“Why are you home, Ashlyn? Why did you climb into my bed the other night?” His eyes narrowed, and his voice dropped so low that it was almost a growl.
How dare he walk into my apartment and start firing off demands like that. First, I didn’t want to have this conversation because I wanted to forget about the fuck up known as Lachlan Johnson, and second, I didn’t want Josh knowing I’d screwed up.
Miss Stubbornness decided it was time to rear her head, and I responded the only way I knew how. “Fine, if it’s that much of an issue, I won’t climb into your bed again.”
I took a step and tried to push past him. My facade was close to breaking, and I wouldn’t give him the benefit of seeing it crumble. His hand reached out and wrapped around my arm, gently halting my escape. My skin felt like it scorched under his touch.
“You can climb into my bed whenever you want. You know that.” His voice was laced with intent and a lingering promise, which shot warmth through every inch of my tension-filled body.
My heart hammered in my chest. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I stiffened as Josh’s large, masculine hands encased mine, and his warmth offered a comfort I didn’t know I needed.
“What do you want me to say?” I whispered. I didn’t dare look at him, so I focused on the peach-colored polish on my toes.
Josh’s heat caressed my body as he moved closer. All ability to breathe fled when his hands landed on my hips and shifted my body so that I was standing before him. “Ashy, look at me.”
I shook my head and kept my eyes firmly away from his.
“Ashlyn, fucking look at me and tell me what he did.”
He knew. How did he know? My eyes moved from the floor, up his legs, and over his chest until I met his gaze. Determination stared back at me, and I knew he wouldn’t leave until he knew the truth. I summoned every inch of strength I could, but anger reared her head. I hated Lachlan, and I was seething that he had put me in this position . . . again.
“He cheated, okay? The moment I arrived I found him fucking another girl. I got played. He said I had been confused with the messages and emails he sent me, and that I was just a bit of fun. I was the fool, Josh. I was the one who gave a second chance to someone who had broken my heart once before. Am I really that fucked up? What the hell is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you,” Josh said softly. His fingers dug into my hips and the pressure encouraged me to really look at him. The intensity of his gaze shot through me like a bolt of lightning. “He is a fucking idiot, Ashlyn.”
“There must be, Josh. I’m done, though. I am completely done with the thought of giving my heart to someone. I am going to live like you. Random hookups, no commitments, and without cares.”
He shook his head dismissively. “That’s not you. You aren’t the random hookup kind of girl.”
“I am now. Either random hookups, or I’m becoming a lesbian.” I finally shrugged out of his grasp and put some space between us.
“I know this isn’t the time, and it’s probably highly inappropriate, but the thought of you with another chick is really fucking hot,” Josh said wistfully.
I turned at the exact moment he was pulling himself up onto the kitchen counter. The muscles in his forearms flexed under his weight, and it took all of my power to stop myself from focusing on them.
“See! That right there is what I want. You always think with your dick. That’s it, I’m going to start thinking with my vajayjay.”
“Your what?” He laughed deeply.
“My vajayjay. Vag. Baby maker. Pleasure chest.”
He shook his head while still chuckling. “Jesus Christ.”
“Yep, I’m doing it. Get ready for the best wing woman of your life,” I announced triumphantly.
His face stilled and all amusement was lost. “There is no way in hell that you are going to become my wing woman.”
“I’ve been there plenty of times when you’ve hooked up with girls,” I scoffed. “I don’t see how this is so different.”
“Are we seriously having this conversation?” He shook his head, and it was clear he was uncomfortable with the direction this was headed.
“I might text Duke and organize a night out,” I declared. “So do you want to stay for dinner? I’m making lasagna.”
The old changing the subject and getting off topic seemed to be working. Lachlan seemed to be a distant memory, and I knew Josh loved my lasagna. It was win win.
“It’s not working this time, Ashy. We have to talk about this.” His voice dropped and serious Josh appeared.
Shit.
“There is nothing to talk about. I should have listened to all of you when you tried to warn me.”
“I shouldn’t have let him in my fucking apartment when he came back.” His voice was tainted with anger and remorse.
There was no way in hell I would allow him to blame himself for this.
I spun around, my hands fell to my hips, and I glared at him. “Don’t even go there, Josh. I was the one that let him back in. I should have learned my lesson. I’ve had my cry, I’ve decided to move on, and, to be honest, I don’t want to talk about him any longer. Lachlan who? That’s how we will refer to him from now on.”
His lips turned up at the edges and he offered me a smile in understanding. That’s what I liked about Josh. He didn’t push. He took what you said as truth, or he would wait until you thought he’d forgotten and lay it back on you. He was sneaky like that. Sneaky and stubborn, and I think that’s why were worked as friends. If we didn’t, we would constantly be at each other’s throats.
I turned my attention back to the fridge and started busying myself with getting the ingredients ready for the Famous Ashlyn Hart Lasagna. I sighed as softly as I could, thankful that the conversation about Lachlan seemed to have ended. It wasn’t the first time I got into things about Lachlan with Josh, but usually it was Ky that brought him up. When I grabbed the cheese from the top shelf, I froze as it dawned on me. Why did I not realize as soon as Josh started speaking? Why didn’t it cross my mind when he stormed in and demanded answers? It was Josh that came to confront me, not Ky.
Did that mean Ky didn’t know?
I swung around. “How did you know? Why didn’t Ky come here?”
For a split second, Josh’s face dropped and his eyes darted away from mine. The once-calm air in the kitchen was now electric.
“Lachlan emailed asking me how you were, and if I’d seen you. I’m guessing he didn’t want to ask Ky because he knew how he would react, seeing how we are all aware of the relationship between you and Ky, you being his girl and all.”
What the actual fuck. Me being Ky’s girl? The way Josh said it made it sound like he was spiteful or jealous, something I’d never seen from him. What the hell was it with this man and his ability to utterly confuse me?
“Eden is Ky’s girl, Joshua.”
Our eyes locked solid. I wasn’t jealous of Eden. I loved Eden, and I was beyond happy that my best friend had finally gotten his happily ever after. But I couldn’t stop the emptiness I felt at the loss of the time Ky and I always spent together. I wouldn’t lie, I missed him.
“I know I’ll never be Ky, but I’m more than happy to step in when you need.”
My answer was immediate. “I don’t want you to be Ky.”
Josh’s face completely stilled, and emotion flashed within his chocolate brown eyes. Darkness shadowed his handsome features, and I knew I’d said the wrong thing the moment the words fell from my lips. I started moving toward him, but what he said next caused me to freeze.
“At least I can say I tried.” He jumped from the countertop and, without giving me a second glance or the opportunity to explain, he stormed out the door, slamming the door behind him.
The aroma of fresh garlic and basil filled my apartment, and the sultry tone of Lana Del Rey swam through the air, but the only thing I could concentrate on was Josh. Seeing him in my apartment with concern flooding his voice and his crazy reaction completely confused me. All it took was for him to walk in and make his demands, and the butterflies that had been dormant for years suddenly came to life. To be honest, I hadn’t fluttered that intensely since he took my virginity.