“Well for as long as I have you, I am going to make sure you know that you deserve everything in the world. I want you to know you can say no to me, you can say whatever the hell you want to me. I will never hurt you Eden. My one wish is to make you see how incredible you are.”
“But how do you know that?”
“Believe me, I just do.”
My mind raced a million miles an hour.
I felt cocooned in warmth and the soothing heartbeats that echoed from below me made my sleepiness thick with want. Slowly opening my eyes, I took in my surroundings. The glowing numbers on the alarm clock beside me showed that it was almost four a.m.
A heavy arm slouched over my stomach and soft breathing danced on my skin, causing shivers to run down my spine. Ky curled in beside me, our limbs entangled, a small smile gracing his perfectly plump lips while lost in the middle of what seemed like a peaceful sleep. The night before had changed everything it seemed. I never told people my story, but there I was, so open to telling him everything about me.
His arms encased me obsessively, wrapping tightly around my body, locking me in as if he feared that I would escape during the midnight hours. But I needed to escape. My bladder didn’t understand the meaning of spooning. I stared at him for too long before I tried as softly and eloquently as possible to remove my body from his grip but it was pointless.
“Where are you going?” Ky groaned from the confines of my neck, his arms tightening around my waist, locking me into the warmth of his body.
“I need to use the bathroom.”
His lips brushed my neck tenderly and his arms unlocked from around me. He rolled away from me until he was on his back; the sheet that had been covering our bodies slipping to reveal his sculpted to perfection chest. “Make sure you come back.”
I slipped out of bed and padded across the bedroom and disappeared into his pristine bathroom. As I closed the door, I looked into the room and sighed at the sight of Ky sleeping in bed. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that he was completely crumbling every wall I had been desperate to put up. His words, his action, his touch, and his patience were all sledgehammers that kept slamming against the walls I had put up years ago, and with every day, another brick was falling down. I leaned on the glistening white vanity and looked at myself in the mirror. One month Eden, just one month. I shouldn’t be standing in the bathroom of the guy who I was spending just one month with. This was bordering on dangerous ground. I felt myself completely losing control and control was the one thing that I needed to survive. I had already touched him, kissed him, and divulged my deepest secrets; I was scared what I would do next.
Once I finished in the bathroom, I tiptoed back into Ky’s bedroom and stood at the side of the bed. The thought of escaping to the spare room flashed over me but then I thought of how he asked me to come back and I couldn’t say no to that. As if on cue, he rolled over and opened one eye then looked directly at me.
“Come on Eden, I’m cold. I need that cute little body beside me.” He pouted and lifted up the comforter that was on the side I was sleeping. Within seconds I was climbing back into his bed and was engulfed by his arms. As he nuzzled back into my neck, I felt myself melting under the intensity.
••••
You want this bitch, of course you do. What little slut wouldn’t want me? My cock has wanted your pussy since the first time I saw you and now I’m going to enjoy every fucking minute.
Why couldn’t I open my eyes?
Why couldn’t I breathe?
I gasped for breath as the remains of the nightmare thundered within me. Every part of my body ached from being tense and rigid and an increasingly aggressive headache had taken up residence in my fucked-up head.
When would this stop?
Why the fuck couldn’t I open my eyes?
His menacing grin looked back at me; the snigger on his lips as his body pounded relentlessly into mine didn’t leave. Words of pure and utter evil whispered through my ears like a tormenting storm.
“Eden!” A distant voice sounded through the torment as if a light was beaming through the darkness. “Come on, wake up baby!”
I felt my body being jerked, being pushed into the mattress below and then lifted so sternly. I felt a pressure on my hips. The more I moved the quicker I was being saved from my torment and brought toward safety.
Finally my frantic eyes flew open and the air that fiercely entered my lungs caused me to cough at the sensation. I desperately tried to take in my surroundings and that was when I realized someone was sitting on me, pinning me to the bed. My fists automatically clenched, and I beat into the rigid chest in defense. I knew I had woken up, so why was I still in my nightmare?
“Eden, babe! It’s me. It’s Ky.”
His arms wrapped around my back, and he pulled me up until I was sitting and tucked against the nakedness of his chest.
It was Ky.
I fell against his warmth and completely came undone. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to allow my mind to catch up with reality. I was at my weakest. I was falling apart at a fast rate and I was losing control. My mind flew back to my appointments with Doctor Sheree Evans, the psychologist I was referred to after the rape, and the many times she had told me how to overcome my panic attacks. I grabbed hold of the memory like my life depended on it. One, two breathe in, one, two breathe out. I slammed my eyes shut and repeated this over and over in my head until I felt myself swim into the current of calm while my body still shook.
“Please say something.” There was his deep panicked voice again. I pulled myself away from the comfort of his chest and shifted my gaze to lock onto his. He brought his hands to cup my face and looked at me with concern.
“I’m okay,” I choked out. I slammed my eyes shut momentarily; trying desperately to avoid the look that he was giving me. I hated pity. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“You are looking at me like you pity me.”
“I am worried about you Eden. I don’t pity you.” His thumbs ran under my eyes taking away the fresh tears that had fallen. “Tell me what I can do to make you stop shaking.”
“I don’t know.”
I watched as his face shifted to something of thought. All of a sudden he had released my body and climbed out of bed leaving me completely and utterly confused. I watched him with wide curious eyes as he walked into his robe, only to return fully dressed in sweatpants, a hoodie, and a scarf wrapped around his neck.
“Get out of bed. I am taking you somewhere. Wear this.”
He handed me one of his hoodies and left the room allowing me to dress. What the hell was happening and where was he taking me? I followed his orders and crawled out of bed then slipped his hoodie over my shoulders and was instantly cocooned by warmth.
I walked out of his room in search of where he had escaped to. When I found him, I couldn’t have ever imagined what I would find. He stood by the door, holding a blanket and what looked like two travel mugs and an expectant look on his face.
“You ready?”
I nodded, completely at a loss for words.
We walked down the silent hall of floor fourteen and took the elevator to the roof. The moment we stepped out I wrapped my arms around my body and tried to take in everything around me.
Beauty to me was the smile of a young child, the smell of rain at the end of a hot day, and seeing an elderly couple walking hand in hand. It was the feeling of comfort provided in love, overwhelming contentment of silence and feeling completely at ease. Right now beauty was the city lights dancing on the river before me, blanketed against the midnight sky above and the sleeping city below.
I stood in awe; it felt like Ky and I were the only two people in the world. He brought me to the roof of the apartment building and now as I watched him pull together two lounge chairs, I felt beauty in so many forms. He held his hand out to me and I walked toward him and grabbed his offered hand.