Stillness fell around us, and the air immediately felt thick. I knew I had touched on a subject that would make her uncomfortable, but it was a chance I had to take. If I had to show her my intentions every day I would, and I wouldn’t back down. She pulled her lip between her teeth, but never broke my gaze. I could practically hear her brain ticking over, and I was sure she’d be coming up with an excuse.
“We would never work, Josh.”
“Why wouldn’t we work?” I ran my hands through my hair and narrowed my gaze. My interest in her response was soaring to extremes. She was dismissing being with me before I had a chance to prove to her how serious I really was.
“Because there is only one of me, and you need a smorgasbord of women. I’ve been your friend for years, Josh, so I’ve seen how you work. I can’t be that girl. As you said yourself, I’m not a casual girl.”
“I don’t need a smorgasbord of women when all I want is you.”
Ashlyn broke our stare and looked down at her hands. I was done with hiding my thoughts, so she would have to get familiar with hearing me lay it on the line. Finally, she looked up and softly said, “You’d get bored, and then I’d lose you. I can’t risk that.”
I shifted on the couch until I was flush against her. “I’d never get bored of you, Ashlyn.” I cupped her cheek with my palm, and her eyes closed under the sensation. With the pad of my thumb, I traced her bottom lip. She opened her mouth and took a broken breath. Finally, her deep greens found my eyes before they fell to my lips.
“How do you know that? I’m afraid of not being enough for you.”
“Forget Lachlan, forget your parents, and think about me, about us, about what you want. You are beyond enough for me, Ashlyn. Don’t you get it?”
She was my future, my forever girl. I had been in love with her for years, and wanted her in every sense of the word, but I made a huge sacrifice long ago. Did I regret it? Yes and no. I had to do what I did, but what I did regret more than anything was that she could have been mine. I could have protected her from all of this. Lachlan would never have gotten to her, and neither would any other man. But what could I do? It was a choice between my brother, my blood, and the girl I would always love. It was a fucked up position to be in, but I had to live with the decision I made.
“You’re vibrating,” she whispered as her eyes rose from gazing at my mouth.
Oh, I was vibrating alright.
“Your phone.”
Fuck.
I shifted my body to grab my phone from my back pocket. I glanced at it, and groaned when I saw Duke’s name flash on the screen. Worst timing ever.
“Duke,” I said quickly after I answered.
“I’ll be at your place in an hour.”
Fuck, I had completely forgotten that we were meant to be meeting up tonight for the game and beers. I looked at Ashlyn, who was now looking down at her kindle, and I knew there was no way in hell I’d be leaving her tonight.
“I’m going to have to give tonight a miss, something has come up.”
He scoffed loudly, and I knew he would call me out. “What? Don’t be a fucker. Get your ass to your apartment.”
I was about to reply and state the fact that I would not be there, when my phone was ripped from my hands by Ashlyn.
“Hey, handsome. Josh was helping me with a couple of things in my apartment, but he is finished now. Yeah I know. You truly are a ladies man, Duke. Yes, I am sure you are overdue for some random pussy as you so lovingly call it. I sure will. Talk soon.”
She touched the screen to end the call and handed me back my phone with a smile. “Go out with Duke.”
“I’m not leaving you here,” I stated matter of factly.
“I’m okay. I’ll be locked in, and no one will be getting in. I have a hot date with my kindle, the couch, and ice cream.”
“Nope, not leaving.”
She turned and gave me Bambi eyes. “I’ll make a deal with you. If you go out with Duke, you can use your key and come spoon with me tonight.”
“Are you blackmailing me?”
“Spooning or no spooning, the decision is yours.”
“You play a hard bargain, Ashlyn Hart.”
Her smile told me that she knew she had me by the balls.
THREE HOURS AFTER JOSH finally left to meet up with Duke, and only after doing a complete walkthrough of my apartment to make sure everything was okay, I found myself slowly beginning to relax.
After giving myself a stern talking to, I kept myself busy by cooking a huge pot of spaghetti and taking a long bath. I would not let Lachlan take away my love of baths by making me fear them. No matter how strong I tried to be, the fact that I turned up the television louder than usual and played music throughout the apartment while I was in the bath wasn’t lost on me. Silence was no longer my friend, but my worst enemy. Like a vindictive stalker, silence would consume me with fear.
As I got lost in another chapter, the sound of keys tore me away from my characters. Josh couldn’t be back yet, he’d only been gone for three hours, and nights with Duke always lasted into the early hours of the morning.
“Hey,” he grumbled as he entered my apartment. After placing his wallet, keys, and phone on the coffee table, he leaned in and kissed my cheek. “How’s your night been? Everything, okay?”
“Um, it’s been good,” I replied in complete disbelief.
He gave me the once over, running his gaze over every inch of my body as if he was checking to make sure I was indeed okay. With a nod, he headed to the kitchen, and I watched his every step in fascination. It was like I was watching a movie and waiting for the punchline to hit so I’d understand what the hell was going on.
“Josh, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you still with Duke?”
“What? A guy can’t decide to come home and make sure you are okay?”
I put my hands up in defense, waving the white flag of surrender. “Okay, sorry. I was just asking.” I pulled my legs back to my chest and rested my kindle on the top of my knees. If he was going to be in a crabby mood, then I was going to get lost with my latest book boyfriend. I heard him move around the kitchen, and then the smell of the spaghetti I made earlier hit me. Even when a fresh beer was placed on the coffee table in front of me, I didn’t shift my gaze from my kindle.
“What are you reading? You haven’t looked up once,” he asked softly from behind the couch.
“A book,” I mumbled the obvious answer.
I was lost in a scene where the hero had just pushed the heroine up against the wall, when I first felt him. Hot air blew on the side of my neck and teased my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, I found him reading over my shoulder.
“Yep, he is totally going to fuck her against that wall. Have you had wall sex before? We should try it one day.”
He had absolutely no filter. Wall sex? Damn it, why did it sound so good? The rules I had set were slowly but surely being forgotten.
In one swift movement, Josh hurled himself over the back of the couch, causing my body to shudder from the force of him connecting with the cushion, and he moved in close so we were shoulder to shoulder.
“Next page, Ashy,” he demanded with a wiggle of his brow.
I looked at him with wide eyes. Were we seriously going to sit on the couch and read a book together?
“Fine, I’ll do it myself.”
Josh ripped the kindle from my hands and, after pressing all the wrong buttons, finally figured out how to turn the page. I sat there stunned and staring at the screen, but not reading a word.
“I knew it! Now that is what I call a good fucking,” Josh said with a hoot, his eyes firmly locked onto my kindle.
“Are we seriously reading a book together?” I asked in disbelief.