it for my own sake, which isn’t such a bad thing.” He stopped and then said, “No, it’s not bad at all.”
“So then—” Shuya said but Shogo interrupted him, raising his hand.
“I’m not done.”
Shuya shut up and let him speak.
“I’m saying you’ll die if you join me. You just said you’re going to be with Noriko. Which means…” He looked at Noriko. Then he looked back at Shuya. “You still have Noriko. You protect her, Shuya. If she’s in danger then fight for her. Whether your assailant’s a burglar, the fucking Republic of Greater East Asia, or an extraterrestrial alien.” Then he turned to Noriko and said kindly, “You too. You still have Shuya, right? Protect him, Noriko. It’s foolish to die pointlessly.” Then he looked at Shuya again. “You understand? There’s nothing left for me. So I’m just doing it for my sake. It’s different for you guys.” The last statement sounded adamant. He checked his watch, tossed another cigarette into the puddle, got up and went out from under the roof. The chirping bird call rang out.
As he listened Shuya recalled a song by a mainland Chinese rocker that went: “Perhaps you are saying/You love me even though I have nothing at all.”
But what did Shogo mean when he said he had nothing?
After tweaking the bird call for exactly fifteen seconds, Shogo went back underneath the roof and sat down.
Noriko asked Shogo, gently, “Don’t you have someone you care about?”
Shuya had wanted to ask that too.
Shogo opened his eyes and then forced a grin. “I wasn’t planning on telling you, but…” he said and then took a deep breath. He continued, “No, maybe I did want to tell you.” He reached behind for his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He removed a photo with frayed edges.
Noriko took it. She and Shuya looked at it.
The photo included Shogo. He was wearing a school coat, and his hair was as long as Shuya’s. He was smiling, wearing a bashful smile that was hard to imagine on him now. And on his left was a girl in a sailor suit uniform. Her black hair was bundled over her right shoulder. She looked assertive, but her smile was incredibly charming too. In the background were a road, gingko-like trees, a whiskey billboard ad, and a yellow car.
“She’s beautiful,” Noriko exclaimed.
Shogo rubbed the tip of his nose. “Really? She’s not what you’d call typically beautiful, but I always thought she was pretty.”
Noriko shook her head. “Well, I think she’s very pretty and very… mature looking. Is she the same age as you?”
Shogo broke into a bashful grin that was reminiscent of the one he wore in the photo. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Shuya gazed at the two smiling faces next to each other in the photo and thought, hey, what do you mean you have nothing? But Shuya had overlooked something crucial.
“So is she in Kobe?” Shuya asked.
Shogo grimaced. He shook his head and said, “Remember, Shuya? I played this fucking game once before. And I was the ‘winner.’”
That was when Shuya realized. And Noriko probably did too. Her face stiffened.
“She was in my class. I wasn’t able to save Keiko.”
They fell silent. Shuya finally felt he could truly understand Shogo’s anger, the sheer depth of it.