His pull was making me frantic. It was like fighting against a rip in the ocean; once it had you in its grasp, you had little to no chance of getting away. I knew the day would come when it would pull me under, and I would let it take me wherever it wanted. The fear was now becoming a reality, because I was on a one-way course to giving him whatever he wanted, no matter how much I tried to fight it. Maybe I could do the friends-with-benefits thing with him—no strings attached, but copious amounts of sex. Just the thought alone sent my body into overdrive. Temptation was a dangerous thing. It made me see in bright, beautiful colors, beaming in fantasy, instead of the stark reality of black and white.
“Forget the drink.”
Warmth flittered through me, and I froze when the unique scent of sandalwood and vanilla filled the air as Josh pressed up against my back.
“I want to enjoy my last night of having you in my apartment,” he continued, so close to my ear that his words vibrated against my sensitive skin.
“What do you want to do?” I asked, not turning toward him, but leaning back into him.
Everything about tonight was going full circle, and my memories shot to life. Suddenly, I was transported back to being the girl standing in the bar with a nervous excitement buzzing around her, while Josh, the guy that had every girl on campus’ attention, had all of his firmly locked on me. For as long as I could remember, the only attention I’d received was from my big brother, so having Josh’s caused nerves to shoot through me. Now, five years later, standing in our bar, with every girl in the room’s attention on him, he still made me feel like I was the only one he saw. But now we had history. We had words that had been spoken, and sensations that had been felt. We had memories, we had confusion, and for me, there were unrequited emotions that continued to taunt.
“I want to show you, several times and several ways, why it should happen again. I want to make you remember how it felt to lose yourself entirely with me. But mainly, I want your body to become mine, so I can worship you, taste you, own you, and devour you.”
I turned to face him, and as soon as our eyes met, I knew I’d throw caution to the wind. My whole conversation about it never happening again was futile. All I knew was that right here, right now, I wanted to forget my fears and step into the unknown with him. I wanted him to show me what it was like to be wanted again, just like he did when we were nineteen. For one night, I wanted to get caught in the riptide, I wanted to lose the fight, and I wanted to feel.
“Take me home, Josh,” I whispered, as my heart and mind commenced a fierce battle, with both fighting for ultimate victory. It was only after I recognized the sweet smile he was presenting me with that I realized what I had said.
I just repeated the exact same words to him that I said five years ago.
THE CAB RIDE BACK to the apartment had me seething with heat and need. Ashlyn sat beside me, her hands clamped together in her lap, and she had been continually crossing and uncrossing her legs since we left the bar. My gaze was drawn to her legs, and it trailed over her skin and up to her thighs. Choosing that dress was the best fucking decision I’d ever made. It fit her like a glove, and it emphasized her curves like a perfect second skin. I was a desperate man, I needed to touch her.
I angled my body in a way that allowed me to face her. My movement gained her attention, and she watched with earnest as I leaned in toward her ear.
“Trust me,” I whispered, lightly sweeping a piece of loose hair over her shoulder.
She turned her head until there was barely two inches between us. Her breathing increased, bouncing off my lips as we remained close. I wish I could step into her head and sort through her thoughts. I needed to know what she was thinking. Her anxiety was palpable, and it slammed into me full force. I never wanted her to be nervous around me, and I’d work my ass off to prevent it.
“I do trust you,” she whispered, her gaze dropping momentarily to my lips.
Her gasp rang through the cab as my hand fell to the bare skin just above her knee. My eyes darted from hers to the driver, but he was focused entirely on the road, as if Ashlyn and I didn’t exist. My hand swept lightly up her leg, caressing her skin like it was delicate silk, and I wanted to treasure it like it was priceless. Her eyes trained on mine, locking me in with fierce need flashing within them. With a zealous sigh, her head fell back against the leather headrest, but she never broke my gaze. Slowly, and with a featherlike touch, I ran my fingertips over her thighs until I hit the edge of her dress. Her eyes fluttered shut, and her lips parted as she took an unsteady breath. It was the best fucking sight in the world. Her body was electric, needy, and alight. My fingertips edged under the red satin, and I glided it up her thighs.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked in a voice laced with desire. I was so fucking close to her panties, to her pussy, and the throbbing in my pants indicated that my cock knew it too.
There was one question that held so many other questions within it. If she said no, I’d respect her decision, and that would be it. My hand would come out from under her dress and leave only a memory on her skin. I’d move back to the other side of the cab, then we’d go back to my apartment, say goodnight, and disappear into our own rooms. No would mean that we’d continue what we’d been sharing for the past five years. A friendship filled with flirting, sideways glances, and my obsession with wanting to grab her by the shoulders, kiss the fuck out of her, and tell her exactly what I wanted. I’d remain her friend, the brother of her best friend, and the guy who took her virginity, and she’d remain my not-so-secret temptation, the girl who was my ultimate sacrifice, the girl who ruined me the moment she pleaded with me to take all of her. I wasn’t a praying man, but I was praying to every god there was that she wouldn’t say no.
Her gaze dashed from mine to the cab driver, and it hit me. She wasn’t nervous about me, she was nervous about him. She wasn’t hesitating because of my actions, her hesitation was from not wanting to be seen. Calm cascaded through me, and my intentions roared to life. I leaned in until my mouth hovered over her ear, and I devoured the gasp that shot from her like a starving man.
“It’s just me and you, Ashy. Trust me.”
Her hand dropped to my forearm as the cab stopped at a set of lights. “Touch me,” she whispered.
Our heated stares locked, and my heart hammered in my chest as she moved my hand devastatingly slow along her thigh. With one slight movement, she encouraged me to go where I wanted, and she pushed my hand under her dress until it rested on her upper thigh.
Her head fell back, and she turned to look at me, allowing me to keep hold of her gaze. My fingertips grazed the edge of her silk panties, then she shifted in the seat and licked her lips. The glaze that was moving across her eyes, combined with her broken breathing, was the greatest kind of encouragement. My skin stabbed to life as Ashlyn dug her nails into my arm when I ran my finger over her panties and pressed down on her clit. Neither of us broke our gaze, which only increased the sheer need to make her completely lose control. I pushed aside the edge of her panties, and hissed as my finger ran through her wetness. One thing about Ashlyn was that I knew she’d always be ready for me, and that made me want to beat my chest and claim victory.
Her broken breathing switched into soft pants, and her hips shifted, pushing closer to my hand and fingers. I was desperate to witness every emotion that swept over her face: the need, the want, the desire, the lust, and the realization that this was exactly where she should be . . . with me. I needed to see it. The green eyes that held me captive from day one now begged me for relief, and the passing lights that washed through the cab allowed me to see the flush of heat that swept across her cheeks. She pulled her plump bottom lip between her teeth and slammed her eyes shut, as I slowly pushed a finger deep inside her.