“I was frightened that this was too good to be true, because the moment I met you all those years ago, I knew I wanted something with you. When I came back from Australia, you were the one I went to. I chose you. That first morning when I climbed into your bed was the beginning of this. The beginning of something that I still can’t name, but I’m working on it. All I ask is that you be patient with me. I would rather suffer a hundred heartbreaks at the hands of other men than to ever suffer heartbreak from you, Josh, because I know I wouldn’t survive it. But I can feel something between us, something like I’ve never felt before, and I don’t want to fight my future with fears of my past anymore. Especially if my future includes you,” Ashlyn said softly.
I looked down at her, and she gazed up at me with the most peaceful of expressions. It was beauty in its purest form. “I tried to push you away,” She continued. “But you kept coming for me. And you know what? You are all I see, Josh. You are my anchor in the craziness of life. You give me the chance to go a little off course at times, but you always pull me back in. You scare me in the best possible way, because you are the only one that could give me the one thing I’ve always wanted, the one thing I had given up on.”
I pulled her up until she was straddling me. My world as I knew it just shifted. It was completely turned on its axis by her admissions. The enormity of what she had just shared wasn’t lost, now that she had admitted that she was locked into the thought of us as much as I was. The fears, insecurities, and worries that had been consuming me in silence over the past five years began to lift.
“You’re my girl, Ashy. Always have been and always will be.” I whispered, with a voice swamped with emotion.
“I think this is the perfect time,” she said softly, and a glimmer of cheekiness hit her eyes.
“Perfect time for what?”
“To say one thing and one thing only.”
I waited for whatever the hell she wanted to say. Knowing Ashlyn, it could be anything.
Her lips twisted into a sassy smile before she leaned in close to my ear. I waited expectantly for whatever she had to say. “Only one thing needs to be said to end a perfect date.”
She made me wait like the cute little tease she was. Then she said the two words that made me feel like I had won the lottery.
“Team Joslyn.”
THERE WAS NO WAY I could be hearing this. Austin had to be drunk, because he was spilling craziness all over the place. After reluctantly leaving Josh’s house the night before, I came home and barely slept a wink. All I wanted to do was call him and crawl into his bed, but he gave me space when I needed it, so I needed to give him the same.
After having an early dinner with Eden, I came home to Austin’s call. When I answered, I went into shock.
“Why did I receive a phone call from Josh asking what kind of time he’d do if he was to knock the fuck out of your ex-boyfriend?” he asked with an amused tone.
I froze just inside my living room, and tried to grasp what my brother had just said.
“What did you just say?” I asked in a stutter.
“You heard me. Josh filled me in on a few things that you should have told me, but that’s another story. I told him ways to get around it, and wished him good luck.”
“Austin Hart, you are a man of the law. You do not tell a person how to harm someone and get away with it,” I shrieked at my brother absurdness.
“Yes, I am a man of the law, but you are my sister. You take priority.”
“What did you tell him?” I asked quietly as I took a seat on the edge of the couch. My brain was rattled. This wasn’t good. This was bad, so fucking bad.
“Nothing for you to worry about. I like him, Ash. I like him a fucking lot. It’s good to know someone is protecting you over there. I approve.”
“Good to hear my big brother approves,” I said softly.
“So, are you fucking him?”
“Austin Joseph Hart, you do not ask your virginal little sister if she is having sex.”
“Virginal my ass. So, are you?”
I knew he wouldn’t let up. “We have enjoyed each other’s company.”
“So that is a yes to fucking him. What’s holding you back?”
“Are we seriously having this conversation?” I groaned, knowing full well that he wouldn’t hang up until I told him everything.
“Start talking.”
I took a deep breath. “I’ve always put Josh on such a pedestal. Throughout everything, he was always that guy . . . he is that guy. He makes me giggle, makes my stomach flutter, treats me like a queen, and the thought of growing old with him has crossed my mind plenty of times. We’ve spent a lot of time together lately, and he is—no he has, reignited a fire inside me. But, Austin, I know I’d never survive if I lost him. My heart would never recover, and that is what’s been holding me back from completely dropping my guard. So, I got scared, and I kind of suggested Friends with Benefits, and he freaked out.”
His deep laughter was not what I expected. What had I said that was so funny? “Why are you laughing? I’m opening up to you here.”
“You suggested friends with benefits to Josh Crawford?”
“And your point being?”
“Firstly, you don’t do casual. You never have. Secondly, there is nothing casual about his feelings for you. I can completely understand why he was insulted that you suggested it.”
“When the hell did you and Josh Crawford become besties?” I sighed in frustration, but my intrigue was firing on all cylinders.
“Since he called and asked me for my advice, and told me his intentions in protecting you. Don’t give him too much agony, Ducky. Listen to your heart, and tell your head to fuck off. Go to him, be happy, and let him be what you have always wanted.”
“We went on a date a couple of days ago,” I admitted with a smile at the memories.
“Keep going on dates. Open your heart to him. Be all romantic and shit.”
“I love you,” I said softly.
“Love you too, Ducky. Now get your ass off the couch and go to him.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the nickname he had given me all those years ago, even though it came about when he called me an ugly duckling. I shoved my phone back into my clutch and tried to digest everything Austin said. The one thing that resounded to me was “listen to your heart.”
The moment Josh rushed out of his bedroom to grab a candle the night he took my virginity, my heart was his. That was my first experience with a Josh Crawford kind of romance; a romance that was spontaneous, heart stuttering, and so beautifully unique that no other man had a chance. My heart liked it. A lot. The thought alone brought a smile to my face. The fears I now lived with weren’t devastating, and they weren’t brutal. They were life changing and beautifully unique. It was then that I realized I wanted to love and be loved by one man. A man that wanted to offer me the world. It was when I knew that I needed him completely in my life, like I needed air to breathe.
There was a sense of purpose in every step I took to his apartment. These were the days I was thankful for living on the same floor. I knocked loudly on the closed door and waited. I had no clue what I was going to say. For the first time in a long time, I had absolutely nothing planned, and it felt phenomenal.
The door opened slowly, and Josh appeared.
Shirtless.
In sweatpants.
With stubble and stupidly-perfect hair.
“Ashy, are you okay? What are you doing he—”
I placed my open palms on his chest and pushed him back into his apartment. Before I could stop myself, and like I was a woman possessed, my lips slammed to his and he stumbled backward. With my foot, I kicked the door shut, while never tearing my mouth away from his. Four days without kissing him was too long. My tongue traced the seam of his lips, and he immediately granted me access. My tongue darted into his mouth and caressed his with the passion of 1000 first kisses. If I couldn’t give him my words, I’d show him with my actions. His arms wrapped around my waist, and I was lifted from my feet. Then my legs wrap circled his hips as we moved through his apartment. My gasp echoed through the heated air as my back slammed against the wall.