“So how are things going with you in the lady department? Still sowing your oats around town?”
Fuck me, I loved her Aussie way of speaking. Even though her accent wasn’t as strong as it was when I first met her, it was still thick. I thought of my reply options. Savannah could be the one person I needed to be able to get everything off my chest. Mostly, she would allow me the privacy to discuss my innermost thoughts without the fear of judgment I knew I’d receive from everyone else.
“I haven’t sowed my oats in weeks,” I finally admitted.
Her gasp rang through the phone, as if I’d just announced the most shocking thing in the world.
“It’s really not a big deal, Sav.”
“Who is she?” she asked abruptly. All teasing tone in her voice had vanished. “Josh Crawford does not stop sowing his oats for no reason.”
Maybe she could help sort out my fucked up and confusing thoughts. I inhaled sharply before speaking truth. “She is someone I can’t risk hurting, but someone I want more than anything.”
Her voice dropped low. “Do I know her?”
“Yep, you know her.”
“Where has this thought of hurting her come from?”
I took a seat on the edge of the bed and sighed. “You know me, Sav. I jump from pussy to pussy. I don’t do commitment. Fuck, I wouldn’t even know monogamy if it hit me square in the face. And she knows that. But she is different. So fucking different. And she doesn’t deserve my bullshit. I need my shit together to make this what she deserves, but I can’t keep myself away from her.”
The feeling of relief at saying it out loud was immense.
“Can I offer you one piece of advice? A risk is worth taking if it leads to a happily-ever-after. I took an enormous risk, and look where it led me. I was all of those things, Josh. My plan was to screw my way around Los Angeles, but look at me now. I have a man and son who I love more than life itself. The girl you are talking about could be yours. She could be your turning point, she could be your happily-ever-after.”
That’s all Ashlyn ever wanted, to live her own happily-ever-after, but now she was living one chapter at a time, never knowing what ending she was facing. I was the cliffhanger, but could I be the happily-ever-after she was searching for? Could I be the author and rewrite my story to get the ending I had always craved, the ending that would include Ashlyn Hart?
“When are you coming to the East Coast?” I asked, wanting to get the conversation away from me.
“Tate, Tanzi, Jack, and I are coming over for Red Velvet NY anniversary. You should all come.”
“Email me the dates.”
The door slowly opened, and Ashlyn stepped in before closing it behind her.
“I’ve got to go, but I’ll call you later,” I said without breaking my gaze from Ashlyn.
“Call me later. Remember, risks can lead to amazing, life-changing things.”
I ended the call and stood from the bed to meet her stance.
“What was that downstairs? Are you not talking to me?” she asked hastily.
I crossed my arms over my chest defensively, knowing that we were about to talk, whether I wanted to or not, so it was balls to the wall, or nothing at all.
“Why, London?”
“Why not?” she countered immediately.
A billion responses hit me. Stay for me, start a life with me, be my girl, let me make up the past five years. “Why runaway when everything you need is here?”
She dropped her gaze to the floor defensively, and I knew I’d hit something inside her. “I’m not running.”
“Bullshit,” I said with a huff, and took a step until I was standing before her. “You’re running, and you’ve got nothing to run from. Look at what’s around you, Ashlyn, and standing right in front of you. Then tell me if you’re making the right decision.”
Anger, confusion, and trepidation covered her face. Like a switch had been turned on, she went from placid to pissed off in seconds. “What do I have, Josh? London is a new beginning. Its closing one fucked up chapter and writing a new one. I had plans for where I was headed, but you know what? Plans change, people change, dreams crash and burn.”
She tore her gaze from mine and started shoving her belongings into her own bag. We fell into heated silence, both simmering with words that should be said, but neither willing to divulge. It was a conversation I didn’t wish to have in my parents’ house, but a conversation I was desperate for.
“You can always come and visit,” she said under her breath as she picked up her dress from the floor. Her eyes flashed to mine with hope.
“Or you can always just stay,” I shot back.
This was one thing we would never agree on, and I would continue to fight it until I made her realize she wanted to stay.
“The pussy I had on Friday was unbelievable. Where have you been, though? I have to actually work for it now, and not just get the friend of the chick you hook up with. ”
Duke had arrived just after seven, and was firing on all cylinders. The car ride back from my parents’ had been silent, aside from Ashlyn’s soft humming along to the radio. We were both stubborn, so neither backed down. As soon as we got back to my apartment, she disappeared into her room. I collapsed onto the couch, and was joined an hour later by Duke to watch the game.
“Good to see you are as charming as ever, Duke,” Ashlyn shot as she appeared from the hall wearing the jeans that made her ass look incredible and a black tank top that fit her body like a glove.
“And good to see you are looking as fuckable as ever, Ashlyn.” Duke’s eyes roamed freely over her body, and my jaw tightened at his blatant eye fucking.
“That’s what every girl wants to hear.” Ashlyn laughed. “I’m ordering pizza from downstairs. That okay, Duke?”
She hadn’t looked at me once, and was acting like I didn’t exist. Duke looked between the two of us, while I stared at her waiting for any kind of acknowledgement.
“Are you two having a lovers tiff?” Duke mused, not knowing how right he was.
“I’m ordering pizza.” Ashlyn strutted into the kitchen and shot me an aggravated look over her shoulder, before she disappeared out of view.
“What the hell was that?” Duke asked, after I turned back to look at the television. “I swear you two act like a married couple with a non-existent sex life.”
“Give me a sec.”
I stood from the couch, and didn’t wait around to hear what he had to say. Crossing the living room and entering the kitchen, I refused to let this go on any longer. This was getting sorted now. Her voice was soft as she ordered dinner, and green eyes collided with mine when I appeared. I leaned against the kitchen island and waited while she finished up. After placing her phone in her pocket, she crossed her arms protectively over her chest and waited.
“Give me your phone,” I stated firmly and held out my hand.
“Why?”
I shot her an exasperated look, and with a huff she handed over her phone after unlocking the screen. With a few clicks, I went to her photo album and found the photo we took on the pier.
I lifted the phone and showed it to her. “This is what I want you to remember from the weekend. This photo and what led to it. Not this fucked up argument, or misunderstanding, or whatever the fuck it is. I don’t want you moving to London, it’s as simple as that. I want you here where I can see you every day, and not have to worry about fucked up time zones, or planes, or asshole British guys trying to get in your pants. I’m going to be selfish about this, and I won’t be sorry about that fact.”
Her eyes softened as she looked from the phone to me. “London is only eight hours away,” she said softly.