“There’s you,” I choked out.
He smiled, and his smile was beautiful. “I’m coming with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Wherever you go, I’ll go,” Leif told me, and his blue eyes were warm. “I won’t leave your side.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, and pressed my cheek to his chest. His arms wrapped around me in a comforting hug.
“Come,” my father said again, clearly impatient.
So we went. Together.
Chapter Five
Once we were back on the small ship that had brought me to the Antarctic, my father insisted on talking to me alone. I gave Leif a worried look, but he nodded that it was okay. Leif didn’t plan on going anywhere, it was clear, and he took the bag of my remaining supplies. “I’ll get our cabin set up.”
I liked how he stressed our. My father noticed it, too, and frowned. His hand clamped down on my shoulder and he steered me down to the galley of the ship, where we could talk privately.
Once we’d both sat down, he lashed into me. “What were you thinking, Nikolina? Running away like that at such a crucial time? Do you have any idea of the chaos you’ve caused?”
“I couldn’t stay, Father.” I crossed my arms over my chest, hugging myself. “You know I couldn’t. I was going into heat.”
“We had a plan for that—“
“I heard your plan,” I said bitterly. “Give me to Jokkum? Let one of the married men ‘take one for the team?’ Maybe ask Ramsey to forget his wolf mate and make a ‘donation?'”
He looked surprised at my words. “So you were listening in?”
“I should have been in the meeting,” I told him. “It’s my body. My life. My choices.”
“The elders would decide the best plan for you,” he said stiffly. “We have the clan’s best interests at heart.”
But what about my best interests? I wanted to ask. “Well, I didn’t want to be anyone’s charity fuck —“ It made me feel good to see him wince at my words — “So I took matters into my own hands.”
“Leif is exiled,” he reminded me.
“Leif didn’t know that.”
“We have to protect the clan. There was no other option than to exile him. It’s the way we keep control.” My father shook his head. “And now, because of your impulsive actions, any child of your union might not be accepted by the clan.”
I sucked in a breath, surprised at how much his words hurt. To think that I’d come after Leif because I’d been so tired of feeling like a lonely outcast in my own clan…and I was going to do it to my own child. It didn’t seem fair. Was there no way for me to be happy?
“You’ve been selfish, daughter.”
“Me?” I choked on the word.
“There are men in the clan who are married, but they would have gladly taken the chance at fathering another child. Good men, who would make a worthy, strong baby. You’ve robbed them of that opportunity.”
I robbed them? My lips curled in displeasure.
Before I could reply to that, he continued. “You do realize Leif didn’t want you?”
His words hit me like a brick. All the air left my body. “What…what do you mean?”
“He left the clan because he didn’t want to be part of it any longer. Then, you show up, waving your…heat under his nose. He had no choice but to respond. Any man would respond to that. Why do you think Mikkel agreed to disobey the clan and bring you here?” He slammed a hand down on the small galley table. “Because it is impossible to refuse a female in heat. You manipulated him, and you manipulated Leif. Selfish!”
I wanted to protest…but he was right. I’d cheerfully trodden on several rules just to get my way. And hadn’t I known that Leif wouldn’t have a choice? But I’d still come after him because it was what I’d wanted. Abashed, I remained silent.
“The only reason you have not been exiled like him,” my father said in a low, dangerous voice, “is because you now carry a bear-child in your womb. When we get home, you will go in front of the elders and apologize for the trouble you’ve made. You will agree to abide by any decisions they make in regards to your welfare, and you will accept it all with a smile. Do you understand me? If not, you threaten not only your own place, but your child’s.”
A knot had formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard, then nodded. I’d do what he asked. “And Leif?”
“Leif will have to beg his way back into the clan’s forgiveness,” my father said in a hard voice. “And right now, I am not in a forgiving mood.”
“I see,” I said softly. I wanted to weep, but I knew my father hated tears. They were weak. So swallowed hard. “Can I go now? I need to…reflect on my errors.”
“Go,” he said with a flick of his hand. His face was so stern that it hurt to look upon. “And know that the only reason we’re allowing that exile to stay in your cabin is because the ship isn’t big enough to separate the two of you.”
He wanted to separate us? A low, dull ache started in my chest. I nodded and jerked to my feet, then moved to hug my father. He was family, after all, and I wanted comforting.
But my father didn’t put an arm around me. Didn’t pat my back like he normally did. In his eyes, I was a disobedient clan daughter, and he was a clan leader. I’d shamed him, and there’d be no affection from him until I was back in the clan’s good graces.
I made it out of the galley before I started to weep, at least. By the time I made it back to the cabin I shared with Leif, though, I was sobbing.
“‘Lina?” Leif came to meet me as I stumbled through the door, and his arms wrapped around me. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, unable to stop crying. Everything was going so wrong. So terribly wrong. “My father… he says our child might not be accepted by the clan if you’re still exiled. I…he…” I choked on my sobs. I wanted Leif. I wanted the clan’s acceptance. What was I going to do?
“Don’t cry, love,” he said, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “It’s going to be all right. Really.”
I let him enfold me in his arms, burying my face against his neck. “How?”
“Whatever they need me to do, I’ll do it.”
I lifted my head and looked up at him in surprise. “You will?”
“For you, I will.” Leif’s blue-eyed gaze held mine. “We’re together. No matter what.”
I kissed him fervently, filled with emotion. “Thank you.”
He hugged me close and pulled me to the small cabin bed, and held me while I wept, emotional. Even as he did, I kept thinking of my father’s hateful words.
You do realize Leif didn’t want you?
Even now, was I manipulating him with my tears and our baby? God, I was the worst mate ever.
By the time we returned home, I was existing in a fever-pitch of anxiety.
My father’s coldness toward me was only compounded by the fact that he completely ignored Leif. Jokkum took his cues from my father and did the same—not that I cared about him. Poor Mikkel clearly wanted to talk with me and Leif, but he had to go by what the elders decreed, and as a result, he ignored us.
On the ship, we were treated as pariahs. I’d known we would be, but it still hurt. I hid in my cabin with Leif to pass the time, but even then, I couldn’t relax. Leif was just as tense as I was, and the walls of the cabin were so flimsy that they’d make sex impossible. We existed in a state of tension, made all the worse by enforced chastity.
I was never so glad as when we left the ship to head to the airport and take a thirteen-hour flight home. I just wanted all of this over with, so things could go back to normal.