“Can I take you home?” I asked, my words muffled against her neck.
She shifted in my arms and twisted her body to face me, her arms linking behind my neck. Her eyes finally locked with mine, and they swam with indecision. We desperately needed to talk. I just hoped she would give me that chance. I would not stop at begging for her to give me that chance. Her lips were still swollen and glistening from my attack and her hair was ruffled in the perfect way I loved. Standing before me, surrounded by my arms, was the only girl for me, and I would fight until I was blue in the face to make her see that and to make her truly mine forever. Nothing would stop me because I had waited too long for this moment.
“Say something baby.”
Her lips creased briefly into a smile at the sound of baby, and she nodded so delicately that I almost missed it.
“I’m ready to go.” She whispered so gently.
My hand never left hers as we walked through the near empty office and made our way to the garage. I opened the passenger door and watched as she buckled herself in. I just wanted to get her to my apartment, I wanted to feel comfortable. I wanted her to scream at me, hit me, anything besides silence. I pulled my car out of the garage and hit the steady Friday evening traffic.
I felt her eyes on me before I found them. She had shifted in the seat so her back was flush with the door and faced me, staring at me so intently. Her perfect blue eyes were clear, focused, determined, like she was reading me, trying to divulge information without asking me. It made me nervous as hell. That was all she did for the entire hour drive back to my apartment.
Without a single fucking word.
The moment I shut off the engine, I finally broke.
“Eden, can you please say something? I can’t do silence. I need to know what you are thinking. Whether you could ever forgive me?”
“Inside,” was the only word she spoke.
It was only a matter of time. I knew I had to wait until she was ready to speak. I felt the shift the moment we stepped foot into my apartment. She sat on the couch, still silent, still holding her emotions in. Everything that we had fought for seemed to have been all but forgotten.
“Do you want something to eat?” I asked as I took a seat beside her.
“Yep.”
Fuck me. “Please don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Become that girl again.”
“I’ll always be that girl.”
I shook my head in frustration and stood from the couch, walking to the kitchen as my anger swirled around me. There was no way in hell that I was letting her become that girl again. Pulling open my fridge, I realized I hadn’t shopped; the past three days had been horrendous without her, but I couldn’t help but think it was a prologue for what I was about to endure.
“I don’t have any food. Let’s go to the diner.”
“Sure.”
That was it.
“Fucking hell Eden, stop doing that. This isn’t you. Don’t let my fucked-up decision screw up everything you’ve become while you were here.”
She rose from the couch and stormed into the kitchen and stood chest to chest with me. “You have no right to tell me what to do Ky. You lost that right when you lied to me. Why did you do it? Tell me why the fuck you would keep something like that from me? I trusted you. I gave you every single part of me but still that wasn’t enough to gain your honesty. I don’t know if anything you have said or done is true. All those words you said to me, were they lies too?”
Finally she broke.
“Nothing I said to you was a lie. Everything I admitted to you was truth.”
Her eyes dropped from mine and her face dropped. “I want to know everything Ky. You know my story, now I want to hear yours.”
This would be it, the moment when I faced my greatest fears. The moment when I relived my darkest days. I had told no one the depths of my grief, my hatred, my disgust in myself. She looked at me so expectantly and I knew I needed to give her this. This would be her closure as much as it would be mine. I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the couch. She fell onto the comfortable cushion and pulled her legs to her chest. I sighed nervously and ran my hands through my hair. I needed to search and gather every part of my strength and give her this because if I didn’t there would be no chance that I could ever get her back.
“I was best friends with Jeremy Davis from high school and through college. He was that guy who everyone at school admired, purely because he came from money and stature. He always got what he wanted, when he wanted it, and I never had that and I didn’t want that. My family was working class, and I had to work my ass off every single day for everything that was in my life. The thing with Jeremy was that he thought he was entitled to everything and everyone. Girls threw themselves at him, and guys wanted to be him. The moment we started college, I saw him change. He wasn’t the biggest guy on campus anymore; there were guys with more money, with more standing, and with a much better reputation and stature then him. He didn’t like that, and it fucked with his head.”
I took a breath and looked at her. Her eyes were wide, her mouth agape as she took in my words. I threw my head back and demanded a huge breath to fill my lungs. I fell silent.
“Please keep going.” Her words were so soft, so innocent, yet so demanding.
I nodded.
“I remember the first time I saw you. It was across the coffee house that was just off campus. You were like a breath of fresh air amongst the stiffness and predictability of college girls. The first thing I noticed about you was those beautiful eyes. I had never seen anything like them. The blue reminded me of the ocean in summer. They were so wide, so inviting, and so entrancing. I was trapped from that moment. I had no issues with approaching girls, but with you, I was fearful. I couldn’t have handled rejection and from what I had found out when I asked around, I was told that you didn’t date. I couldn’t risk it. I watched you from afar; I knew you loved that coffee house so it became my regular place to study, because I wanted a moment when I could enjoy you.”
I stopped the moment I heard her gasp. Her knuckles were white from her grip on the pillow she held on to.
“You asked about me?” she asked meekly.
“Of course I did. Eden, you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. God this makes me sound like a fucking stalker.” I ran my hands through my hair and groaned. This was making me look like a fucking asshole too, but I knew I couldn’t stop. “You were everything that other girls weren’t. I remember the first time I saw you in sweats in the coffee house. You looked so comfortable, so confident, so concentrated while every other girl there was in her way-too-tight jeans, with tit-exposing tops and a face full of makeup. You were refreshing. You were everything I wanted.”
She stilled as it dawned on her.
She surprised me when she moved closer to me. I took a chance and pulled her onto my lap. My arm snaked around her waist and pulled her against my chest. We sat in silence as my words sunk in. We weren’t even close to being done, but I just needed this moment because I was afraid that this could be the last chance I get.
“I need you to keep going.”
I took a deep breath and my hand grasped her waist tightly, almost as if I was locking her to my body.
“Jeremy noticed a change in me. My life revolved around studying, I had a dream of what I wanted to become and I didn’t have the luxury of having a family who could pay my way through college. My grades were what kept me there. I made the mistake one day of mentioning you and from that day forward you were on his radar. He started coming to the coffee house. He tried to get me to approach you. Then he started saying fucked-up things about you.”