She shuddered against my chest at the sound of his name and his actions. I hated that I was bringing this up. I felt like I was putting her through hell, but I knew I couldn’t stop.
“That night, the end of year party at the frat house, I had been told you were going, and I had decided that I was going to find you and finally ask you out. I knew what I was going to say to you, and I wasn’t going to let you say no. I thought I had everything ticked off and planned. It was during the lead up to the party that Jeremy started saying shit. He got in my fucking face, and I was getting pissed off. I remember everything like it was yesterday, the look in his eye, the tone in his voice, but I never thought anything else of it. When he came up with the bet to see who could ask you out first, I thought he was doing it to encourage me to finally grow a set of balls. Fuck Eden, I never knew that he could do this. I should have realized he was fucked-up. I should have gotten to you first. I should have realized he had no intention of doing anything for me.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Eden, I saw him taking a girl to the dorms. I asked him what he was doing. I should have stopped him. I should have realized. I should have run over and stopped him. Why did he need to get more drinks? The party was stocked. I should have realized it was you. It’s my fucking fault. I should have stopped him.”
“Ky, listen to me. What happened wasn’t your fault.”
“I could have stopped him.”
“You didn’t know what he was going to do.”
I dropped my face to her neck and drew her closer to my body. I needed the warmth of her body, the familiarity of her curves, the one thing that had been my savior over this past month. Her arms encased my body, and we connected perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle. We sat in silence, content in being as one while the sun faded in the distance. There were no words needed at that second, but I knew my story wasn’t over. She needed to know how I came to know of her. My admission had the potential to destroy relationships that she cared so deeply about, but I couldn’t hide the truth from her any longer.
“Can we eat?” She lifted her head from my chest and looked at me with those blue eyes I cherished. I nodded and unlocked my arms from around her and she shifted off my lap and stood from the couch. She was still dressed in just her coat and lingerie. “I’m going to get dressed.”
She stopped when she got to the hall. Realization hit her. All of her clothes were at Ashlyn’s.
“I’ll go and get your suitcase.”
I didn’t give her a chance to respond. The moment I stepped into the solace of the hall my body fell against the closed door, and I gasped for air. My emotions were running amuck, and I felt myself drifting to the darkness that had taken over my life for the past four years. I thought unleashing the truth into the world would help, but so far it was slowly crushing me from the inside out.
Once my emotions were under control, I pushed off the door and stumbled to the elevator and made my way toward Ashlyn’s apartment. I knocked loudly and moments later the lock clicked and the door swung open. Ashlyn took me in and immediately wrapped her arms around me. My walls of resolve crumbled. My emotions—fear, hatred, and despise—roared to life within me and spilled out of my body. I sobbed in her arms. I fucking sobbed like a baby, but I didn’t give a fuck. I cried for what Eden had lost. I cried for the pain she had been forced to endure because I couldn’t protect her. I cried for the four years of hell she had lived and because I finally got the girl and now I was losing her.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Ashlyn’s soothing voice fell around me, and she pulled me over to the couch.
I wiped my face with my hands and looked at her through red rimmed eyes. “What the fuck have I done?”
“Babe, this is what you wanted. This was your plan all along. You wanted her to shine and now she is shining bright. Look how far she has come. She is smiling, she is laughing, she has opened her heart to the idea of love and being with a man. That was all because of you. I can’t watch you destroy yourself any longer. Nothing that happened four years ago was your fault.” Her voice was laced with frustration.
“I’m going to tell her everything,” I admitted softly. “I have to.”
She nodded in agreement although she knew the possible ramifications of this. She had been a key part in my crazy plan, and I was about to admit it all to Eden. I dropped my head into my hands and felt my shoulders sink.
“She is everything to me Ash and I will do whatever it takes to show her that.” I stated with determination.
“You need to tell her that. You two are good for each other, perfect even, and I really hope you both know that.”
“We are going to get some food and finish chatting. I just came to get her suitcase so she can change.”
“Hang on a second, I’ll go and grab it for you.”
Ashlyn peeled herself off the couch and disappeared down the hall, only to reappear a couple of seconds later with Eden’s suitcase.
“Good luck. Show her your heart Ky because your heart is a beautiful thing.”
••••
I pushed open the door of my apartment and stepped into still darkness. My eyes tried to adjust and scope out my surroundings. I quietly wheeled Eden’s suitcase in through the living room toward my room.
What I found halted my breath.
Eden lay in the center of my bed, her dark hair feathered out against the white pillow case. My eyes fell to her body; she was dressed in my hoodie that she told me was her favorite and a pair of my sweatpants. Her breathing was steady and her eyes closed as she huddled into my pillow. My heart ached.
I lowered myself onto the edge of the bed trying not to disturb my sleeping beauty. My eyes ran over her body and then like magnets they were drawn to her hands. A folded up piece of paper sat clutched in her closed palm. The letter. My letter. She was tormenting herself, reliving my words and weak apology.
I crawled up the bed and rolled to my side, tucking my hand under my cheek and gazing at her. The smallest of frowns plagued her face and with a shaking hand I ran my thumb along the offending crease on her forehead. Her eyes flickered opened and focused on me. Her lips curled and an innocent brief smile greeted me.
“Do you want to eat?” I whispered into the darkness.
“I don’t want to go out,” she admitted softly.
“We can order pizza from downstairs if you like.” She nodded and I started moving until her hand caught my arm. I turned my head and looked back down at her. “What is it?”
“Can you just stay here for a few minutes?”
“Of course.”
I pulled my wallet and phone out of my pocket then dropped them on the side table and scooted up the bed to lay down beside her. She was now on her side, mimicking my body. I could tell she had been crying, and I knew she could see it my gaze. We remained silent; the only sound in my room was our ragged breathing. She raised her hand and cupped my cheek; my eyes slammed shut under her soft touch. She removed her hand after a few seconds and with one finger, she ran it softly, delicately over my lips, before tracing my jawline while her eyes completely devoured my face. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t help but think she was memorizing my face.
“I didn’t do this for me,” I whispered hoarsely.
“Why did you do it?”
“Because something had been taken from you. It was ripped from you, and you needed this. You needed to know you could live a normal life, a life where you could touch and be touched, where you could say no, where you could let someone in and learn to love. I needed to give you that because I felt like I was the one who ripped it away from you. When my letter was returned, I spiraled out of control. The blame was strangling me, and when I gave the police my statement, I made sure I told them everything and anything I could remember. He needed to burn for what he did and Douglas who is my father’s best friend made sure he did.”