“Yes. I don’t know,” I choked out, and for one of the first times ever, I was using yes honestly.
His face paled, and he swayed on his feet as if I had just taken the air from his lungs. He dropped to the edge of the bed and his head fell into his hands. I had no clue what to do so I remained standing, watching a man who demanded respect and who held such a strong presence crumble before my eyes.
“I would never hurt you Eden. Never. I should never have thought of kissing you.”
“So you didn’t want to kiss me?” I spat out before I even had a chance to stop myself. I slammed my eyes shut at the stupidity of my question. Here I was with the man I fled, but now I couldn’t ignore the twinge of disappointment I felt when he said he didn’t want to kiss me.
Ky lifted his head from his hands and his eyes darkened as he looked at me. He hesitated for a brief moment before he rose from the bed and took a step until his chest was mere inches from mine. I could feel the heat coming off his body, and I was sure that he could hear my heart pounding in my chest.
“I want nothing more than to taste your lips, but I know I shouldn’t. Fuck I want to kiss you Eden but I also need to learn to behave myself when it comes to you.” He crossed his arms over his chest as if he was trying to stop himself from reaching out and touching me. “You interest me Eden. There is something about you that I want to have. You have this innocence about you, but then I see a glimmer in your eye that tells me that there is a sassy woman locked away who needs to be unleashed, who needs the opportunity for freedom. You grabbed my attention the very first time I saw you, and it hasn’t been lost ever since.”
“I never thanked you for what you did,” I admitted sheepishly. “For saving me from that guy.”
“You never have to thank me for protecting you. I should have done it earlier, and I will forever regret that.” His voice faltered at his words, and he shook his head slightly. “I should go.”
Ky moved to the door with strong strides and stalled when he reached for the door handle. He looked at me over his shoulder, and his eyes pleaded with me. “Never be fearful of saying no to me Eden. I know there will be a time when I’ll need you to say no.”
She thought I was going to hurt her.
She thought I had the potential to fucking hurt her.
I rushed out of the room moments before the twisted hands of anger took hold of me. Everything she had admitted sat with me like a tormenting reminder of how fucked up life could be. I had crossed a very hazy line yesterday when I had gone to kiss her. What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking, and that was the fucking problem. Eden Rivers was quickly making me lose all sense of reality.
Leaving her in that hotel room was the smartest thing I could have done. If I had stayed one more minute, I would have broken. I would have asked her to kiss me and with Tori’s words constantly haunting me ‘she can’t say no’ I knew that it was only a matter of time before I broke.
With frustration seeping from every pore, I sped back to my apartment. I needed a distraction, I needed to satisfy and put to good use the endorphins running rampant through my body. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and my mind continually taunted me with memories of her face as she admitted her fear.
I threw my keys on the kitchen island and forcefully ripped my phone from my pocket and dialed Josh’s number. After two rings he picked up and I didn’t give him a chance to speak.
“Josh I need to work out,” I roared down the phone as I stepped into my bedroom and headed toward my dresser.
“And hello to you too big brother.”
“Are you working out with me or not?” I had no time for his smart-ass remarks.
“I’ll meet you at your place in ten.”
I didn’t bother replying. I hung up the phone and threw it on my bed and watched it bounce off the mattress and drop to the floor. My head tilted to the ceiling and a deep sigh erupted from my chest as my emotions bubbled over. I couldn’t fathom her fear toward me. It was beyond unjustifiable. It was unwarranted. It was uncalled for. The one thing she didn’t know about me was that I was a stubborn prick and now I was more determined than ever to get inside her head. To twist my way into her thoughts, her fears, her seemingly dangerous habit of saying yes to everything. I would make her say no to me and mean it and see that there was no fear to be had.
“Where’s the cranky bastard?” Josh questioned from the living room.
“Bedroom.”
Moments later he filled the doorway and gave me an inquisitive look. “So what’s crawled up your ass and died?”
“Let’s just go to the gym.”
Two hours later I had punched, run, rowed, and kicked every ounce of leftover frustration out of my body. Sweat dripped from my body and my lungs ached as they craved air that had been stolen. Finally calm filled me. Josh watched me closely, waiting for me to open up about what had caused my sudden pissed-off mood. We both grabbed a shower and then headed to the closest bar we could find.
“So spit it out,” he demanded, sitting beside me at the bar after ordering both of us a beer.
One thing about my brother was that he would never give up on finding out what was bothering me. Throughout everything he knew what to say or do to get me to open up, even if it was in the most brutal way. He was there during my darkest of days, when regret tore through me, when I believed that I didn’t deserve the life I was given and he had talked me off the ledge more times than I’d like to admit.
“I almost kissed Eden yesterday, and she completely freaked out. So I went to see her earlier today and she was so scared, like terrified of me. She thought I’d hurt her because she said no to me.”
“What the fuck?” he exclaimed with wide eyes.
“She is doing things to me man. I thought I could resist her. Fuck, I need to resist her, but ever since that first night I just need to have her in my sight. I am drawn to her like a fucking moth to a flame.”
“Does she know?” He questioned softly.
I turned to Josh and sighed before responding. “She knows nothing.”
“You are treading in dangerous waters brother.”
I knew he was right.
••••
Two days had passed since I had seen Eden. I hadn’t contacted her, and she hadn’t contacted me. Our conversation and everything that happened still filled my thoughts. It was so fucked-up, because the longer I was away from her, the more I thought about her. I dived into work, I worked from sunup until way after sundown yet everything still reminded me of her. I’d see her name pop up in emails, I’d hear that she had come in to pick up things from Josh or Lauren, and I swear I even smelled her perfume in the elevator once. I was completely and utterly screwed.
The door of my office swung open and Ashlyn strutted in like she was a woman on a mission. I raised my eyes from my laptop as she made herself at home on the corner of my desk. It was close to five p.m. so I knew I still had a long night ahead of me.
“You’re leaving,” she stated matter-of-fact.
“And why would I do that?” I huffed in response.
“Because I’m sick of seeing you in this fucking rut you’ve wedged yourself in. You are coming to my place for beer and Chinese.”
“I’m not in a rut.”
“Whatever you say Ky. Get your ass up and out of this office. I’m parked out front, be there in five minutes.”
••••
I collapsed on Ashlyn’s couch and threw my head back against the plush cushions. She had won. I had left the office. My eyes closed, and I felt the first waves of exhaustion crash within me.
“You look like shit.”
I pried open my heavy eyes at the sound of Ashlyn’s voice and watched her sink down on the couch beside me. I grabbed the beer she held out to me and I almost devoured it in one gulp.